OH's mum keeps buying us stuff!

lauren_1

Stop replying to her texts, lock the door and hide behind the sofa for a few days.....unless she secretly has a key.

Then just send her a text...gone to B&Q, going to decorate, nothing matches.

Stick all the stuff you don't want in the attic and put your own mark on the house.

rachbc

well she can't force you to take the stuff so just firmly say

"no thank you thats not the cooker I want - you will have return it or sell it on ebay -please ask us before you buy anything again!"

make_me_wise

It does sound as if she isn't the type that is going to reign this in. In a way it is incredibly generous but she is going about it all the wrong way. Its almost like she is envious of you two starting out and setting up your first home and wants all the fun of furnishing it for you.

My advice would be to say to her ' We really appreciate all the help you are offering us. We need to come out and choose these things with you though as we have our own style and taste and want the things that go into the house to be our choice. Otherwise they wont be used as they wont match with what we like'.

Yes its blunt, but not out of order. She is railroading you at present and it takes all the pleasure out of it for you. If she strops and sulks about it that is her problem not yours. The woman needs to back off.

If you dont take this stance now imagine what she will be like when you start a family :eek:

abacus73

EatingGlitter wrote: »

When I first met my OH his mum got terribly excited because he'd never brought a girlfriend home and she started to buy stuff for us when we got a place. I mean literally the day after she met me for the first time she started.

Anyway, we're now engaged and just about to exchange on our first home together and her buying stuff is getting a bit.... out of control.

We both really appreciate most of it, it's your essentials like a sofa, kitchenware, towels etc... but now it's getting really, really silly. She's bought us paint, wallpaper, a fancy £200 microwave, scented candles, a garden set, a chalkboard covered in cupcakes, a bright orange teapot.

She's even started stockpiling food for us now....

EatingGlitter wrote: »

Is this what happens with M-I-Ls? We usually get on really well otherwise but this is just silly!

Has it never crossed your mind why you were the first girlfriend to be introduced to this mad woman? Probably because someone with less sticking power would have done a runner when they realised what future M-I-L was like. Good luck to you, she would drive me bloody insane!!!!!

Here is my advice - let her do your house up from top to bottom. Kit it out to the flipping hilt. Then let it out and emigrate to the furthest flung corner of the world that you can find and dont give her your new address. Someone that determined would start shipping stuff out to you.

DueMarch11

mrcow wrote: »

If you think it's bad now, just wait until you start thinking about babies.......

Ha ha, I was about to say something along the same lines!

My mum got so bad when I was pregnant with my first that I had an almighty albeit hormonal strop, she now asks before buying things lol.

Although now I dont mind as kids clothes are expensive and they grow so blummin quickly!! Fair enough its not always stuff Id buy but hey, theyre probably only going to wear them a few times

ViolaLass

EatingGlitter wrote: »

We can't even get rid of any of it either by selling it or taking it back because she lives just around the corner.

Why not? Telling her should be your first priority, increasingly bluntly if need be, but if she won't listen and you don't want the things, then taking them back/refusing to pick them up in the first place/redirecting the delivery driver is an excellent way to not have to deal with them.

Mojisola

EatingGlitter wrote: »

When I first met my OH his mum got terribly excited because he'd never brought a girlfriend home and she started to buy stuff for us when we got a place. I mean literally the day after she met me for the first time she started.

Anyway, we're now engaged and just about to exchange on our first home together and her buying stuff is getting a bit.... out of control.

We've told her to please stop and not to buy anymore. Half of the enjoyment of moving into our first place is buying things that suit us and, yes we understand that we're going to be broke for a while but the things she is starting to buy is getting on our nerves.

She's even started stockpiling food for us now....

We've tried to explain to her that as much as we appreciate it all the little "touches" she is buying are either a)Not necessarily going to fit in our place b) not our style c) something we'd like to buy together.

How can we put our foot down as my OH is getting to the point where he's just going to kick off at her for decorating OUR house in HER way.

If the two of you have a friendly but firm talk with her and explain your feelings and she still doesn't stop, maybe it's time to sell a few of the gifts and buy the item you want. Maybe that will give her the jolt she needs to realise that she's going over the top.

Like others have said, I think that if you don't put a stop to it, your life will never be your own. Whatever you do, don't give her a key to your new home!

S_Wales_Saver

Oh my this happened to me when I first got together with OH. Problem was MIL did not have a lot of money so would buy things for us, and want the money!! :eek: It stopped the day she bought 6 blankets - the day after we bought our first duvet. :mad: Luckily, the local shop gave her the money back.

OP I would make ie clear to MIL that you don't want her to buy things - the fridge would be a good place to start. Can't you have 'ordered one already'?

SavingPennies_2

That sounds really annoying and I'd wonder where is will end, she sounds rather controlling.
The problem is as other people have pointed out you accepted 20k which means you "owe her" not financially but emotionally and Im sure she is well aware of that. One of the reasons I never accept money of people!

paddy's_mum

This 'M-i-L' has a screw loose but is not so daft that she hasn't found a way to keep on doing exactly as she pleases. What she is doing is 'buying' involvement in your lives but also exhibiting a massive degree of control over her little boy and his life.

If she won't take no for an answer when asked politely, then you are going to have to do as an earlier poster suggested and write to her ...

Dear Gladys

I am sorry that we have to write to you like this but David and I have been feeling more and more upset that despite our repeated requests that we be allowed to choose how we equip and furnish our home, you have persisted in buying things for us.

We appreciate the generous spirit behind your gifts but frankly, you are treading on our toes. It would be such a pity if what was meant as kindness should lead to another estrangement between you and David.

I do hope that you will take this note as a genuine attempt to avoid upset, trouble and hurt and stop showering us with gifts and items of your choice that we are forced by our own embarrassment into accepting rather than offend you by refusing them.

We are asking you nicely and hope that you can see our point of view. It would be a shame if you forced us into either rejecting the gifts outright or pressured us into keeping you at arms length.

Neither David nor I want to fall out with you and so we hope that you will give some serious thought to the awkward position in which we find ourselves and curb your generous impulses before they can cause any further annoyance or provoke further trouble.

Perhaps you are free to come over for lunch next Sunday? My sister is coming for the day and we planned to have a bbq in the garden. Can you give us a quick call to say whether you can make it? Look forward to hearing from you and hopefully see you on Sunday.

Love

Jenny x