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OH's mum keeps buying us stuff!
EatingGlitter
Posts: 148 Forumite
When I first met my OH his mum got terribly excited because he'd never brought a girlfriend home and she started to buy stuff for us when we got a place. I mean literally the day after she met me for the first time she started.
His brother bought a house about a year and a half ago far away and she bought them loads of things for the house as well. Most of it doesn't get used because they don't have to explain it to her.
Anyway, we're now engaged and just about to exchange on our first home together and her buying stuff is getting a bit.... out of control.
We both really appreciate most of it, it's your essentials like a sofa, kitchenware, towels etc... but now it's getting really, really silly. She's bought us paint, wallpaper, a fancy £200 microwave, scented candles, a garden set, a chalkboard covered in cupcakes, a bright orange teapot.
We've told her to please stop and not to buy anymore. Half of the enjoyment of moving into our first place is buying things that suit us and, yes we understand that we're going to be broke for a while but the things she is starting to buy is getting on our nerves.
We're talking two rooms and a garage full of "stuff" every day I get a text saying "I bought you and OH the cutest doilies" "We went to a cute little shop in X and bought you all your new table mats"
She's even started stockpiling food for us now....
We've tried to explain to her that as much as we appreciate it all the little "touches" she is buying are either a)Not necessarily going to fit in our place b) not our style c) something we'd like to buy together.
Today I got a call from her saying she has bought us a washing machine, tumble dryer and is going out tomorrow to pick us out an electric oven which is annoying because we were about to do that ourselves tomorrow.
I don't want to push it too much as she's just given us about £20k towards our deposit and to clear off my credit card but it's getting silly now.... really silly. She threw a strop a few weeks ago because her brother bought us a kettle for our engagement and she said she'd already bought us one and that one "wouldn't match our toaster".
We can't even get rid of any of it either by selling it or taking it back because she lives just around the corner.
I'm very lucky as my family are totally "We don't interfere" and she's making up for lost time as she and my OH were estranged until I came into the picture, add to that my mum died a few years ago she's overcompensating a bit.
How can we put our foot down as my OH is getting to the point where he's just going to kick off at her for decorating OUR house in HER way.
Thanks Xxx
His brother bought a house about a year and a half ago far away and she bought them loads of things for the house as well. Most of it doesn't get used because they don't have to explain it to her.
Anyway, we're now engaged and just about to exchange on our first home together and her buying stuff is getting a bit.... out of control.
We both really appreciate most of it, it's your essentials like a sofa, kitchenware, towels etc... but now it's getting really, really silly. She's bought us paint, wallpaper, a fancy £200 microwave, scented candles, a garden set, a chalkboard covered in cupcakes, a bright orange teapot.
We've told her to please stop and not to buy anymore. Half of the enjoyment of moving into our first place is buying things that suit us and, yes we understand that we're going to be broke for a while but the things she is starting to buy is getting on our nerves.
We're talking two rooms and a garage full of "stuff" every day I get a text saying "I bought you and OH the cutest doilies" "We went to a cute little shop in X and bought you all your new table mats"
She's even started stockpiling food for us now....
We've tried to explain to her that as much as we appreciate it all the little "touches" she is buying are either a)Not necessarily going to fit in our place b) not our style c) something we'd like to buy together.
Today I got a call from her saying she has bought us a washing machine, tumble dryer and is going out tomorrow to pick us out an electric oven which is annoying because we were about to do that ourselves tomorrow.
I don't want to push it too much as she's just given us about £20k towards our deposit and to clear off my credit card but it's getting silly now.... really silly. She threw a strop a few weeks ago because her brother bought us a kettle for our engagement and she said she'd already bought us one and that one "wouldn't match our toaster".
We can't even get rid of any of it either by selling it or taking it back because she lives just around the corner.
I'm very lucky as my family are totally "We don't interfere" and she's making up for lost time as she and my OH were estranged until I came into the picture, add to that my mum died a few years ago she's overcompensating a bit.
How can we put our foot down as my OH is getting to the point where he's just going to kick off at her for decorating OUR house in HER way.
Thanks Xxx
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Comments
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My God that would drive me nuts. Yes, a little generosity is great, but I would want to choose for myself most of the things that went into my house. I think you're going to have to start being a little more forceful in your refusals, or start asking for the receipts "just in case something goes wrong"...0
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Send her round to me. I'd like a new cooker.
) "If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." -- Red Adair0 -
My God that would drive me nuts. Yes, a little generosity is great, but I would want to choose for myself most of the things that went into my house. I think you're going to have to start being a little more forceful in your refusals, or start asking for the receipts "just in case something goes wrong"...
Oh you can't imagine. The worst bit is a lot of the stuff that she is buying I already have having lived in rented accommodation previously, in fact the stuff is all at her house so she knows!!!!
OH has always been very independent and he nearly crashed the car today when I said "Oh god, she's at it again".
We've literally been quite forceful but she keeps using the excuse of "you don't want to miss anything" and keeps doing it anyway.
Worst bit is the house has got a loft conversion so we haven't even got anywhere to store it all!
It's upsetting me a bit because a lot of this stuff we were looking forward to going out and choosing together and although we can "replace" bits and pieces as we go along I am a sucker for "I can't chuck that, it was a present"
Hell, I wanted to get an American fridge freezer, found one I loved on sale and she bought us a fridge off a family member that was brand new. I can't even go "Ohhh, it's old! It broke!" It's literally brand new and under warranty.
Is this what happens with M-I-Ls? We usually get on really well otherwise but this is just silly!0 -
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The point is you've given her mixed messages : I'm happy to accept the £20K because it provides me with a deposit and clear the debt but I resent any any other involvement - when all she sees the other involvement as trying to help you2014 Target;
To overpay CC by £1,000.
Overpayment to date : £310
2nd Purse Challenge:
£15.88 saved to date0 -
On the face of it, a lot of folks might think that they would love to have your problem. However, I bet you have the feeling that it won't stop at just buying things. And his brother obviously thought the same as he moved far away. Its a bit creepy that she started buying things when you had only just met.
There is no easy way out of this. You have to be honest with her now and turn down what you don't want. Also explain that you want to choose your own things. I'm not even sure if you should make excuses or be too diplomatic either. Just how controlling do you think she is going to be? Or is she really just over generous and hasn't thought things through?
edit- just read mountainofdebts post and have to say that I agree. Should you have accepted the 20k?weight loss target 23lbs/49lb0 -
Eh, she's going to move in with you right after you've shifted all of her stuff in0
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Sell it and buy the stuff you DO want if she asks where it is say it didn't match your decor/colour scheme/underwear/eyes..
Better still sort through it BEFORE it gets delivered and say what you do and do not want.. stand up for yourself right now or she IS going to make your life as miserable as sin!!!
Go get the fridge you want.. and say you don't need the one she got as you have one.. ditto the cooker..
It isn't a present.. it is clutter if it is not needed!!!!!LB moment 10/06 Debt Free date 6/6/14Hope to be debt free until the day I dieMortgage-free Wannabee (05/08/30)6/6/14 £72,454.65 (5.65% int.)08/12/2023 £33602.00 (4.81% int.)0 -
I think she's just super excited about you and her boy getting together and she's just trying to be nice. Could you possibly explain that while you totally appreciate her generosity, you'd actually like to choose some of these things yourself? Would she be amenable to going shopping *with* you and you pointing out things that you actually like? Is it just your OH and his brother i.e. two sons? She might really enjoy doing some girly shopping with you. It would be a shame to completely curb her kindness and enthusiasm - channel it into activities and things that you need/want and find appropriate. It could be a lot worse - she could totally dislike you and refuse to spend so much as a farthing on your birthday. Help her to help you and then everyone will be happy with the purchases. 0
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Can she actually afford it all, genuinely? Or is she storing up big problems for her future?:heartsmil When you find people who not only tolerate your quirks but celebrate them with glad cries of "Me too!" be sure to cherish them. Because these weirdos are your true family.0
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