How do I stop disliking this kid?

pixelation

We use "inside voice" and "outside voice". Regular reminders are needed at first.

melancholly

Mupette wrote: »

Perhaps he feels you don't like him, if my grandparents be it step or not had refer'd to me as kid I'd be upset and feel singled out.

But for god sake don't let him hear or know you call him 'kid'

it's so funny how opinions can differ so much - my grandfather always used to call us 'hey kid' but it was kind of a term of endearment. it was probably also because he had 12 grandchildren and a generic term was easier than getting names wrong. i haven't thought about it for a while and i'm now sitting here with a big grin thinking about it! i don't see it as rude at all and wouldn't have thought that anyone could have. shows how much can be inferred from what can be intended as innocuous comments though....

onlyroz

My son occasionally goes through a shouty phase - I just tell him (preferably in a non-shouty voice myself, unless I'm really stressed) to stop shouting and talk normally. Sometimes it takes a few goes, and sometimes I have to drag him out of my presence for a bit, but he usually gets the idea. I won't tolerate screamy shouty kids, so I think the advice is to be firm and don't get (visibly) stressed yourself. Sounds like you've made some positive steps though.

bananadog

heretolearn wrote: »

What do you do about a child whose volume setting is permanently set at 11? He literally can't just talk, ever, everything is a shout, even a 1-2-1 conversation. If you tell him, not so loud, or stop shouting, he just carries on at the same volume. He's very excitable and hyper all the time, I don't think he realises he is shouting, but it drives me nuts (and deaf). It's like having a 6 year old sized 2 year old in the house, which is weird as he IS bright as anything. Anyone got any advice on that?

I happen to have figured this problem out with my own kids! (took a while believe me! lol)
I started talking to them in a very very (almost whisper) voice, I found that because they couldn't hear me properly they had to quieten down themselves...the calmer and quieter I talked the calmer and quieter they started talking back.
When one would 'almost shout' something too me I would quietly say back "wow! You almost blew me away then..that was so loud! I can hear you ok when your just talking you know!"

Anyway good luck with everything...you must have the patience of a saint! lol :A

bananadog

Just had another thought....
How about building a bond but also teaching him to calm and concentrate at the same time with some simple family games?
Play 'SNAP'...tell everyone (not just him so he doesn't feel targated) that "we all have to be very very quiet and put the cards down one at a time very gently...then if there are 2 the same you must scream SNAP as loud as you can!" This way he will learn to play a calmer game that he has to concentrate on quietly but still knows there is a fun bit where you have to shout SNAP as loud as you can!
Hopefully a silly game may build a bond but also get him using his energy in a more controled way.

Jinx

I totally subscribe to 'your house, your rules'. And although your rules may be different to those he deals with at home children are very adaptable and can easily remember that grandma and grandads house means hugs, quiet voices, great cookies - whatever.... My ex-hubby and I had different rules for our daughter and she just took it in her stride - mums house=mums rules, dads house=dads rules...

For my daughter I just used to say 'Dont shout...' whenever she yelled inside and repeated until a lower voice was used. Low voices also work really well when telling the child of any consequences as they have to listen carefully to hear.

vroombroom

ooooh he sounds like my OH's 7 year old niece - she is very spoilt and has a hell of an attitude. They came round yesterday to our house and within minutes this little girl was in my face, screaming at me cos I wouldnt let her hold my DS as he was asleep. Her mum told her to keep the noise down. OH looked mortified. Little girl then proceeded to go to the dogs' toy box and started flinging their toys around the room, no one was saying anything so I told her quite loudly that we don't do this sort of thing in my house and if she wanted to continue, she could go in the garden (raining).

OH and his sister weren't best pleased with me as she continued to kick off, but I am not having a 7 year old dictate to me in MY House! x

pollypenny

OP, glad you've made some progress with food at least.

Re shouting, tell him again, in a very quiet voice, that he doesn't need to speak loudly. Put you hand on his arm and look directly into his eyes as you do that, so that you have his full attention.

When ever I lost my voice in school, not due to shouting, and I had to whisper, I found that kids would whisper back.

NB: no disrespect or lack of affection in term 'kids'.

make_me_wise

heretolearn wrote: »

What do you do about a child whose volume setting is permanently set at 11? He literally can't just talk, ever, everything is a shout, even a 1-2-1 conversation. If you tell him, not so loud, or stop shouting, he just carries on at the same volume. He's very excitable and hyper all the time, I don't think he realises he is shouting, but it drives me nuts (and deaf). It's like having a 6 year old sized 2 year old in the house, which is weird as he IS bright as anything. Anyone got any advice on that?

And I'm definitely going to follow your advice to ask the parents to do something about it if he misbehaves here in future, instead of us all squirming in embarassment trying to ignore it. Although this may not work...one time the little girl as a little toddler was playing jumping round the door saying 'boo' to mum. swinging on the door. I could see trapped fingers coming up and said this. Mum just shrugged. Little girl ended up whacking her head in the door frame instead of fingers.

Glad you survived the visit OP. Very wise move going upstairs and leaving OH to it for a while :T. Bet that noise and chaos took him to the brink of sanity :rotfl:Doubt he will want to repeat that experience again in a hurry.

Has the little boy had his hearing tested? Sounds to me like he could be a bit deaf and not realise that he speaks at such a high volume. Id be very surprised though if something isn't being done to address his issues at his school. It would be unmanageable to allow a kid to be so loud and unruly in a classroom. Far to disruptive to his classmates and the teachers lesson plans.

As for the little girl, lets hope that whack to the head knocked some sense into her. Shame the door didn't reach the mothers bonce. She could do with some added common sense by the sounds of it too

make_me_wise

vroombroom wrote: »

OH and his sister weren't best pleased with me as she continued to kick off, but I am not having a 7 year old dictate to me in MY House! x

Good on you. Good grief I cant believe how rude that little girl was being and the parents weren't doing anything. I can just picture what my parents reaction would have been to me as a child if I had dared behave so badly. Id have been removed from the house by them and put in the car and told to wait for them. Maybe not very pc now, but this was in the 70s.