How do I stop disliking this kid?

tiamai_d

themull1 wrote: »

You tell him to stop if the parents don't!!

Exactly!

When in situations like this, I will wait for the parents to say no and if they don't I will. I say it a firm way, not shouting or agressive, just a plain 'I am the adult and you will not do that' voice. If the parent says anything to me I'll tell them that if they are not going to bother then I will.

whitewing

catfish50 wrote: »

Seems like a good plan.

It's a good plan for an obnoxious adult.

But this is a 6 year old and OP is in charge. There's no reason why things can't be made better. I think the key is to get to know the child without the parents being there so OP can work on her relationship with the boy. Then she'll be able to remind him how to behave without it seeming like a slur on the parenting.

Blackpool_Saver

It seems as if they are worn down and frightened of the child, if the other one is ok and has been raised by the same parents, it is possible he has aspergers or some condition within the autistic spectrum, I mean why would one be ok and the other not? kids within the ASD umbrella can become very overwhelmed by external stimulation and lack the ability to pause and think before reacting.............

Doozergirl

It's taken me 10 years to even approach disciplining other people's children, but now I am able to open my mouth and speak, it is so much better. Children do respond to authority. It is a lot easier to be calm with them when you're not the parent and I've learned to just reason with them. They do respond to authority - they just need someone to provide it! If he is jumping on your furniture, remind him that he is a guest in your home, that you don't do that, and ask him nicely but firmly not to do it. He is old enough to be reasoned with.

If he carries on then it's fair to tell his parents that you have asked him not to do something, please would they make him stop. Unless they are incredibly unreasonable people, they will feel compelled to. If you keep your mouth shut then people don't know what you find acceptable, so they may not even know it upsets you. What Pigpen said about pointing it out when the behaviour is occurring is a good thing. If it's something where you are out in public that needs discipline, then unless he is specifically in your care, I'd remove yourself from the situation altogether and walk away.

Choose your battles carefully and manage the things that you can manage. It's so important for a child to understand that there are boundaries, that you don't get everything when you want it and that the word 'no' exists. And most children of school age, should respond to adult authority - they will be used to teachers saying no to them, it's just that some kids know exactly how to wrap their parents round their grubby little fingers Some parents really do need understand that saying no and meaning it is good for a child, it's goes far deeper than the next chocolate bar. Children don't love you for that, or for fetching them a different dinner, they love you most for being their rock, for being consistent and for being their guide, not letting them guide you. If his parents can't provide that, there is no reason why you can't. Just be nice when you're doing it. Pretend you're a teacher and think how they would speak to him.

melancholly

whitewing wrote: »

It's a good plan for an obnoxious adult.

But this is a 6 year old and OP is in charge. There's no reason why things can't be made better. I think the key is to get to know the child without the parents being there so OP can work on her relationship with the boy. Then she'll be able to remind him how to behave without it seeming like a slur on the parenting.

i wonder whether the OP spending something like an hour a week with a child will make that much of a difference versus the complete lack of parenting the kid gets the rest of the time..... it might work but i'm doubtful. it's also not up to the OP to 'fix' the lack of parenting the child gets in the rest of their life. imo, this can't happen without the parents being involved as they are causing this situation.

make_me_wise

At six with the right examples, correction and discipline he should be aware that this behaviour is completely unacceptable. He is being very badly let down by parents who are not parenting him. In the long run their apporach to raising him will have huge consequences for him.

Already, quite understandably, you as his grandparents find him hard work, embarrasing and not someone you want to have around. That is terribly sad, this little boy should be being taught all the time about positive behaviour. Very quickly his parents approach is going to cause him to be isolated. I doubt very much that he is at the top of any child in his class' wish list to have round for tea and a play after school.

If his parents wont discipline him in your house and while he is with you then you must do it, as I notice you mention you have been. I would also be pointing out to the parents that them ignoring it is not on. If they dont like it they can always leave and give you some well deserved rest.

heretolearn_2

ok, thanks, I guess I just needed to rant a bit and hear that I'm not the biggest beeatch in the world for not liking him :-)

I do feel sorry for him, he just has no clue about what is acceptable and what isn't, and we don't see him that often for any lessons we give to really stick, we are back at square one every time he comes round. OH sees them a bit more often, but I suppose I'm at about 3 times a year or so, so I should just put up with it, but I'm really dreading it.

Still, it's easier when his parents aren't here, we can be stricter without them thinking we are horrible, so I hope it'll be better this time. I'm normally v strict on good behaviour, but haven't felt I could interfere here before, for all sorts of complicated reasons. But I think you are right, I have to say something to correct him even if his parents are here, in future. I can't just sit there fuming.

Thanks everyone for the support.

CRANKY40

As the mother of a 6 year old I totally agree with the "your house, your rules" statement. He may be allowed to jump on furniture in his house but not in yours etc. It's not as if your OH thinks it's acceptable either. Bribery sometimes works until they get the hang of it. My granddad used to buy me a 1/4 of jelly babies every week, but that was just because he was nice, not because I was naughty and needed to be bribed to behave. You could start a tradition of getting them both a little bag of sweeties each, but they only get them at home time and only if they have both been good....

Make sure he's got enough things to do to keep him busy too. A bored 6 year old having nothing to do while adults talk for hours is a horrible thing indeed.

scooby088

I would not shout or anything like that but i would have a word with the 6yo and tell him his behaviour is out of order after all it is your home and your rules, if his mother doesn't like it then tell her to start correcting him or don't come until he has learned some manners.

Hard_up,_not_happy

heretolearn wrote: »

For example, we gave him his Christmas present, he opened it, and started shouting about how it wasn't what he wanted, he hates it, it's stupid, and threw it across the room. His parents never said a thing.

Last time I cooked them dinner he started spitting the food out all over the table and shouting 'IT's disgusting, it's disgusting, I want proper food, it's disgusting' This went on for about 10 minutes and his parents did nothing.

:eek:

Good god he sounds horrendous, no wonder you cant stand him. I cant bare kids who spit there food out and have no manners.

Must say that the way he reacted to his xmas present would have really upset me. I spend ages every year putting loads of thought buying people gifts, making sure it is something they will love. You have far more control than me OP, personally I would have picked up the gift and said 'fine young man, if you dont like it nanny will take it home with her. Tomorrow I will drop it off at the childrens ward at our local hospital. The little kids there will love it'. No matter how much he protested he wouldn't have got it back off me either.

Harsh yes, but this kid is so out of control and thick skinned by the sounds of it. Would have given a less than subtle message to his parents too that people dont appreciate them not parenting this kid and basically allowing him to be so rude and spoilt.