How do I stop disliking this kid?

kazwookie

I would be telling the child every time his is naughty, (name) we don't to that here, or similar, then ask the mother / father if they have problems at home.

If the other child is fine, it 'could' suggest that this child has some sort of disorder.

I personally would take matters into my own hands and NOT worry about upsetting his daughter, tell her straight about how upsetting you find the son's attitude / behaviour, your OH leaving a note about them coming round, speaks volumes to me as well!, I would be gunning for him later as well, for not telling you to your face/ directly is to me just so rude of him.

I have problems with OH's son (25) and daughter (30), not the 3 grand kids (3, 1, and born yesterday) , OH knows EXACTLY why I won't have them in my house, I told him to his face and straight.

Like others have said I would be out, and leave them to cook / clean up for themselves.

Doozergirl

CRANKY40 wrote: »

Make sure he's got enough things to do to keep him busy too. A bored 6 year old having nothing to do while adults talk for hours is a horrible thing indeed.

A very good point. My mother in law has a box full of toys for a reason! A couple of balls, pack of card, dominoes, pens and paper don't take up that much space and can be versatile. My DD likes to play solitaire that Nanny has taught her, DS uses them to build houses. Chalk is cheap and if they would be allowed to draw on the ground outside, they love it. Make sure the parents allow him to fill his own bag of things that he would like to do as well. It works better than packing stuff for them. Them bringing a few DVDs in a carry case can be helpful, for moments when you just need a bit of quiet! And find the childrens' channels on the TV!

pension-newbie

how much of your dislike for the kid is because you don't really like/approve of his parents but can't really say that to you OH

pinkshoes

Your house your rules.

If he jumps on the furniture, stop him, and tell him firmly that he does not jump on the furniture in your house.

If he says the food is disgusting, then just take it off him, put it in to one side, then ignore him.

If he complains about a present, take it off him, and say "oh well, we'll give it to someone who will appreciate it then", then ignore him.

Are both the grandchildren awful?

Don't forget to praise him and give him LOTS of attention when he does something good.

BitterAndTwisted

Just because this child has no boundaries set by his parents does not mean that he must have a disorder! Lots of inexperienced parents make "mistakes" with their first children: they are often the "golden child" in the family. The lessons learned are then often implemented with the children which follow.

I feel quite sorry for this little chap: he sounds like he's crying out for some structure and guidance from somewhere.

To be honest, if I'd been left a note with this news I would be tempted to write my own note back. With the intelligence that as a plan has been made without my having been consulted, regrettably I'd made other plans. And be safely out of the house for the entire duration of the child's visit. Grandad might change his ideas if he's got to deal with him on his own.

CH27

Your house! Your rules!

Tell him not to jump on the furniture.

Tell him to lower his voice.

Tell him to use some manners at the table.

Be firm & stick to your guns.

Nimeth

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

It seems as if they are worn down and frightened of the child, if the other one is ok and has been raised by the same parents, it is possible he has aspergers or some condition within the autistic spectrum, I mean why would one be ok and the other not? kids within the ASD umbrella can become very overwhelmed by external stimulation and lack the ability to pause and think before reacting.............

You might be surprised. My OH is the kindest, most caring chap you could meet but his sister is the most g*d-awful attention seeking spoiled brat. She doesn't have any sort of MH issue like autism or Aspergers, she's just spoiled because her parents played favourites with them both when they were young. She got every given to her while my OH was told he had to save up and earn the things he wanted.

I'm not saying this isn't possible, just sometimes it is just plain old Spoiled Brat Syndrome!:o

To the OP, it's your house, therefore your rules. If he misbehaves, discipline him. If his parents object, tell them that as long as he's in your house, he needs to abide by the boundaries you set.

busiscoming2

Firmly agree with the previous posters who have said 'your home - your rules' regarding the furniture and meal time behaviour.
Does he shout all the time? Perhaps he has hearing problems?

paddy's_mum

Personally, I'd stay right out of this! Here's my reasoning:-

Your hour or two a week is going to be a drop in the ocean compared to the other 160-odd where he is having no teaching whatever.

It is not your job to discipline someone else's child because the parent can't be bothered.

You will only cause ructions between your husband and his daughter if you "interfere" and there is no doubt in my mind whatever that you will get the blame for "coming between them".

If your husband is already too scared to protest and risk rocking the boat, do you think he'll welcome orders/demands/ultimatums from you without it being a rich source of quarrels? Is his grandson and the parents' dereliction of duty worth perhaps destroying your marriage? Bear in mind that your hubby already takes the cowardly way out and is unlikely to appreciate you forcing him to look at or confront things he'd rather turn a blind eye to.

I have to say that if my husband were to foist someone onto me, and into my home, like this, there would be major repurcussions. It is your home, not the local kindergarten and if you are part owner of that house, it makes it even more mean, cowardly and grossly inconsiderate for him to do so without your knowledge or consent.

I'm afraid that I would be sitting him down and calmly explaining that rather than being upset by the abuse of my home and its hospitality, I shall be in bed with a migraine or got an unbreakable appointment elsewhere. It is your husband and his daughter who are behaving spinelessly so why on earth should you be making up their shortfall?

Keep out of it, keep clear of the unpleasantness of your own (perfectly understandable) feelings of dislike and hostility, and retain your home as the sanctuary it ought to be, unsullied by the stupidity and selfishness of the other adults who ought to know better.

Finally, may I say that it is a great pity that the child is going to bear the brunt of his parents' stupidity. You can't blame a 6 year old who cannot possibly know any better if nobody teaches him differently. Poor little boy who lacks for nothing ... except for the most important things in the world.

Good luck and I hope it works out without tears and tantrums for you all.

Oldernotwiser

whitewing wrote: »

It's a good plan for an obnoxious adult.

But this is a 6 year old and OP is in charge. There's no reason why things can't be made better. I think the key is to get to know the child without the parents being there so OP can work on her relationship with the boy. Then she'll be able to remind him how to behave without it seeming like a slur on the parenting.

Why should she be - he's not her grandchild!