Want to leave OH can't bear living like this anymore

Person_one

ViolaLass wrote: »

Merlin68 was clearly talking about paying money for things hence:

"I don't celebrate by wasting money on tat, just to make the shops rich"

"Birthday presents aren't essential, my kids don't get them. Why does your dd need playgroup if your at home anyway? Same as school dinners, packed lunches."

Seems like her attitude is to get away with spending as little on her kids as possible.

Birthday presents are traditional in this country and are a lovely experience for a child. Playgroups are a great chance to socialise with others and make friends. School dinners are generally healthier than packed lunches unless you put an awful lot of effort in.

Meh, its not my problem I suppose, I just felt sorry for kids that never have that feeling of anticipation and excitement the night before their birthday, who aren't made to feel that the day they were born is an occasion worthy of a little bit of money spent on them for once, as a special treat.

ViolaLass

But that's exactly the point, you can treat someone without spending money on them.

Person_one

ViolaLass wrote: »

But that's exactly the point, you can treat someone without spending money on them.

You can do that any day of the year, what's so bad about a book or a cheap toy that's specifically because its their special day? She could save one of the 'bargains' from earlier in the year and wrap it up nicely.

ViolaLass

Person_one wrote: »

You can do that any day of the year, what's so bad about a book or a cheap toy that's specifically because its their special day? She could save one of the 'bargains' from earlier in the year and wrap it up nicely.

That assumes that the ideal is to spend money on someone. What my mother did on my 18th cost nothing and I loved it. A book would not have been as good.

dark_lady

merlin68 wrote: »

Birthday presents aren't essential, my kids don't get them. Why does your dd need playgroup if your at home anyway? Same as school dinners, packed lunches. Theres plenty of jobs you can do working from home. I work for livelines as a tarot card reader for 25 hours a week. you could do childmindings, ironing service. I also clean for 3 people a week.

You must be saving up lots of this dosh for your old age and any care you might need then at least i hope you are because i cant see your kids wanting to do it in your later years.
Theres a strong chance they might take the same attitude as you and decide that the care will cost too much money or that giving up work to live on the pittance of Carers Allowance (assuming that this benefit will still exist years from now) will be too much of a sacrifice and cost them too much.
And you wont be able to say much in reply when they turn to you and say "Well we learnt this from the best" You.

ViolaLass

dark_lady wrote: »

You must be saving up lots of this dosh for your old age and any care you might need then at least i hope you are because i cant see your kids wanting to do it in your later years.
Theres a strong chance they might take the same attitude as you and decide that the care will cost too much money or that giving up work to live on the pittance of Carers Allowance (assuming that this benefit will still exist years from now) will be too much of a sacrifice and cost them too much.
And you wont be able to say much in reply when they turn to you and say "Well we learnt this from the best" You.

Or they might say "Wow, you spent so much time with us when we were young, surprised us with presents for no reason during the year and expended effort thinking of interesting things to do on our birthdays whilst also working hard to make enough money to raise us. Thank you."

Plenty of assumptions in my post but no more than in yours. Money is not everything and love does not equal buying people things. My father used to buy me pretty much whatever I asked for but it was my mother who made the effort to play duets with me, ask me what I wanted cooked for my birthday or think up little surprises. Guess who I think of more fondly?

Maybe the OP saved the money and spent it on her children's education. Maybe she had no spare money after feeding and clothing them. Maybe she took them traveling instead. Maybe she's saved it to get them through university. To call her selfish because she didn't spend lots of money on their birthdays is ridiculous.

dark_lady

dark_lady wrote: »

You must be saving up lots of this dosh for your old age and any care you might need then at least i hope you are because i cant see your kids wanting to do it in your later years.
Theres a strong chance they might take the same attitude as you and decide that the care will cost too much money or that giving up work to live on the pittance of Carers Allowance (assuming that this benefit will still exist years from now) will be too much of a sacrifice and cost them too much.
And you wont be able to say much in reply when they turn to you and say "Well we learnt this from the best" You.

Can you please show me where in this post that i said she should spend LOTS of money on their birthdays?! Even little token things from somewhere like Poundworld would do bought with the Child Benefit perhaps? Tight people always like to twist things to make it sound like you are talking Harrods or Harvey Nichols. Well i wasnt even talking about Tesco or Argos. Plenty of cheap little things in Poundworld or charity shops. If you cant afford ONE POUND for ONE ITEM from one of these places from your child benefits or tax credits or from the 3 jobs you have then something is wrong somewhere.

merlin68

My kids have special days, dd wants to go to the pictures this year. I used to spend money on tat, but it all ended up under the bed or in the bin. So I decided a day out was more memorable for them. I spent £100 on taking all her friends to pizza hut.
She also had a £200 blackberry and a £50 handbag earlier in the year, the kids actually prefer it this way.
I got moaned at previously for being on benefits so got a job reading tarot cards which gets me of state support and earns me about £200 a week along with my cleaning jobs about another £100-£200 this varies by the week.

ViolaLass

Dark lady, I don't understand your insistence that real parents, who love their children, must buy them something for their birthday. I think birthdays and love are about more than just physical presents being handed over and I don't see why something from Poundland would be preferable to a well thought out surprise outing to a favourite place, for example.

It appears we disagree on this matter so let's leave it there.

dark_lady

Listen i didnt realise that you take them on outings instead so i am deeply sorry and i apologise.
A lot of youngsters probably would prefer an outing anyway especially with this they can get to take a couple of their mates along.
I see nothing wrong with tarot reading by the way. A friend of mine does it. She and i used to work in a sex chatline office together ten years ago and she used to bring in her tarot cards and runes sometimes. She says she much prefers the tarot line to the sex one.