Want to leave OH can't bear living like this anymore

tango

Although tempting ,it's sometimes not a good idea to ask for advice here. Its an emotional time and splitting up is c rap for both, and it's very easy for one poster to touch a nerve and for the OP to get defensive. You can never explain your story properly on an internet forum.
Life will move on regardless of the suffering and pain we go through when people separate/divorce, and thank goodness it does because time makes all the difference .

Person_one

merlin68 wrote: »

Birthday presents aren't essential, my kids don't get them. Why does your dd need playgroup if your at home anyway? Same as school dinners, packed lunches. Theres plenty of jobs you can do working from home. I work for livelines as a tarot card reader for 25 hours a week. you could do childmindings, ironing service. I also clean for 3 people a week.

I'm not sure which of the bolded is worse...

ViolaLass

Person_one wrote: »

I'm not sure which of the bolded is worse...

My vote is for neither (care to explain your view?).

martinthebandit

ViolaLass wrote: »

My vote is for neither (care to explain your view?).

............and thats my vote too

merlin68

Were does it say that bday presents are an essential part of life. I'm not christian therefore I don't celebrate by wasting money on tat, just to makethe shops rich. My kids get stuff when they need it or I spot a bargain.

rolo-polo1965

too_much_debt wrote: »

I am so fed up with my OH and his attitude to most things.

We are not married, we have been together 10.5 years, have 3 children (6, 5 and 3). Mortgage is in both our names, property is valued about £230k maybe a bit less (we paid £229,350 in 2005) mortgage is £179,000 I think. . He pays all the household bills ie mortgage, council tax, gas, electric, TV licence. He earns about £37k a year.

I cannot get a job due to OH's hours (he works one week lates, the next earlies etc and works every other weekend). I have to pay for everything else ie food for kids and myself, clothes for kids, birthday and Xmas presents for them, I am self employed and sell on Ebay but only part time as I have DD3 at home except for 2 afternoons a week for 2.5 hours.

He has never helped me wrap the kids presents, buy the kids presents, when it was DD3's birthday last week I bought everything, wrapped everything, paid for all the food for her party as my parents were up and the kids like a little tea party. He never helped tidy the house up (it's a tip and a real rush when anyone comes round), I could try and be a bit tidier but feel like a lodger in my own house, I hate it here, he does all the DIY himself and thinks he is so good at it but the place looks awful, he spends lots of money on plants, last year when it was DD birthday he spent about £150 on plants but never offered any money for her birthday presents or bought her anything.

There are lots of other things about him I hate, one main thing is that he lent him mum £9k from his credit card about 4 years ago (she had court fees to pay re his late father's estate) and she said she would pay it back but hasn't, she never mentions it to him and he never asks her for it he just says she is not in a position to pay him.

She also owes him £50k which is his inheritance from his father who died in 1991 (long story), the judge gave her his father's house back into her control from the Public Trustee on condition that she sold her other house to pay them what she owed and she hasn't done that either, he signed a legal document saying she would pay him on 31st December 2009 (she told him to put the very last day of the year this was done in November 2008). She asked OH's brother if he could lend her £5k to do the house up to sell it and then when he went on holiday she rented the rooms out (she rents the rooms out in two houses now).

When we argue he throws at me that he pays all the bills and when I say I pay out a lot too he says 'yes I know'. I asked him to lend me £72 for DD3 Playgroup fees a few weeks ago and he asked me earlier where the money was (I am deliberately not paying him back as he never asks his mum for the £60k she ows him always says 'she's not in a position to pay him', well neither am I so tough.

Everything has just come to a head now and I want to leave but have £16k credit card debt and no savings. I would love to move down to near my parents as they live 2 hours away.

I just don't know what I am entitled to or how things work when you leave someone. I have tried ringing CAB but they never answer the phones when I call when they say they are open. I'm starting to hate him so much.

I can't waste another 10 years of my life with this man.

Just don't know what to do, or how to go about leaving.

Thanks if you managed to read this far!

TMD

I was in the same situation as you. In November 2008 i left him.

This is a link to the thread contzining all the advise i was given: https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/1291367=

Some of the advise i was given i am sure will help you!

If i can be a listening ear do not hesitate to message me!

All the best

harrys_nan

rolo-polo1965 wrote: »

I was in the same situation as you. In November 2008 i left him.

This is a link to the thread contzining all the advise i was given: https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/1291367=

Some of the advise i was given i am sure will help you!

If i can be a listening ear do not hesitate to message me!

All the best

Thats probally the nicest reply on this posting :T

hngrymummy

RacyRed wrote: »

The OP appears to have gone into this relationship with substantial equity from the sale of her own home. She didn't get that by being silly with money.

No, she got that by house prices going up substantially over a short period of time. I was a bit silly with money for a while, but could've made 60k on my flat by selling it at the right time just because house prices went up.

Person_one

merlin68 wrote: »

Were does it say that bday presents are an essential part of life. I'm not christian therefore I don't celebrate by wasting money on tat, just to makethe shops rich. My kids get stuff when they need it or I spot a bargain.

Birthdays are not a Christian celebration :rotfl:

Even a tiny token or a card with a heartfelt message is better than nothing. Do you really want to say to your child "The day you came into the world and my life was just another day, no recognition necessary." Every other child will (hopefully) be made to feel just a little bit extra special on their birthday, except yours. They'll notice.

Tarot readings are A. absolute bull and B. exploiting the unintelligent/desperate.

dmg24

Person_one wrote: »

Birthdays are not a Christian celebration :rotfl:

Even a tiny token or a card with a heartfelt message is better than nothing. Do you really want to say to your child "The day you came into the world and my life was just another day, no recognition necessary." Every other child will (hopefully) be made to feel just a little bit extra special on their birthday, except yours. They'll notice.

Tarot readings are A. absolute bull and B. exploiting the unintelligent/desperate.

What job do you do Person_one? I find it difficult to understand how you can criticise someone who works to support their family, irrespective of what the job is (as long as it is legal)?