Want to leave OH can't bear living like this anymore

NickyBat

Person_one wrote: »

Apparently, if a man isn't getting regular enough sex on his timetable and at his convenience, any bad behaviour becomes his female partner's fault, you hear it a lot!

I'm not sure if that translates to gay relationships...

Man!!!!!
i would use that term loosely in his case, i have just seen a reply from him on another thread that was just as stupid

nad1611

You're obviously very unhappy, but sometimes unhappiness can be magnified, because you've got no one to tell and you can't tell the object of your anger.
But surely as we only have your side of the story it's only reasonable to tell him how you feel, he may feel he's doing enough and he's obviously unaware of his shortcomings.
Is there anything about him that you still feel good about. I have to support nickybat's sentiments, you may need to take a step back and actually think of this logically. Are there things you're doing that he may not be happy about.
Sometimes really having a good honest talk about what you are both unhappy about gives you at least some options. You either both decide that you have both got to change, or you decide there's nothing left to salvage.

If you don't at least give him a chance to change then that's not going to make a great start to any break up, because nothing will have been aired and you will be as angry as you are now. Isn't it worth a chance for the sake of your children. You don't mention his relationship to your children other than what he doesn't do in regard to birthdays etc. His behaviour isn't that unusual, my father never bought us our birthday or christmas presents but he certainly made sure we knew we were loved, in other ways.
I think you've reached a point where you have to take some action but I think that should be to arrange some time to sit down and air your views no holds barred and see what can be done.

stokeymad

This is a reply that too-much-debt sent to idiophreak

To Idiophreak

I just spoke to him and asked him what would he think if I gave up doing Ebay and his reply was 'well that would be stupid', when I asked him if he thought I was wasting my time doing Ebay his reply was 'it's all helping', when I asked him about going and getting a job he asked me 'what would you do and when would you do it'.

---

This doesnt suggest to me that he doesnt want you to get a job. If anything those replies all sound like he is desperate for any money the BOTH of you can bring in and he realises that your finances are in complete disarray.
And you say he smacked your child on the arm that left a red mark, but did you even ask him why he was punishing her if she made the other child cry? if she had done something completely dangerous, maybe it was just passion coming through? I dont condone hitting children just seems like your that stubborn you refuse to communicate with him on a basic level.
Seems to me like your very immature, you even use your children against him by saying HE CAN TRAVEL TO SEE THEM, as in your having the final laugh? All a bit pathetic really, I would say leave him to give him a break.

Bambywamby

JodyBPM wrote: »

Really not convincing me that you are anything other than very irresponsible with money here! Making me understand even more clearly why your DH doesn't want to keep bailing you out!

Never the less, if he is all the things that you have said in previous posts (mean to you, uninterested in the children, hitting the children etc) then I think they are good reasons to leave him. I'm just confused as to why these weren't the primary reasons given in the OP rather than you going on about money!

Personally I don't think the OP has to convince "you" that she is good with money or not. She is miserable, has had enough and wants to leave him. Life is too short to stay shackled in what sounds like a loveless, empty relationship.

ajaney

My interpretation of this thread is that the OP & her partner have seperate finances so to speak & this is causing the friction. I am not married to my partner, we have been together for 12 years & have an 11 month old. We have a joint account & all monies go into this to pay our bills etc. I look after the day-to-day budgeting but we trust each other to be sensible - & this is what is missing with the OP. I am returning to work for 2 days a week & our child is going to nursery - my OH works rotating shifts so I know how difficult it is to work around these, nigh on impossible other than working for yourself or from home which is what the OP does.

I think if you cant pool your monies for the benefit of your family then it's time to examine whether you can continue to live in this way. Perhaps Relate counselling would help, even if you go on you own to start with?

Wishing you all the best.

asbokid

the current arrangement sounds very temporary. maybe you would be better off getting married so you are properly committed to each other.

ViolaLass

asbokid wrote: »

the current arrangement sounds very temporary. maybe you would be better off getting married so you are properly committed to each other.

How would that help matters? Commitment is something you do every day, not something you do once and get a certificate for.

martinthebandit

Now call me a suspicious and cynical old boy but two things spring to mind.

The OP signature shows -

Total Debt at 22/1/11 - £16701.24
Sealed Pot Challenge 2010 - #282
Long Haul Supporter #147
PAD - Re-starting 22.12.10 - £3726.95
Pay off £13,000 in 2011 Challenge No. 50 £4487.17/£13,000

So hubby does not seem to be doing too bad at helping getting the household out of the poo; and

2. if she does leave him, instead of just talking about it from the look of things she is going to be far worse of financially.

So I think my advice would be, chin up, jog on and try and be more supportive

merlin68

Birthday presents aren't essential, my kids don't get them. Why does your dd need playgroup if your at home anyway? Same as school dinners, packed lunches. Theres plenty of jobs you can do working from home. I work for livelines as a tarot card reader for 25 hours a week. you could do childmindings, ironing service. I also clean for 3 people a week.

Darlyd

merlin68 wrote: »

I work for livelines as a tarot card reader for 25 hours a week. you could do childmindings, ironing service. I also clean for 3 people a week.

Is there much money working from home doing tarot/chat line etc? I was going to do chat line BUT it's pennies? I need to up my income a little (well a lot would be nice). I am a late person so night's would be fab. Maybe I would not have to take on a second job. ?

Sorry to hijack BTW