Want to leave OH can't bear living like this anymore

Plans_all_plans

Meritaten, I saw nothing in the OP that indicated mental abuse, have I missed something?

OP I appreciate you feel in a difficult situation at the moment. Have you tried relationship counselling?

diable

Have you told your other half that you have had enough and you are thinking of leaving?

make_me_wise

I would advise going to the local CAB office and asking for an appointment, they are notoriously diffficult to get hold of.

You seem emotionally ready to leave but I guess the financial side of things is a big worry.

As a lone parent with kids you will get the child benefit, child tax credits, possibly income support dependant on what equity you recieve from your property. With income support comes council tax benefit and free school meals.

Either arranged with the ex via solicitors or through csa you can claim child maintenance. This doesn't effect means tested benefits anymore.

If you went out to work you would get working tax credit on top of child tax credit if you work at least 16 hours a week. You can also claim back 70% of childcare though I believe there are certain conditions to this.

I wish you luck hun. A happier life is do-able.

meritaten

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

Meritaten, I saw nothing in the OP that indicated mental abuse, have I missed something?

OP I appreciate you feel in a difficult situation at the moment. Have you tried relationship counselling?

you didnt see mental abuse? it was apparent all through the thread. refusal to engage in family life. separating his OH from moneys owed to them. if fact it was as if he was a lodger with sex benefits - he didnt treat her like a wife - more like a housekeeper who BTW had his kids - but they were just a periphery. and if thats not mental abuse - I dont know what is!
If that sounds normal to you - I DO hope you arent married or in a relationship.

Newly_retired

Sorry you are finding CAB hard to get hold of. It is because it is so busy and often short staffed ( mainly by volunteers).
The website www.adviceguide.org.uk has information on Ending a marriage also on Ending a relationship and deals with the financial, housing and children issues. You can get a benefit entitlement check done at CAB or go to entitledto website.
Hope this helps.

Blackpool_Saver

Yes I can see abuse too, and narcissism, what a pig, get away from him

hcb42

Speak to your parents to get support, if you havent done already..

Rachel021967

You need to sit down with him after the kids have gone to bed and tell him calmly how unhappy you are. It sounds as though it suits him to pay the bills to maintain a roof over his head but has not accepted the responsibility of maintaining his family. He needs to grow up. However, I think a slanging match will get neither of you anywhere. You both need to pool your money and set a budget. As for the house I don't think men initially know how time consuming a little one is. I left my then baby daughter with my husband for a day and he never complained about the house again. He just didn't realise how time consuming they are. As for work can you get help with childcare costs?
You obviously loved him to have three children by him and maybe that can be rekindled with the help of relationship counselling. However, if at the end of the day you still want to leave seek advice about the best way of going about this from CAB. Whatever you do please for the sake of the children keep it as amicable as you can. At the end of the day he is their dad and they probably love him to bits.

clearingout

hun, please do not worry about the financial side of things. You WILL manage. My ex walked out on me 2 1/2 years ago and I went from having a child in private school to the same child being entitled to free school meals in a very short space of time. My ex went on to live a lovely, very much improved lifestyle from the one we had (and we weren't living 'badly'!) and he still does. It took me a long time to come to terms with it all and an even longer time to start to re-build but I have managed, the children are clothed, housed and fed and I am running a car and paying back a debt of £5k all on tax credit and a part-time job and more recently, on income support due to lack of work (I was freelance). I won't deny it's hard but I don't live with his constant anger and am far happier in myself.

seven-day-weekend

meritaten wrote: »

Dont think 'how will I manage'! That is what is stopping most abused women from leaving. You are right at the end of your tether - so snap it and go! you may not be physically abused but you ARE mentally abused so dont think twice about phoning womens aid! they WILL help you!
I am not going to list the ways your OH is abusing you. You have realised it and thats enough.
you can either walk out in what you stand up in and phone a shelter - or plan for it. thats up to you.
there is good advice on the threads - but I think you would be better off phoning a womans aid line or a shelter.
Good luck hun.
Merit

Where is the abuse?? He doesn't buy the kids presents and his mum owes him some money? He also works hard and pays all the bills. Well to me that is not the stuff abuse is made of, nor grounds for leaving him. I agree the relationship needs to be worked at, by both of them.

However, she obviously doesn't want to stay and it takes two to make a relationship.

I'm sure she has had plenty of advice on how to do this, so I have nothing more to say.