Want to leave OH can't bear living like this anymore

Caroline_a

too_much_debt wrote: »

I never had any maternity pay I had to pay it all back as I got pregnant with DD2 when DD1 was 4 months old and couldn't return to work.

I'm not replying to anymore posts, it's pointless as people are not listening to what I am saying they are just picking up on the bits they want to pick up on.

His life is no different to what it was 10 years ago when he met me he is still paying the same bills, children are a 50-50 thing, they are 50% me and 50% him so surely he can SOMETIMES spend some money on them or for things they need, he wanted them as much as I did.

I am so shocked by some posts that he pays the bills and that is the end of his responsibility, he shouldn't have had kids then.

Even my dad said to him that he lives the life of a single man and would he like to be single again but he didn't reply, so he will find himself single and will have to travel 2 hours every other weekend when he is off to see his kids, if he's not prepared to pay a measly £72 for his daughters playgroups fees then shame on him and shame on anyone who thinks he is the poor hard done by one here.

Don't assume this. When I moved away from my ex, the court decided that we had to split the travel between us. They took no financial consideration into the decision, because whether I had less money than him or not, it was my decision to move, and initially the judge said that because I had made this decision I had to do all the travelling, and not my husband. It was later reversed, but it cost me a lot of money for the 6 months it was in force.

FBaby

what comes across is that you are both very bad with finances. You accuse him of spending money on plants as if it was a terrible thing, yet you say you spend money on cds... how is that any different?

In the end, you are both spending over your mean, it doesn't matter who should pay what, you together can't seem to be able to afford your lifestyle.

You seem to think that the problem is mostly with your OH and don't think he will change, so I guess that means it is time to move on, but be prepared to the fact that you might find yourself even more tired and even more stretch financially, single motherhood is tough.

too_much_debt

FBaby wrote: »

what comes across is that you are both very bad with finances. You accuse him of spending money on plants as if it was a terrible thing, yet you say you spend money on cds... how is that any different?

In the end, you are both spending over your mean, it doesn't matter who should pay what, you together can't seem to be able to afford your lifestyle.

You seem to think that the problem is mostly with your OH and don't think he will change, so I guess that means it is time to move on, but be prepared to the fact that you might find yourself even more tired and even more stretch financially, single motherhood is tough.

Sorry I said I DON'T buy CD's DVDs clothes for myself or anything else for myself except food.

FBaby

ok, but isn't paying for a playgroup an unecessary cost when you are a SAHM? Maybe that is why he is difficult, he doesn't think it is an essential bill.

JodyBPM

FBaby wrote: »

ok, but isn't paying for a playgroup an unecessary cost when you are a SAHM? Maybe that is why he is difficult, he doesn't think it is an essential bill.

To be fair, playgroup could well be for socialisation, which I think is fair enough.

I'm still confused on what she has spent nearly £100K on in the last 6 years when she has no mortgage, bills, council tax etc to pay, and she spends (apparently) nothing on herself. They must be some swish clothes and presents she's buying for her children!

jenjade

wow i have read pretty much most of this thread and i am really disappointed! What on earth is wrong with you people???

Not much debt- if you are not happy in your relationship FOR WHATEVER REASON and you want to seperate that is completly up to you. i can see from you opening post that you were hoping for some advice and support and i really cant understand why you havent recieved it. the whole point of the forum is to advice and support people not slag them off and pick on them. if you do not wish to be with your partner any more and you do not love him then please do make plans leave and enjoy your life.

I left my DD's dad when she was 9 month old because i didnt love him anymore... he didnt abuse, beat, downgrade me i just stopped loving him and felt unhappy with him. since leaving i have become a happy independant single parent and i have never looked back it was the best thing i ever did.

too much debt. you have obviously thought about things and decided you dont want to be with your partner anymore. The next step i think would be to try and speak to him about leaving arrangments, contact, maintance etc try and sort out what you can between you.

i would keep trying to speak to someone at the CAB for advice on what you are entitled to etc. Also you should see a solisitor it may be better if he moved out. i am not sure but it may be worth looking into.

try to make the seperation as easy as possible for the kids, if you can arrange contact before you leave it will really reassure the children.

It is a scary step but if you are not happy then you know what you need to do.

If you wanna chat feel free to pm me. i really hope some positive support and advice is posted soon.

If you have been through a simular thing please post a nice supportive post to help this women

GOOD LUCK!

too_much_debt

JodyBPM wrote: »

To be fair, playgroup could well be for socialisation, which I think is fair enough.

I'm still confused on what she has spent nearly £100K on in the last 6 years when she has no mortgage, bills, council tax etc to pay, and she spends (apparently) nothing on herself. They must be some swish clothes and presents she's buying for her children!

Sorry but where do you get £100k from? I had £50k profit from my house that paid for the same things I paid for when I was working after I stopped working, I still paid rent to OH for staying at his flat (that is £7,200 for 2 years), I didn't stop paying just because I was pregnant. Yes I did buy my kids Clarks shoes when they were younger, the youngest child I still buy Clarks for at least for another year as they are better for her growing feet. Oh and yes in August 2004 (the month before conceiving my first child) I paid for myself and my parents to go to Hawaii as they had done a lot for me over the years (still do) and I wanted to treat them as a Thank You, so shoot me for spending some of my profit from my house sale after I had been working 2 jobs for 3 years.

'A baby costs an average of £8,500 in the first year alone' and I was paying for all the baby stuff out of my £50k so don't tell me my OH pays for everything I paid for all the baby stuff for two babies (DD2 was born when DD1 was 13 months old) as I had my savings which is fair enough as I had the money but now I don't have any money I should be able to ask for a bit of help, it's not like they are someone else's kids and I'm expecting him to help me out, he wanted them just as much.

I haven't had to ask him to pay for something for his own kids for months.

You know I think you might be a bit annoyed that I get to stay at home and look after my kids while you have to go out to work.

too_much_debt

jenjade wrote: »

wow i have read pretty much most of this thread and i am really disappointed! What on earth is wrong with you people???

Not much debt- if you are not happy in your relationship FOR WHATEVER REASON and you want to seperate that is completly up to you. i can see from you opening post that you were hoping for some advice and support and i really cant understand why you havent recieved it. the whole point of the forum is to advice and support people not slag them off and pick on them. if you do not wish to be with your partner any more and you do not love him then please do make plans leave and enjoy your life.

I left my DD's dad when she was 9 month old because i didnt love him anymore... he didnt abuse, beat, downgrade me i just stopped loving him and felt unhappy with him. since leaving i have become a happy independant single parent and i have never looked back it was the best thing i ever did.

too much debt. you have obviously thought about things and decided you dont want to be with your partner anymore. The next step i think would be to try and speak to him about leaving arrangments, contact, maintance etc try and sort out what you can between you.

i would keep trying to speak to someone at the CAB for advice on what you are entitled to etc. Also you should see a solisitor it may be better if he moved out. i am not sure but it may be worth looking into.

try to make the seperation as easy as possible for the kids, if you can arrange contact before you leave it will really reassure the children.

It is a scary step but if you are not happy then you know what you need to do.

If you wanna chat feel free to pm me. i really hope some positive support and advice is posted soon.

If you have been through a simular thing please post a nice supportive post to help this women

GOOD LUCK!

Thanks JenJade

I have had a couple of lovely Private Messages and I really appreciate them. I appreciate your post too.

jenjade

i am just sorry that there are not more messages of support. i really cant understand everyones obsessions about money ... what you earn where it goes etc. it is not relevant what is more relevant would be some help on what you would be able to claim etc

pebbles88

Op I don't know if you are still even reading this, I'm horrified by some of the posts on here. What is happening to mse lately??? Please be nice to all moneysavers eh???

I've have pm'd you. At the end of the day, you know what's right for you to do. Take care xx