Husband gone, what now?

LillythePink

Yay go you!

I know that you're along way from getting all the answers you want or need, but you definately seem a different and stronger person and it's obviously showing through for him to make those comments to you.

Hugs to you

LittleMissMPB

TooSad,

I don't have any advice as far as what you are going through, however, with regards to the men not crying... My OH has lost his mum and his dad. His mum died when he was 17, and his dad died when he was 25 (now 26 so not long ago really). He didn't cry about either at the time. His mum, well, they had prepared themselves as she had cancer and was in hospital very ill, although the night before she died she had been feeling better and they were hopeful that she would be getting better and it was the last thing they thought could happen at that stage (was a complication from the chemo in the end). He didn't cry, just accepted it, even went back to college the next day, although he did, and still does talk about how much he misses her. I think I have seen him almost cry a couple of times, red eyes and a single tear sort of thing. His dad passed away after having a sudden heart attack. Completely unexpected. We got a phone call at around 1am one morning, I can still remember the conversation (it was from his dads mobile), and he just hung up the phone and said 'oh s***' and we just sat in silence for a few minutes before he got up and said he had to ring his sister. On the first anniversary of his death we were out getting the car MOT'd and waiting there, when a song that reminded him of his dad came on the radio, and the guy who never cried broke down in public. I however, cried straight away on hearing the news. Different people deal with it in different ways.

TooSad

LillythePink wrote: »

Yay go you!

I know that you're along way from getting all the answers you want or need, but you definately seem a different and stronger person and it's obviously showing through for him to make those comments to you.

Hugs to you

Indeed, I have the attitude that he needs to see what he is missing, but it's not about putting on a show it's about me knowing that I am a worthy person and I am something to cherish, and he is a flippin' idiot!

Incyder

A friend of mine moved out from his wife, similar circumstances. He went through 2 years of her self absorbed depression and then it started to drag him down too, to her level. He realised there was no benefit to that, so rented a house a few miles away. This was the jolt she needed to sort herself out. She did and 1 yr later they are now back together.

TooSad

Incyder wrote: »

A friend of mine moved out from his wife, similar circumstances. He went through 2 years of her self absorbed depression and then it started to drag him down too, to her level. He realised there was no benefit to that, so rented a house a few miles away. This was the jolt she needed to sort herself out. She did and 1 yr later they are now back together.

Thanks, its nice to hear it can work out, I know it's probably going to be a long slog for me/us too.

deb68_2

could;nt read an run, I wish could help take your hurt and pain away,if you want a chat scream or shout pm me,if i can help i will listen i can do that, thinking of you
take care
((((((((( dj))))))))))
xxx

MatyMoo

I was away when you originally posted and have just read through the whole thread. It is so lovely when people come back and update their original thread and you can see changes being made :T

Whatever happens in the future, you already sound so much stronger, I am sure you will be able to cope with it.

TooSad

MatyMoo wrote: »

I was away when you originally posted and have just read through the whole thread. It is so lovely when people come back and update their original thread and you can see changes being made :T

Whatever happens in the future, you already sound so much stronger, I am sure you will be able to cope with it.

Thank you for your kind words.

Don't get me wrong I'm still desperately sad and was sat bawling on the sofa this afternoon looking through photos of happy times. But then I stopped myself because how I think is how I will ultimately feel and if i'm sad I will become more depressed again. I feel more in control I suppose is what I'm trying to say. In control of my emotional self, and not letting them control me.
Yet still broken hearted, such an emotional roller-coaster, I'm trying to look for the positives in everything no matter how small.

I feel stronger, yet too weak to confront my husband and the problems were having, I'm sure that will come with time.

NickyBat

Sounds like you are doing well. When i read your post i was about to reply along the lines of (i think) it was paddysmum. I find it quite incredible that your hubby could just walk out without even talking to you about it all, also that he could be a rock for his family when they needed him through their troubles but not for you when you needed him.

Anyway i'm not going to sit here and slate him, it sounds like you have taken on board what has already been said and "wised up" to him.
Good luck...... and well done on the decorating YOUR colour lol

TooSad

Gahhhh....why do they do your head in.

He came home last night, not for good, but came round, let himself in - hasn't done that since he left, and sat down and watched TV with me. After about 20 minutes I asked him why he was here as it obviously wasn't to talk to me, and he could have watched TV at his mums (where he had been for tea)

Anyway he didn't say anything, I just went about doing what I was doing, I felt him staring at me a few times, but still he didn't want to talk, he talked a bit but not about anything of any importance or significance.

I am at a loss as to what it was all about, I haven't let it knock me back, im just puzzled.

I've been into work today to arrange returning next week on a phased return, which I am happy about, they have honestly been the greatest and I know I am so lucky to have such fab employers.

Anyway off to get ready for swimming, and to ruminate what a strange man I have married (lol)