Husband gone, what now?

TooSad

It's September!!! I've survived the summer holidays on my own in the house but have been making huge strides in rebuilding my relationship with my OH.

We have spent time with each other most days and have done many things together as a couple to help us to appreciate what we have.
Since I last posted we spent a wonderful Bank Holiday Monday together and had a lovely time, not everyones cup of tea what we did but we had fun.
We spent a long time talking about his best mate (our bestman) money worries, another kid on the way can't really afford it etc etc.
Which then led to discussions about us and money, and I said again about supporting him but gave clearer clarification as to what I meant. And we got on to him not telling me that he was struggling with financial commitments before he left, I said he should have said, he said I should have known, I said I wasnt a mind reader, he had no reply.
To be honest if I hadnt been ill I would have probably known that something was amiss, but I was so wrapped up in my own little depressive cocoon I barely cared about myself let alone anyone else, I feel now looking back, I existed I just went through the motions. (If that makes sense)
Anyway I got upset about it and apologised, couldn't really get anymore upset as I was driving!
We then went for a lovely late lunch, we had a great time we were talking about our wedding, holidays we had been on and generally just reminding ourselves about the good times we had had together. I also made a reference to it being pay day and he said "How much did we get". Something which he hasnt said for months and months, it may have been a flippant comment but it refered to us!
When we were talking about what we had been doing that day he said he had had an almost perfect day

I still think he has been battling his own depressive illness, but would not, could not face up to it. He has changed into a more positive person.

I spent a day with my SIL shopping and then out for lunch (see a pattern forming here )
She also said she has seen a real improvement in me and my outlook, I havent seen her since May/June time, she said the sadness has gone from my eyes - which is a positive. :j
OH then came round when I got back to see me, not for anything in particular just because he wanted to, possibly because I had chocolate cake :rotfl:
He came for tea last night and for the first time in ages sat close to me on the sofa, these are all baby steps but all positive baby steps in my mind.
He is coming out with me this afternoon after I've been into work.

I honestly think that spending time together every day no matter how long we are together is all working on moving in the right direction. Yes I do want to press the Fast Forward button and speed things up, but I am concious that we need to work through this at a speed that is comfortbale for us both.
I said right from the start that as long as I had a ring on my finger and a desire in my heart I would fight for my marriage until I couldn't fight anymore. I have a ton of fight left.
I am a strong, independent woman who is completely in control of every aspect of my life now and I am incredibly proud of me :T:T

TS x

bonnie_bumpkins

TooSad wrote: »

I said right from the start that as long as I had a ring on my finger and a desire in my heart I would fight for my marriage until I couldn't fight anymore. I have a ton of fight left.

Blimey that's one tough-talking lady

There's no stopping you now NTSAM. You are an inspiration to anyone facing a really difficult situation. BBx

TooSad

bonnie_bumpkins wrote: »

Blimey that's one tough-talking lady

There's no stopping you now NTSAM. You are an inspiration to anyone facing a really difficult situation. BBx

Thank you BB. I feel so contented with my life now, I don't feel the sadness and downright despair that I felt a mere 17 weeks ago.
How I have evolved as a person has surprised me and I mean that in a good way.
I am hitting the town tonight with my friends and am very much looking forward to letting my hair down. Work starts back on Monday so its a nice ending to the holidays.
I am slightly apprehensive about starting back at work, not because of the job, but because I don't know how continuing to build on our realtionship will fit in with us both being back at work. I guess we cross that bridge when it comes to it.
I guess im a little worried that when we both get wrapped back up in work, where does the time for us fit in. I suppose like now we need to make the time and ensure that it is quality time. (Talking myself through this really!)

Anyway thank you for you support BB you have been amazing :T

TS x

TooSad

Just got in after a fab night out. Got td I was stunningly beautiful by a man in a bar - not sure if he was wearing beer googles though lol had the best time. Will pay for it tomorrow I'm sure.

TS x

TooSad

I feel a sofa day is on the cards today! Last night was ace after we extracted ourselves from bars where the "yoofs" were dancing to boom boom boom music - lol.
I felt great last night confident, attractive and sexy (!!) I haven't been out like last night for ages and I really felt that the old/new me was back!
Work starts back tomorrow I am looking forward to it, usually I get tonow and think omg I still haven't done x, y and z, but I'm on top of everything now and completely in control :-)

TS x

MrsAtobe

You go girl!

TooSad

Well I've been back at work 4 days, have had a great time, new kids are great, old kids are great but more grown up. All's good. Feel a bit ropey today think the germs that have been floating about have made me a bit poorly. But an early night should fix that.
Have met a colleague today who I last saw in march, she said I looked like a different person which is positive!! :-)
OH is back at the chalk face too, he came for tea last night going to see him at the weekend. Alls good, I think. Well nothing is bad.
Acupuncture tomorrow, my sleep is restless again so I hope she might be able to balance me out again.

Will be back soon with another update
TS x

TooSad

What a beautiful day here in TS World! Really warm, washing is blowing on the line, i've been out in the sun.
I had acupuncture yesterday, she made me cry, don't know why she just did, talking about the changing seasons and keeping hold of what is important to you as like in the harvest. It was quite uncomfortbale to start off with and every needle ached when first put in but she eventually got them balanced. Didn't sleep any better last night though boo hiss!!!
Going to try to have a busy busy afternoon and evening to tire myself out. SO sick of not feeling rested. I think its working that doesn't agree with me :rotfl::rotfl:

Have a good weekend everyone
Ts x

TooSad

My sister came round earlier to see me as she has been on holiday, she had been to see my dad and she said he isn't coping with keeping on top of things at home.
Im ashamed to admit it but I havent been to see him at home since May, I have seen him and spoke to him lots since then, but I find it so sad going home and mum not being there. Just the thought of it makes me sad. I guess that with dealing with my depression I need to deal with the fact dad now lives there alone and no matter how much I want it to be different it never will be.
I feel like a rotten daughter that he isn't coping in terms of keeping the house clean and tidy, he did have a cleaner but she broke her ankle, but she used to do about 4 hours a week and did his ironing too. I have offered on numerous occasions to help him out but I either don't get a response or he changes the subject. Sister who told me doesn't know what to do, she is dads step daughter and doesn't feel that she has a close enough relationship to him to say anything eventhough she has been in his life for 35 years!
I know that he probably doesnt even see it as a problem, hence him not taking up offers for help, and I know we cannot force him to change or to do anything he doesn't want to. In terms of other things he is coping admirably, but mum literally did do everything for him, so he has had to learn to cook, iron etc and is doing most things well. But its just what my sister has said has really got to me.
I suppose I need to go and see it for myself and see whether it is as bad as she is saying. But if it is I don't know what to do.

Apart from worrying about the above today I have cleaned top to bottom, have washed and ironed and done some gardening. Took a break to go watch the Vulcan land at the airport, yet still I am not tired.

I feel emotionally drained though today, I have gone from feeling elated and happy this morning to feeling so sad tonight

I hope tomorrow is a better day, I think the weather is meant to be poop so maybe I should have left all indoor work until tomorrow - doh!

TS x

DarlingBuds

Hi TooSad,

Can I just say WOW! I read you're original entry and I panicked to give you some advise so I jumped to the end and can't believe the mood you are in!!!

I'm going to read the middle parts now and try and work out what the hell happened inbetween.... but I'm so glad your life is better - maybe you could help me out with mine....