Child Stealing and Lying

ladymarmalade1970

Lots of children steal at some stage or another and they don't turn into thief's when they are older! I found out my daughter was shoplifting when she was 12. I asked her to show me the stuff she stole and we went back to the shop and had a word with the manager. She gave all the stuff back and the manager was brilliant and explained to my daughter that she was very lucky she didn't get caught as she could have gone to the police station etc. My daughter was mortified ,very upset and truly sorry. I am pretty confident she won't steal again. I found out as her childminder told me but our childminder also told me it was very common and not to worry.
I don't think stealing a biscuit is even as bad as stealing from a shop. I bet most kids have stolen a biscuit from a cupboard at home before. I know i used to. Most kids will lie to get out of trouble too. My sister used to have a passion for pickled beetroot and my mum would say who has eaten all the beetroot and sister would stand there with bright red fingers going "weren't me". That's kids!

faithcecilia

ladymarmalade1970 wrote: »

Lots of children steal at some stage or another and they don't turn into thief's when they are older! I found out my daughter was shoplifting when she was 12. I asked her to show me the stuff she stole and we went back to the shop and had a word with the manager. She gave all the stuff back and the manager was brilliant and explained to my daughter that she was very lucky she didn't get caught as she could have gone to the police station etc. My daughter was mortified ,very upset and truly sorry. I am pretty confident she won't steal again. I found out as her childminder told me but our childminder also told me it was very common and not to worry.
I don't think stealing a biscuit is even as bad as stealing from a shop. I bet most kids have stolen a biscuit from a cupboard at home before. I know i used to. Most kids will lie to get out of trouble too. My sister used to have a passion for pickled beetroot and my mum would say who has eaten all the beetroot and sister would stand there with bright red fingers going "weren't me". That's kids!

I agree with you here. I don't consider taking a biscuit at home theft, just 'naughtiness' as she knows she isn't allowed to, however stealing from the school shop is theft to my mind. I think what you did with your daughter was spot on - you made her face what she had done (which I'm sure took more than 12mins start to finish) and in facing it she was shamed (mortified) into realising it was very wrong and was genuinely sorry having realised it was serious business. In making her go through this you have taught her it is simply unacceptable behaviour. Yes, I also think all children do it at some point, but they need to know from day one that it is not acceptable and could land them in far more trouble than just with the parents - as you say here, your daughter could easily have been arrested and it was sheer luck that she wasn't.

shellsuit

I have more 'experience' than the mother of a toddler, giving birth does not instantly make you the perfect parent

More experience of what?

Experience doesn't make someone perfect with children, so what's your point?



ETA : my kids have taken food from the kitchen many a time, but they have never stolen food from the kitchen, as the food is for all the family, so cannot be 'stolen'.

faithcecilia

shellsuit wrote: »

More experience of what?

Experience doesn't make someone perfect with children, so what's your point?



ETA : my kids have taken food from the kitchen many a time, but they have never stolen food from the kitchen, as the food is for all the family, so cannot be 'stolen'.

I never once said I was perfect, but just pointing out that not having given birth des not mean I have no idea how to discipline a child.

On your second point, yes I agree, and its not the biscuit from home that worries me, its stealing from the school shop.

shellsuit

faithcecilia wrote: »

I never once said I was perfect, but just pointing out that not having given birth des not mean I have no idea how to discipline a child.

On your second point, yes I agree, and its not the biscuit from home that worries me, its stealing from the school shop.

You said you had more experience than a Mother of a toddler ~ experience of what? Discipline?

How did you come to that conclusion?

A lot of children play up for their parents, but are good as gold with other people ~ that's a fact and experience doesn't even come into it.

And men don't give birth to their children, so do you have more experience than them or not?

faithcecilia

Shellsuit, a quick look will show you I mean years of experience - as someone who has worked with children on and off for 15yrs I have more years experience, even without kids of my own, that parents of a toddler who have never worked with children. But you are picking at spots now, and I know that whatever I now say will be used against me. But that doesn't worry me, this is just an internet forum! I know, and the family i work for know, that my discipline techniques are not cruel or heartless (as I have said a number of times, I take my lead from the mother anyway firstly because she pays my wages, and secondly because he needs stability) and that the child is a far happier and better behaved child all round (with them as much as with me) now he knows his boundaries and the consequences if he chooses to be naughty.

So dig at me if you want to, I really don't mind, I just hope the girl in question here learns that even a tough homelife, if that is what it is, is no excuse for stealing.

FatVonD

faithcecilia wrote: »

So by your own reasoning, the mother here knows better than the OP.

No, if you'd read my post properly rather than looking for something to prop up your floundering argument you would have seen that I said something along the lines of 'unless they themselves were damaged, more often than not by their own cruel upbringing' (I can't be bother to go back to find the exact quote.)

faithcecilia wrote: »

If that means 'breaking her will' then I'd say its well worth it to save her fom a life of crime.

The worst possible thing you could do to a child is 'break their will', have you ever actually read anything about childcare?

faithcecilia wrote: »

nuns don't teach anyway, religious sisters do in some cases but not nuns.

Semantics, you got my point.

snookey

Hi op It sounds as if your sister in law has some kind of grudge against your neice. My mum used to take her frustrations and anger out on me as she was unhappy with my dad. Maybe a sit down talk with your sister in law in which you bring up the subject of children and disipline in general will be the way forward. Sometimes parents can not see what they are doing wrong until its pointed out.
The way you are brought up can influence the way you are as a parent and some habits become ingrained,

Edinburghlass_2

faithcecilia wrote: »

I never once said I was perfect, but just pointing out that not having given birth des not mean I have no idea how to discipline a child.

On your second point, yes I agree, and its not the biscuit from home that worries me, its stealing from the school shop.

Do you have any idea how to love a child?

Another supposedly fussy eater here and you know what, being told to sit at the table until I had eaten a meal, really, really didn't make me like it. I was about 16 when my Mum decided to give up and stopped putting veg on my plate. To the user who mentioned texture, that is it with me, I love fruit but still wouldn't put a peach or banana in my mouth.

To the OP listen to Mupette she spoke such sense.

kerrypn

Just an idea OP-but could you offer to mind the younger 2 children so mum and daughter could get some bonding time?