Child Stealing and Lying

shellsuit

faithcecilia wrote: »

Shellsuit, a quick look will show you I mean years of experience - as someone who has worked with children on and off for 15yrs I have more years experience, even without kids of my own, that parents of a toddler who have never worked with children. But you are picking at spots now, and I know that whatever I now say will be used against me. But that doesn't worry me, this is just an internet forum! I know, and the family i work for know, that my discipline techniques are not cruel or heartless (as I have said a number of times, I take my lead from the mother anyway firstly because she pays my wages, and secondly because he needs stability) and that the child is a far happier and better behaved child all round (with them as much as with me) now he knows his boundaries and the consequences if he chooses to be naughty.

So dig at me if you want to, I really don't mind, I just hope the girl in question here learns that even a tough homelife, if that is what it is, is no excuse for stealing.

Someone who has worked on and off with children for 15 years?

That could mean for 6 months in year 1, 2 months in year 5 and a year for year 14-15 so that means nothing to me.

I'm not picking at anything ~ you think you're better qualified with kids than the Mother of a toddler is, but that's just your opinion.

And don't forget, you get paid to do it, that's your job, whereas some Mother have jobs, plus have to look after the home and children, so don't have as much time and patience as someone who is being paid to do the same thing.

I wouldn't have you look after my child, even for free as some of the things you have said are quite disturbing.

Mojisola

faithcecilia wrote: »

nuns don't teach anyway, religious sisters do in some cases but not nuns.

Our teachers were nuns. That's what they call themselves still and they should know.

meritaten

OP - have you decided what action, if any, you are going to take?
I still favour having a word with the headteacher of the childs school. they would take stealing from the tuck shop very seriously - not least because it shows there is a problem going on with the child - and if a concerned relative were to give them the reasons you have given us - they may well pursue matters.
Please dont give up on this kid - she deserves better than to be branded as a thief or a manipulative little cow at the age of 9!

pinkclouds

kerrypn wrote: »

Just an idea OP-but could you offer to mind the younger 2 children so mum and daughter could get some bonding time?

I think this could be a good idea, if SIL is amenable.

themapples wrote: »

Off the top of my head, the foods she won't eat are any fruit of veg, pasta or rice. She says she doesn't like the texture. She's not noticeably underweight, perhaps more on the overweight side even. I totally agree with whoever (sorry, lots of responses!) said that it was an effort to regain an area of control. She gets no other food if tea isn't eaten. She definitely eats her school meal- I'm friends with one of the dinnerladies who watches her like a hawk for me!
I'm not sure how often she's told to stand in the corner tbh since I'm not there all the time. However, say 3 or 4 times in the past month when I've actually been there.

I don't think the mother is being intentionally abusive. It seems a matter of liking control. Problems only occur if the kid goes against what the mother says for whatever reason- no ifs or buts whatsoever may be raised however rational.

It seems to me that the mom is having difficulty adjusting to her daughter growing up, when kids become more questioning and boundary-pushing. She's not actually starving. It's incredibly unhealthy to refuse to eat *any* fruit or vegetables. They are not homogenous and have a variety of textures. (A dislike of pasta and rice is believable, I think.) The "corner"/time-out incidents are when the OP is present and are not hidden. Parents *should* be "in control" as they are the adults and are supposed to nurture and guide their children. The actual main problem seems to be the approach taken to communicating with the little girl. This doesn't seem to be a case of being, I don't know, slapped around or force fed fried liver and gristle!

I think the kid might respond well to an explanation of why something isn't allowed rather than, I infer, a plain "no". It helps engender trust and security to be taken seriously and to be given a reason (appropriately simplified). If the mom stopped losing her temper whenever the kid questions her decisions, then maybe the "punishments" and name calling would tail off. And the kid might stop... rebelling, pushing? If she felt she had a better handle on the situation and was being listened to. Is there any way to suggest this approach, maybe via the OP's brother? If the dad implemented this parenting style, hopefully with visible results, would the mom be likely to adopt it too?

If the OP really feels that it's not a deliberate or desired situation, then both the mom and the daughter need a bit of help and support. Tipping off the social is unlikely to bring them closer together and re-establish a strong bond. I think it is telling that there are no concerns regarding the younger kids. Clearly she is willing and able to do *some* good parenting - she just needs to extend this to all her kids. Of course, I am willing to concede I might have the wrong end of the stick and she might be Cruella de Vil. But she might not be and it's hard to tell for sure through an anonymous internet forum.