Child Stealing and Lying

themapples

My brother has a 9 yr old child who lies and steals. If I was that kid though, I'd be doing the same. The child never leaves the house except for school and at school finds it difficult to make friend (she was a victim of bullying in the past). My sister-in-law gives excessive punishments to the smallest things. I was there the other day and the girl was excited about going to a party (very rare occasion) and told to put on a dress more fit for a five year old in the Victorian era (!). The girl says (politely) she'd prefer to wear her jeans, got asked once more to put the dress on and without any warning was told that she couldn't go to the party! This resulted in tears so she was sent ot stand in the corner for a good 20 mins.

I visit their house almost every night and there's always some argument between my sister-in-law and niece going on. She was calling the girl a "manipulative little cow" when I walked in the other day. When I asked what she'd done- taken a chocolate biscuit then lied about it. She's always putting the kid down, the poor thing has no confidence whatsoever and I don't know what to do about it.
They haven't got a lot of money, the kid gets no pocket money (I'm not allowed to give her any) and this is why I think she steals. Purely because there's no way she could get it otherwise (I'm talking getting caught stealing food from the tuck shop at school- which she also does at home). That's no justification, just my understanding.

Lying I think is a matter of getting out of these excessive punishments but I don't know whether I should say anything. My brother just goes along with whatever his wife says because if he doesn't she starts arguing with him and makes herself seem in the right in his eyes.

Should I say anything or mind my own business? Honestly folks, need help here plese.

balletshoes

My daughter is just turned 10, and doesn't get pocket money, so I don't really see this issue as any excuse for your niece stealing to be honest.

Clearly what you describe as her homelife is not helping her with her confidence, could you maybe, instead of visiting her home most days, have her round to yours for tea after school etc instead sometimes? Give her somewhere safe to be, even if its not every or even most days. She might be very grateful for it, be able to just be herself.

themapples

balletshoes wrote: »

My daughter is just turned 10, and doesn't get pocket money, so I don't really see this issue as any excuse for your niece stealing to be honest.

Clearly what you describe as her homelife is not helping her with her confidence, could you maybe, instead of visiting her home most days, have her round to yours for tea after school etc instead sometimes? Give her somewhere safe to be, even if its not every or even most days. She might be very grateful for it, be able to just be herself.

No, I know. It's just I can see how it would be a temptation.

It's a good idea but I've tried that tact- her mother says that she's too misbehaved no matter how much I insist. Think it's just her way of saying a point blank no.

asbokid

Child stealing? I thought this was a thread about something else. I'll fetch my coat.

meritaten

obviously its difficult to judge from your examples, but being told to stand in a corner (their version of the 'naughty step?) for twenty minutes IS excessive! She is nine, so nine minutes should suffice.
If she is stealing food, perhaps she is hungry? you dont say if the parents withold treats or send her to bed without food as a punishment?
If these examples are what the childs daily life is like then all I can say is -
poor thing - bullied both at school and at home?

What would I do? I would be having words with my brother and warning them that they are raising a child who will be hell bent on rebelling in a few years! I had overstrict parents and believe me I was a nightmare during my teens! I am still quite contrary now!

meritaten

themapples - do you mean you are not allowed to have your niece to your home or take her out?

McKneff

She is being mentally abused, If you dont think you can deal with it i would be tempted to ring social services and ask for some advice.
Or stick you nose in and ask someone at the school

themapples

meritaten wrote: »

obviously its difficult to judge from your examples, but being told to stand in a corner (their version of the 'naughty step?) for twenty minutes IS excessive! She is nine, so nine minutes should suffice.
If she is stealing food, perhaps she is hungry? you dont say if the parents withold treats or send her to bed without food as a punishment?
If these examples are what the childs daily life is like then all I can say is -
poor thing - bullied both at school and at home?

What would I do? I would be having words with my brother and warning them that they are raising a child who will be hell bent on rebelling in a few years! I had overstrict parents and believe me I was a nightmare during my teens! I am still quite contrary now!

The standing in the corner thing is a favourite, always for twenty mins or longer. That and being sent upstairs. My sister-in-law's mantra seems to be "children should neither be seen nor heard"!

I hadnt thought of the hunger thing, she gets regular meals but is a fussy eater. If she doesnt finish her dinner because she doesnt like it then she goes without (there used to be battles where she had to sit at the table until she finished but this went on for hours at a time and had to stop). You could be right about the hunger thing.

LOL- it's good warning!

themapples

meritaten wrote: »

themapples - do you mean you are not allowed to have your niece to your home or take her out?

Basically, yes. There's always some excuse given to me.

Ms_Chocaholic

Are there any other children in the household or is she an only child?

themapples

McKneff wrote: »

She is being mentally abused, If you dont think you can deal with it i would be tempted to ring social services and ask for some advice.
Or stick you nose in and ask someone at the school

I dont know what they would be able to advise without getting involved? If my brother found out he'd hit the roof too! I suppose I could ask someone at the school but I'd be scared it'd get back to them as me going behind their backs.