Teenage (unplanned) pregnancy

lauren_1

January20 wrote: »

I find this turn of phrase so offensive! This paragraph in your post shows that you haven't read all of the OP's posts properly! The families are friends! the Op and his wife have made clear to their dd that they will support her whatever she decides.

The OP is not "sticking his oar in"! He is a concerned father, trying to deal with something he wasn't expecting. Better he expresses his worries here than in person to his daughter!

Oh! and meeting the BF's parents behind the young couple's back is really not a good idea! How would that make them feel if they found out? That they are being discussed, judged and analised like a couple of kids?

I fail to see what good having a meeting with the bf's parents will bring.
if they are friends then they wont need a meeting of any kind as the topic is not theirs to discuss.

Odette

I just wanted to echo what some other posters have said. I think you seem to be dealing with this excellently, although it may not feel that way at the moment. Just continue to support your daughter and you wont go far wrong.

GL with whatever the future brings.

taxi36

To every-one who who has come to my defense+backed me up I just want to say a heartfelt thank you . It is so good to know that not every-one thinks I'm useless and dointthe wrong thing by my Daughter.

I cant make this clear enough so just incase there is still any doubt I AM IN NO WAY TRYING TO INTIMIDATE MY DAUGHTER INTO ANY DECISIONS. I HAVE TOLD HER THAT SHE NEEDS TO SIT WITH HER PARTNER AND DISCUSS THE OUTCOME THEY WANT FROM THIS MATTER - THEN , WHEN THE DECISION IS REACHED WE CAN SIT DOWN TOGETHER TO WORK OUT THE PRACTICALITIES.

I am human and so I consider myself "normal" with the feelings I am experiencing atm , does this mean I dont love and care for my daughter? Nothing could be further from the truth.

She is 17 and this decision will pave the rest of her life. She has to make the right decision for both her , her partner and most importantly her baby , the innocent party in all of this.

Loopy-girl - excuse me for saying this but you seem a little abrupt. You're comments are un-necessary . I deduct from you're own previous posts that you yourself have a young Daughter? please , do not "mock" my feelings for my situation until you experience something similar yourself.

Its always easy for people to offer advice on a matter when they are not walking that path themselves!

Again , to everyone who has read my posts and allowed me to say what I am thinking,put my feelings down in words whilst continuing to appear strong for my family , a massive , massive thank you.

Also , to the people who have sent me the pm's of teenage parent success tales , again , every-one is read and appreciated.

Plans_all_plans

I also think people are being harsh to you taxi! I totally understand where you're coming from and I would be feeling the same.

I fell pregnant at 20, my (now husband) was 22 and we were both at uni at the time. We had been together a little under 5 months. Now, even our parents had a meeting when they found out we were having a child, even though we were that age!! I think it was more to meet each other, discuss how they could help us out logistically once the baby arrived etc. Also, our families are religious and close knit and I think they felt like fish out of water, not having met at a wedding/other family events!!

I was pleased they met to be honest, as it was good to see we had the support and love of both sides. I don't think you'll be sticking your oar in if you meet in such a manner, I appreciated that they cared enough to bother with each other.

Best of luck with it all. I think that your daughter needs to know everything you've just said about how you intend to help her out and support her if she has the baby. "How on earth am I going to cope, particularly if I'm left to bring this baby up alone?" went through my mind the most when I 'considered my options', so anything you can say to help ease her wondering may be of use.

taxi36

lauren_1 wrote: »

I fail to see what good having a meeting with the bf's parents will bring.
if they are friends then they wont need a meeting of any kind as the topic is not theirs to discuss.

We are there as a united family unit to hear the decision reached by our Children!

When the decision is relayed to us we have lots to discuss.

taxi36

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

I also think people are being harsh to you taxi! I totally understand where you're coming from and I would be feeling the same.

I fell pregnant at 20, my (now husband) was 22 and we were both at uni at the time. We had been together a little under 5 months. Now, even our parents had a meeting when they found out we were having a child, even though we were that age!! I think it was more to meet each other, discuss how they could help us out logistically once the baby arrived etc. Also, our families are religious and close knit and I think they felt like fish out of water, not having met at a wedding/other family events!!

I was pleased they met to be honest, as it was good to see we had the support and love of both sides. I don't think you'll be sticking your oar in if you meet in such a manner, I appreciated that they cared enough to bother with each other.

Best of luck with it all. I think that your daughter needs to know everything you've just said about how you intend to help her out and support her if she has the baby. "How on earth am I going to cope, particularly if I'm left to bring this baby up alone?" went through my mind the most when I 'considered my options', so anything you can say to help ease her wondering may be of use.

Thanks plans-all-plans.

Getting together still seems like a good idea to me. Its what my Daughter wants. She wants to inform us of her decision whilst we are all together. If she decides that she wants a termination then we will have to discuss the details and arrangements for this as we would have to travel to england for the procedure .this in itself requires planning as there is a 2 day stay involved - apparently a tablet is given in the clinic on days 1 and 3 if the female is under 9 weeks , which our Daughter is.

ailuro2

Send her a text/email/phone her, do whatever you can to get in touch with her, apologise for seeming angry, tell her you were really shocked, and that you can imagine she was too.



the most important thing, imho, is to tell her you love her no matter what, and that you'll help her no matter what, that you'll always be there to help her, no matter what. Even though she knows all that already you need to remind her.

Not much else needs to be said tonight, let them calm down and give them a few days to come to a decision.

Plans_all_plans

Can I just urge caution in that your DD has been at her boyfriend's house and could be influenced by his parents/him rather than listening to her own heart. Try to make sure she is 100% certain in what she wants to do, having heard what support you will give her either way. My heart goes out to you.

vroombroom

just wanted to wish you and your daughter good luck OP, whatever she decides.

I found myself pregnant last year (due tomorrow) unexpectantly and I was more worried about telling my mum than my boyfriend and I'm 27!

There are a lot of groups that support young mums, I know my local community centre have one that meets a few times a week and the girls get out and about with their babies x

meritaten

I have read all this thread and am still disturbed by this 'getting together with the B/Fs parents' tonight. at least that is how I read it. To me, this is an amazingly short time to expect your daughter to discuss matters with her BF and come to a decision! I assume your daughter is only weeks pregnant rather than months? she has time to make up her mind - doesnt she?
You, however have gone from being angry, disappointed and upset in your first post - to changing your tune completely and are now contemplating childcare! you STILL have your daughters life mapped out for her!
I have been in your position - my teenage daughter got pregnant and NO WAY did I even contemplate having meetings with her BFs parents! My daughter made her own decision and we quietly supported her in this. unfortunately her relationship with the then BF ended when the baby was six months - but it all worked out in the end and she has the most wonderful husband, another child and even a very good relationship with her ex and HIS partner!
all without any interference from me and my OH! we trusted our daughter to know what was best for her and gave them time and space to work things out while letting her know we backed her 100%!