Teenage (unplanned) pregnancy

wilykit

So you and your wife had your daughter at 19 + 18, and you are treating her like this for getting pregnant at 17?!

If you and your wife managed to bring up a child so young what makes you think she can't?

Her life isn't 'over' and those 'high hopes' can still be there - my sister had my nephew when she was 17 and she has got a career and no dreams were lost.

Maybe you should look at the positive - you are going to have a grandchild.

taxi36

RAS wrote: »

OK

Beginning to get more of the context.

Not sure which side of the divide you are on, but recognise that neither accepts abortion. Sadly the underlying belief behind that mean that she is less likely to ave access to good family planning at that age.

This must however be a decision for your daughter and her BF and next time you speak to her you have to apologise for your initial reaction.

And as everyone says, you need to support the decision and if she decides to have the baby, you need to help her complete her qualifications. But you are not door mats who are going to pick up the pieces; if she has the child, bye bye nights out and partying for both of them.

If I am honest I do not want her to have a termination. It's the life of an innocent baby and I just couldnt live with myself if she had a termination because of some-thing I said or did.
If however she decides that she wants a termination then in that situation she will have my full support.
I just want her to do what is right for herself and the little one.
I want her to talk it through with her boyfriend until they get tired of talking and then I want them to talk some more. This is a life changing decision and I want them to arrive at the right one.

My thoughts and comments regarding terminations will NOT be voiced though as I do not want to influence the decision. I will though ensure that they are both fully aware that they have my support if they keep the child.

taxi36

pigpen wrote: »

Oh great.. so she'll think you are hypocrites too..

Your wife will have been 18 or thereabouts when she had your daughter.. so it is ok for you 2 but not for her? Did it end your life? Did the world stop turning? Now you know what your parents felt..

It is statistically proven children of young parents often go on to be young parents themselves..

You might have struggled when she was little so in a way you know a little of what she is going to experience.. prejudice from nosey strangers etc.. She needs a hug and probably another hug...

treat her how you wished people had treated you.

How many times were you as dad told to leave her mum? you think it is any different today?

Please dont have a go at me. If you read my posts you will see that I want to do all I can to help her through this. I dont want her to have a termination. I want her to keep the baby and I will look after it whilst she goes back to education and remains in her part time job.

Im not being a hypocrite at all. Im asking you lot to allow me to discuss the matter.

Yes we had our child at 18 years old + we had the support of our parents , just liek our Daughter will have ours, ONCE SHE ARRIVES AT HER DECISION

taxi36

wilykit wrote: »

So you and your wife had your daughter at 19 + 18, and you are treating her like this for getting pregnant at 17?!

If you and your wife managed to bring up a child so young what makes you think she can't?

Her life isn't 'over' and those 'high hopes' can still be there - my sister had my nephew when she was 17 and she has got a career and no dreams were lost.

Maybe you should look at the positive - you are going to have a grandchild.

Treating her like what exactly?
Planning to mind the little one whilst she returns to education?
Planning to mind the little one whilst she returns to her part time job?

You make me sound like an ogre

wilykit

Well the fact she has 'retreated' to her BFs suggests you haven't exactly been the most supportive.

fannyanna

I think some of the reactions to OP have been a bit harsh.

The impression I get is that the views being expressed to us on this forum are his thoughts and feelings which he needs to be able to share them. In posting on this forum he is able to share these without upsetting his family or influencing his daughter. Whilst of course I'm sure his daughter is going through emotional turmoil the OP and his wife will also be experiencing similar emotions and will need to share these.

I get the impression we're being used to vent so that the OP can control his own emotions and continue to be supportive to his daughter.

We all need a release.

Torry_Quine

You sound like a caring father to be who has had a huge shock but obviously wants to be there for your daughter.

nottslass_2

taxi36 wrote: »

She is 17 years old.
No-one but her will be arriving at the decision of what to do.
She already knows that .
This is why she has gone to her boyfriends house today to discuss things with him. We will then call over tonight (we are all actually friends so going to the house is not unusual for us) and find out together what they plan to do about the situation.
Her decision is all that matters though. i just want her to make the right one.
I have already posted that we will do all we can to support them,we will encourage her to remain in education and to return to her part time job. We will happily look after the baby whilst she does this.

You sound a wonderful Dad and have stated that you will support your DD whatever her decision,but for the moment the best way to support them is to back off for a few days and let your DD and boyfriend have time to decide what they want to do.



When they have decided,they will need all the support that you can give and that is the time that you should be discussing it with the other family and not before.

jpwhittle

pigpen wrote: »

Oh great.. so she'll think you are hypocrites too..

Your wife will have been 18 or thereabouts when she had your daughter.. so it is ok for you 2 but not for her? Did it end your life? Did the world stop turning? Now you know what your parents felt..

It is statistically proven children of young parents often go on to be young parents themselves..

You might have struggled when she was little so in a way you know a little of what she is going to experience.. prejudice from nosey strangers etc.. She needs a hug and probably another hug...

treat her how you wished people had treated you.

How many times were you as dad told to leave her mum? you think it is any different today?

to be honest i dont think pigpen was judging you just pointing out the same thing alot of people would have thought when they read this.
Your origanal post made out that you were quite disapointed with your daughter, you wanted her to have an abortion and she had gone to seek solice with her partner while you calmed down.
I have to ask did you give her a big hug last night and assure her that everything would be ok?
As the threads gone on, yes, you have said you will be thee to love and support her, but, did you really show her that when you got angry? She doesnt have long to make this dicision and what she needs now is for you to tell her how much youll love her no matter what, tell her how much you will support her and you love her and mostly give her a big hug for a long time. The dicion she makes today shouldnt be the wrong one because of anger (be that at her or the situation)
Im with pigpen here though it did come across that you had forgotten how old you were when you did this. She will be 18 when bubs comes along, Think of it this way, could be worse she could have been 12!!!! and she didnt need to tell you so you must be doing something right as abortions can be organised through schools these days, something i find very frightening.

taxi36

Kimberley82 wrote: »

first you need to give your daughter a huge hug and tell her you still love her and always will

I got pregnant at 15, that is what I really wanted my mum and dad to do.

Thanks Kimberley. Can I ask did you keep the baby? Sorry if this offends you + you dont have to answer if you would rahter not.