Teenage (unplanned) pregnancy

wannaberich81

Hi

i have one sister who fell pregnant very young, our mother tried to put pressure on her to abort, but she didnt. she is now a wonderful mum of 2, with the same dad, married and owning her home. so its not always bad...

one of my other sisters however got pregnant at 16, had an abortion and has suffered constantly with regret and guilt. so much so she has just had a baby at 19, again a wondeful mum.

at the end of all of your worry and anger, it is her decision and she will need your help and support no matter which direction she chooses.

i will you all good luck x

Kimberley82

first you need to give your daughter a huge hug and tell her you still love her and always will

I got pregnant at 15, that is what I really wanted my mum and dad to do.

Nimeth

I think it's understandable that you're angry, you probably expected that she knew better. If you can't lose the anger though, do not take it out on your daughter. Others have already offered some sound advice.

I would say that you should probably make sure that while she is aware that you will support her whatever decision she makes, you must also emphasise that she must be the one to take responsibility for the situation and that she is the one who has to deal with the consequences. I say this as a relative of someone who had two unplanned pregnancies and refuses to take responsibility for those children and her parents bail her out every time she bends over, financially and parenting-wise, if that makes sense.

Perhaps a visit to the family planning clinic is in order as they should be able to advise her of all her options and lend support for whatever decision she comes.

Loopy_Girl

bettyB wrote: »

Obviously you are angry and frustrated at the situation, but try to remember that either way this will not be the end of your daughter's life - she can still go to uni (if that was the plan), have a career, etc, whatever she likes, whether she keeps the baby or not.

Agree with this also (jeez, am on a roll here today!!) though I feel the OP and his wife may be quite old fashioned i.e 'getting the parents round for a chat' (bring your own shotgun for the wedding!) and also his views on high hopes....

Hopefully he will realise that times have moved on dramatically.

RAS

taxi36 wrote: »

She is our child and we will support and help her unconditionally.

She is not. By the sounds of things she is a young adult.

Loopy_Girl

How old is she exactly?

taxi36

RAS wrote: »

Well, right now you daughter does not know that; she has retreated to BFs, has she not?

And getting both families together is so Victorian.

I assume she is over 18? If so, ask her and BF to work out what they want to do and come to you and talk about it like adults.

She is hardly going to have told you this if she does not want to keep the baby, by the way.

She told us last night and has gone to her boyfriends house today to discuss things.We told her last night that before she makes up her mind what she wants she has to talk it through with the father and be sure that the decision she arrives at is the right one and not one that is made in haste.

And you're assumption that she is over 18 is incorrect.She is 17

She told us this REGARDLESS of her decision as we are in Northern Ireland + so she would need to travel to england for the termination.

Mum-2-Be

My sister fell pregnant at 15 and had the baby at 16, most wrote her off too.

She is now 29 and has had another beuatiful wee boy with the same partner. They have their own home and work hard as my sister is a qualified nursery nurse

Acting disappointed is not the way forward here, your daughter can still have everyhing in life she hoped for, only now she gets to share it all with a beautiful son or daughter

pigpen

taxi36 wrote: »

Thanks but that wont happen.The bond between ourselves and our Daughter is strong.She knows that at the end of the day what-ever she decides we will be right there beside her.She KNOWS that.

I am angry at the situation.

Don't count on it..

Having BTDT.. she will see 2 families ganging up on her to force her to do something which is to be quite frank none of your business.. That 'meeting' and what is discussed will stick with her forever so you say 'I think a termination is best'.. in 10 years time that is the granchild you wanted to kill.. believe me.. my son is 19 and I still hod that grudge and what makes it more galling is that the grandparents who wanted him dead are besotted with him and have been since day one.

You'd do better to forget a stupid meeting and say to her calmly in a non-conescending manner that you realise it is her decision whether she chooses to continue with the pregnancy or not and whatever she chooses she will have your full support.. then shut up and back off and let her make her own decisions. She isn't a 'girl' she is a young woman with thoughts and feelings of her own.. treat her like an adult and not like a naughty child.. Say it.. don't ASSUME she knows it.

She is an adult, she has an adult decision to make.. give her some credit and credit yourself with having brought up a sensible young woman who can think and make decisions for herself.

If she decides to keep it, the child will bring you as grandparents many years of joy..

This is not your decision to make and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it so sit back and let what happens happen.

Her life isn't over, it is just beginning and while a little person will bring challenges it doesn't mean she can't go to uni or start her own business or do anything else.. it is a baby not an amputation of all 4 limbs! Children bring motivation and a goal and a reason to work hard.

taxi36

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

Agree with this also (jeez, am on a roll here today!!) though I feel the OP and his wife may be quite old fashioned i.e 'getting the parents round for a chat' (bring your own shotgun for the wedding!) and also his views on high hopes....

Hopefully he will realise that times have moved on dramatically.

Hardly old fashioned! I am 36 years old + my wife is 35.

We do know what it is like to be very young parents as we had our Daughter when we were nothing more than teenagers ourselves.