Teenage (unplanned) pregnancy

meritaten

neneromanova wrote: »

Hey, I just meant if I was rambling. Jesus.

There's nothing else to really to say about this situation regarding the dipsh*t BF and his family is there? The girl has decided to keep the baby. So Now it's just about helping him/her with baby related stuff.

quite right - Taxis daughter is going to exist in a gold plated vacuum and BF will magically disappear. So will his parents. and all will be right in the world. Jesus.

??????????????? so this baby is going to come into the world with or without a father involved? obviously you think the father is going to disappear in a puff of smoke. the mother may have other ideas and funnily enough - so may the father!

Derivative

neneromanova wrote: »

Hey, I just meant if I was rambling. Jesus.

There's nothing else to really to say about this situation regarding the dipsh*t BF and his family is there? The girl has decided to keep the baby. So Now it's just about helping him/her with baby related stuff.

I'm sorry? Have I missed something in this thread where the guy has done anything out of order?

make_me_wise

neneromanova wrote: »

If your DD asks what should she do about her "BF", tell her to just leave him and plan to have the baby on her own. This is what I did. If he comes back then great, if not then oh well, his loss. I also don't know what NI rules are like regarding names on the birth certificate, but I'd think very hard about putting his name on there if they're not together. Over here you need to ask permission from him for pretty much everything. Schools, holidays etc. It's easier just not having his name there.

:eek:

I personally think this is a very bad idea. I have not been at all impressed so far with how the boyfriend has reacted to the news of becoming a father. Nor have I agreed with what his parents have said to the OPs daughter.

However lets not forget that this is a teenage lad who has just had a massive shock that his girlfriend is pregnant. He doesn't have the maturity and experience to have handled recieving this news as well as the girls parents have.

This does not mean that given a little time he may not still come good and decide he wants to be a full part of the girls pregnancy, be there for the birth and support both the girl and her baby in future.

At the moment its fair to think this is a longshot but you never know. Advising the OP to think about leaving the father of the baby off the birth certificate is very premature at this stage. That would possibly cut off all his parental rights.

I dont get the impression that the OP would want to do anything so rash as he seems a very balanced person whos' decisions are considered and well thought out.

Also writing that you are only half paying attention to this whilst watching some TV programme makes a mockery of discussing something so serious.

jellyhead

Even if he can't cope with the idea now things may get better as he matures. My friend had a baby at 17 and the father was just a scared kid, she didn't see him for dust. Around the age of 25 he started to change his mind. He'd got older, he had a girlfriend with whom he was starting to think about settling down, and he suddenly realised that fatherhood wasn't so terrible.

By the time the child reached her teens she was spending some weekends and holidays with her father and they get on great. I admire my friend for putting her own feelings about the father aside and allowing him to make amends for his failed relationship with his daughter.

vroombroom

yay for your daughter!:j

jellyhead

EdgEy wrote: »

I'm sorry? Have I missed something in this thread where the guy has done anything out of order?

No, he's done nothing wrong. He doesn't want the baby, but probably thousands of people make that decision every day and if they are female then that's their decision to make and they are not criticised for it. I said earlier that I feel a bit sorry for him.

However, I felt more sorry for her because it's she who would be coerced into a termination that she doesn't want, and that's just awful. My thought are coloured by the experience of the person I mentioned earlier on who felt forced into a teenage termination and regretted it every day since.

Jinx

I think this situation is one of the most emotive you can have; emotions run high, people think about themselves and what the neighbours will say as well as the parents to be and the baby involved. 9 months is a long time though and I'm sure lots of talking will occur over that time and things will become calmer and clearer.

Derivative

jellyhead wrote: »

No, he's done nothing wrong. He doesn't want the baby, but probably thousands of people make that decision every day and if they are female then that's their decision to make and they are not criticised for it. I said earlier that I feel a bit sorry for him.

Ah, I understand.

Fundamental problem with human relationships really, we find out about our partners too late. If only we could tick off a list during the courtship phase, "marriage" check, "kids" no thanks, "countryside or city house", and so on.

It's unfortunate that expressing intentions early on tends to scare people off, is viewed as "moving too quickly", or similar.

Decluttering

A big congratulations from me for your daughter and both you and your wife. I've not commented previously but have followed the story and I love how positively this story has turned out - the shock at first, your daughter's confusion and now picking out prams! Hopefully the worst of it is over now and you can enjoy the rest of the journey. You've done a good job Granddad!

Loopy_Girl

taxi36 wrote: »

I have just been reading back over this post which I made a few short days ago. Would you believe the difference a few days can make? I know I cant!

I can...which is why I said what I said when you first posted.

You seemed to take offence at me suggesting that some perspective was needed but yet the next day was stating that your daughter wouldn't be the first - or last - teenager to get pregnant....and that is exactly what I was angling at. Funny how that perspective kicked in and you went from being an angry and disappointed Dad to a proud as punch Grandad to be.;)

She announced she was pregnant - not that she was desperately ill and that was what I was trying to get across to you....if you took it another way then I'm afraid I can't change that.

You are right in stating that I haven't been in your situ (but there were/are lots of us passing comment who have not been) but I had been in the situ of being nervous of telling my Dad of an unplanned pregnancy albeit at an older age than your daughter.

Hopefully I will never be in the situation you have been but if I am then I would take everyone's comments graciously even if I didn't agree with them...especially if I asked a forum of millions of users who have all differing views and opinions.

I hope the pregnancy goes well for you all and your daughter certainly seems to be as high as a kite so she has clearly made the correct decision.:D

Hopefully you still have your high hopes for her...they maybe have just shifted course!

Good luck to you all (not sure if anyone has mentioned this but there are fabby pregnancy threads on here...maybe your daughter could have a read and join in and have a blether will all the other 'bumpy Mummies to be')