Teenage (unplanned) pregnancy

make_me_wise

taxi36 wrote: »

My Daughter agreed to this and so at this point in time that is where she is. She told me before she left the house that she said to bf on the phone this morning "Now, my mind is made up and so if you think that you are going to get me along with your family and railroad me into changing my mind and stressing me out then you need to know that that is just not going to happen".

He then apparently told her that he just wanted to chat to her one to one.

So , im sat here at home hoping that it is all going ok with her. Im hope he isnt upsetting her in any way.

Your daughter is wise beyond her years. From what you advise she said to the bf before agreeing to meet him, she is so strong and confident in her decision and not up for being messed about or swayed.

I cant figure out the bf to be honest. When you met as his parents house we only heard his parents speaking on his behalf. We have yet to really know what he is thinking. He may be telling her he doesn't want to know or be part of the babies life. That would be very hard to hear but it will mean your daughter isn't left in limbo and can cut ties. Or he may surprise everyone and say that he loves her and the baby and wants to be a good dad and partner.

Your daughter has done a massive amount of growing up over the last week and this is all part of it.

Whatever happens she knows she can come home to a loving, supportive family who are there for her no matter what. Am very pleased to hear the extended family are so thrilled at the news of the baby. Have a beer and chill out mate, I think it will do you good

Sally_A

I hope once away from his family b/f will be able to convey his true feelings, an emotional time for both.

It won't be an easy ride....when I was pregnant and was probably 29 at the time, I had a major hormonal crying/tantrum/hissy fit in the main shopping street in Bath, I just felt fat and frumpy with a limited wardrobe whilst all these clothes I wanted were laughing at me in shop windows, your daughter will probably go through this too when she sees her mates in skinny jeans, so these ups and downs are common.

9th December - flip, a Sagittarian, doubly flip if it's a girl - good luck!!

make_me_wise

Sally_A wrote: »

9th December - flip, a Sagittarian, doubly flip if it's a girl - good luck!!

:rotfl:If baby is late then even worse it could be a Capricorn :rotfl:

Im married to one and they are hard work!!!!!

Best Xmas present ever though hey grandad to be.

taxi36

My Wife has just text our Daughter to see what she would like for dinner and our Daughter has replied to tell us what she wants and has also chosen to give us an up-date on how the big chat is going (even though we didnt ask).

According to our Daughter , the bf now wants to be involved with the baby. He wants to go to hospital appointments , scans , BE AT THE BIRTH etc......but as yet he does not know if he wants to be in a relationship with our Daughter as he feels that she did not involve him enough in the decision as to whether or not they would keep the baby.He does not know if he can "forgive" her for "forcing" him to be a father at just 17 years old.

I suppose it is a start that at least he wants to be involved.

As ususal I will take a back seat and allow them to work it out as a couple and will only "step in" if it appears that my Daughter is being stressed out by the whole situation.

At the end of the day my concern is her and the child.

I am however glad that they seem to be moving in the right direction.

My Daughter is still in top form though and still says that even if the relationship ends she is happy to raise her baby with family support and the bf being their for it as a father.

Torry_Quine

taxi36 wrote: »

My Wife has just text our Daughter to see what she would like for dinner and our Daughter has replied to tell us what she wants and has also chosen to give us an up-date on how the big chat is going (even though we didnt ask).

According to our Daughter , the bf now wants to be involved with the baby. He wants to go to hospital appointments , scans , BE AT THE BIRTH etc......but as yet he does not know if he wants to be in a relationship with our Daughter as he feels that she did not involve him enough in the decision as to whether or not they would keep the baby.He does not know if he can "forgive" her for "forcing" him to be a father at just 17 years old.

I suppose it is a start that at least he wants to be involved.

As ususal I will take a back seat and allow them to work it out as a couple and will only "step in" if it appears that my Daughter is being stressed out by the whole situation.

At the end of the day my concern is her and the child.

I am however glad that they seem to be moving in the right direction.

My Daughter is still in top form though and still says that even if the relationship ends she is happy to raise her baby with family support and the bf being their for it as a father.

Your daughter is amazing and that is no doubt down to you and your wife. This is going to be one very fortuate baby with or without the father being involved.

make_me_wise

taxi36 wrote: »

According to our Daughter , the bf now wants to be involved with the baby. He wants to go to hospital appointments , scans , BE AT THE BIRTH etc......but as yet he does not know if he wants to be in a relationship with our Daughter as he feels that she did not involve him enough in the decision as to whether or not they would keep the baby.He does not know if he can "forgive" her for "forcing" him to be a father at just 17 years old.

I will be very honest taxi36 and say that I think this boyfriend is big trouble and a real mind-game player.

In one breath he is telling your daughter that he wants to be involved with the baby, go to the hospital appointments, scans and be at the birth.

Then he tells your daughter that he cant forgive her for forcing him to be a dad at 17. Thats like saying he cant forgive her for not having an abortion. In my opinion that doesn't bode well for the future. If he cant forgive her then what he is really saying is that he resents this.

These two statements contradict themselves. Either he wants to be a dad at 17 or he doesn't. If he doesn't then he should walk away and not come out with the emotional blackmail that he has.

I am amazed that your daughter is as okay with this as you advise us. If I were her I would be feeling that he wasn't at all sure about the baby and was quietly fuming with me.

Considering how he let his parents talk to her and has spoken to her today I think he is lucky that she isn't telling him where to go with his 'cant forgive you' phrase.

No offence meant here, just expressing my view.

jackieglasgow

But at the end of the day make me wise, he is just a seventeen year old boy. I met my husband when he was 17, and to be honest, his head would have been up his backside too if I had become pregnant Maybe he just needs some time. Taxi's daughter may have suspected she was preganant for a couple of weeks, whereas the boys has only had a few days to get used to the idea.

make_me_wise

jackieglasgow wrote: »

But at the end of the day make me wise, he is just a seventeen year old boy. I met my husband when he was 17, and to be honest, his head would have been up his backside too if I had become regnant

Very fair comment, he is just 17, I just dont see this going well. I hope for all their sakes it works out, that would be the best outcome. Reading between the lines of what he said though I just hear alot of resentment on his part.

jennyjelly

Don't forget the BF doesn't have hormones to make him want the baby immediately like a girl does (I remember that from the moment I knew I was pregnant I would have killed to protect my baby).

It's been a huge shock to him, everything he expected from his life has changed in an instant and he is no longer a child. Also having his parents take the line they have taken can't have helped, poor lad probably feels torn in two. Give it a couple of weeks and he'll probably start feeling good about it. My 18 year old did - though he was completely wretched about the whole situation when he found out, now he's a different person and can't wait to be a dad.

taxi36

Well,my Daughter is home.

She says that her and Bf have spent the entire day talking this through.

Some-one in a previous post mentioned that the Bf may well still be coming to terms with the situation given that he only found out on Sun/Mon and yet my Daughter has had strong suspicions for a week or two.

I have to agree that I think this may be the case. After all , even myself and her Mum found it hard to cope with in the beginning and we are only the Grandparents! (I dont mean "only" Grandparents , what I mean is that we are not having or lives turned upside down and becoming a PARENT at 17 (again lol)

So , anyway , she is home now and tells me that they have decided that they both want what is best for their baby and they both agree that they love each other more now than they did before the pregnancy news (trust me , these 2 were SOOOOOOO in love , they were inseperable )

The bf has decided that he cannot walk away from his baby or from my Daughter and has told her that he is afraid I wont hold this against him as I WAS that scared teenager before remember!) and he is terrified of "doing something wrong" were the baby is concerned and again , I remember this feeling well.

Tbh I cannot fault how he feels and at this point in time they are making plans for the furture of raising the baby together (although she will live at home with us) . Isnt this the best outcome ? I hope so !

So , thats how things stand atm. Hoepefully in time and with our help they will learn to be good parents and raise a child to the best of their ability.