Teenage (unplanned) pregnancy

Heamol

WOW- I've been away for a couple of days and just logged on to read this thread- what wonderful, happy news- it has made my Easter!!
My Mum and I were both reading through the posts and when we read that your daughter was going to be a Mum and you and your wife were going to be grandparents we both cheered and filled up straight away!!

Congratulations to you all!!! Deo Gratias!!!

seven-day-weekend

Some of these replies are unbelievable.

The OP loves his daughter and will do all he can to support her in whatever decision she makes.

However, he is disappointed with the situation as it means that, for a while at least, her life will have to go onto Plan B. What do you expect his reaction to be? 'Oh great, an unplanned pregnancy just as she was about to go to college/get a job/ go abroad, how wonderful, let's all rejoice'?

Be realistic. he wants the BEST for his daughter, any caring parent would.

I agree it doesn't have to be the end of the world, but I can certainly understand the OP's mixed emotions.

The main thing is that he and his wife support her in whatever she decides, with their advice if necessary and requested. They have already said they will be there for her every step of the way, whatever the decision. What else are they supposed to do?

Those who think it is no big deal need to be realistic.

ETA: Just read that she is going to keep the baby and the extended family are supportive. Great News!

taxi36

Errata wrote: »

The claim for housing benefit and rate relief would be for the family -mum, dad, baby - not just for your daughter.

But you see that's the thing. There wouldnt be an entitlement to any housing benefit as my Daughter works and the family would be in receipt of full wtc and ctc.

Maybe it is different for the rest of the Uk but here In N.I there are MANY MANY families who are on very low wages but because they receive full tax credits they have no entitlement to housing benefit.

There is a lady who works on the switch board in our depot who works I think it is 25 hours per week at £6 per hour so approx £150 per week and she has a wee one bed flat for which she pays £60 per week rent to the housing executive! No entitlment to help with her rent at all. This is not an isolated situation , it is just how it is.

When myself and my Wife first had our Daughter 17 tears ago , we lived in a one bed flat and in those days we had nothing! I had no job , my Wife was on maternity leave from her job which incidently paid her £60 per week (:eek:) and dwe had to pay (if I remember correctly) £25 per week rent !

It just isnt practical atm for my Daughter to try to furnish a flat and prepare for the baby without a wage being brought into the home by the father (who IS job searching for a part time job to fit around his studies)

make_me_wise

They will get there in time OP. Your daughter has a good head on her shoulders. She has a loving, supportive family network around her. Who knows maybe in time the bf family will come round to the news too and be willing to help out.

I remember leaving home myself many moons ago and that was daunting and stressful at first. Standing on your own two feet and suddenly being responsible for everything; shopping, cooking, washing, ironing etc and all the financial stuff too.

I didn't have the added element of being pregnant. In time your daughter, her bf and their child may decide to find a place of their own. There is no need to rush into anything though. Why struggle and put themselves under more strain than is necessary.

Lirin

Taxi, I'll definitely be thinking of your daughter- shes due a week after me.

Regardless of where the relationship goes with BF, he may prove in the future to be very hands-on- I do feel for him a little, as the attitudes between yourselves and his parents have been totally different. Where you've been supportive with your daughter, I suspect he's felt isolated by his family- That would make it much harder for him to come to terms with the pregnancy. Obviously Taxi, you know him better, and can see whether or not he will be attentive.

LadyGooGoo_2

I know women who had babies at a young age who have gone on to lead very happy successful lives, whatever method you use to measure happiness and success.

One of the ladies I work with is 40 and her children are all grown up. (The youngest is 16. the oldest 22.) She got her degree, she's head of department, she has such freedom now compared to one such as me who is only about a decade younger and hasn't had any babies yet.

ILoveEoin

Well Congurts Granddad:) very happy 2 hear the news! ps one hint hide ur credit card r wife and daughter will go a bit mad:) enjoy every sec and lookin 4ward 2 hear on the update esp the scans:) all the best taxis family:)

jackyann

Late to this discussion, wanted to congratulate the families. You'll be getting loads of advice, take notice of what seems sensible, don't worry about the rest. In that spirit, I offer advice for you to take or leave:
1. Freecycle is great for kids' stuff
2. Why will your daughter need to buy powdered milk? Apart from love, breast milk is the best thing you can ever give a baby - health benefits that last a lifetime, for free!
3. In your desire to help, do give space for the parents (or even just mum) & baby to make their own relationship. I have known so many helpful grandparents who take over, shunt mum back to education or training, thinking it the best thing; actually helping the new little family find their own way is the best.
I'm done - good luck!

meritaten

my youngest son, his partner and his newly born twins lived with me and OH for six months before they were given a council house. It was hard, as my house although it has three bedrooms, two of them are singles! where there is a will there is a way.
I applaud this lad for being willing to support your daughter. All credit to him. He is young and as time goes on and the pregnancy progresses he may feel more involved.

taxi36

jackyann wrote: »

1. Freecycle is great for kids' stuff
!

My Sister , who has a 3 year old son has tonight kindly offered my Daughter all of her baby stuff , pram , moses basket , monitors , sterilisers , changing bag , changing box and much much more.

I already told my Daughter that anything she would rather have from new we would help her get but she says that she is more than happy to have her Aunts things. My Sister waited a very long time for her son (10 years of unexplained infertility) and so we are confident that all of the bits and pieces she will give to us will be in excellent condition.

We were very grateful to her for her offer of help.