Teenage (unplanned) pregnancy

taxi36

pigpen wrote: »

Have you checked with the college they will allow her to go back?

They like to claim they are not covered insurance wise for pregnant students.

My dil had to wait until she could claim the income support before she could claim the grant.. despite the fact her mother claimed tax credits.. doubt it has changed much in 2 years.. it comes through in a week or 2 anyway.

It isn't just stuff for the baby though, your daughter will need maternity clothes and underwear.. or at least bigger sized stuff how is she to manage that with only a tiny income from her job?

I don't need a link, I've lived it myself and sorted it for my son and gf.

By September she might just not want to go back to school.. it is hard enough getting out of bed the first 3 months without having to do it with a later pregnancy...

Pigpen , was you're DIL still in eduation when her baby was born? You say that her Mum was claiming tax credits but was that for her or other kids?

We went to see CAB the other day and it was they who told us that we would have to claim the grant?

Regardless though of who has to claim it , it's good to hear that it only takes 2 weeks to come through.

pigpen

Yes she was in FT ed., and still is but lives independantly now with her son. Her mum got tax credits, child benefit for her and the younger children.

Also, if she get IS earlier she will get the healthy start vouchers. It is worth looking at how much you get for her and how much she will get if she claimed for herself..

As for the bf.. he will have all his mates telling him to leave her, and possibly his family and be being told all sorts of horrors. He won't be having it easy either.

Why would DD want him at the antenatals? They are nothing to do with him, they are to check your daughter is ok.. I can never understand why people think they should not go to antenatals alone.. you wouldn't take someone else with you to the dentist or the doctor.. it is no different. I took my nanna once.. she had never heard a baby's heart on a doppler so I invited her to come listen and OH had to come to have his bloods taken when we had the baby last year to check for antibodies/antigens so determine risk to the baby. So if she doesn't want him there.. he has no right to be there so she can say no.

If her sickness is very bad so she cannot eat get her to the doc they can give tablets to stop it being so bad. travel sickness bands help some women and also ginger biscuits/ginger tea. She needs to eat more regularly too.. lots of nibbly bits rather than set big meals it does stop her feeling so rough. If you feel less sick it is easier to eat.. I found eating ever 2-3 hours just toast or a sandwich or fruit in between proper meals helped.

delain

Take the advice Pigpen has given you on the morning sickness, I always found that eating little and often helped. With my youngest I spent 8 months eating either weetabix or fruit. It was all I wanted apart from hugely strong sudden cravings for fish and chips, the thought or smell of any other cooked food just made me cringe

You might want to ask your daughter if there are any smells or things that are triggering it, so you can remove them. For instance in pregnancy any sort of lavender smell made me want to throw up, and with DD1 just the thought of a pot noodle set me off, and with my twins it was anything 'chicken & mushroom' like pies or whatever, it was the smell.

She may have noticed some and not mentioned it to you out of politeness!

KiKi

taxi36 wrote: »

I am livid at the sitaution!

I can honestly say that I hate how this toe-rag is treating my Daughter and it breaks my heart to see her suffer:(.

Hi OP

Whilst I totally understand your anger, please remember that he is also only 17, and without the emotional / hormonal attachment your daughter has to her baby at this stage.

He's probably getting it in the neck from his parents; given what they said to your daughter, I DREAD to think what they're saying to him. They may be emotionally blackmailing him, putting pressure on him, telling him how much better off he is without her. They may be trying to make him do the 'legally' right stuff, like keep contact, but to not see your daughter outside of that.

They may be absolutely furious at him wanting a to rekindle his relationship with your daughter (goodness knows why) and now making life very, very difficult for him indeed.

Whilst he of course has responsibilities to your DD and his child, at 17 (and in the way you describe his parents) he probably feels a very strong pull to do the right thing by his parents - just as your daughter did in the way they spoke to her.

I completely understand that this is so upsetting for your DD, and not what she needs at all - and you want to protect her from that. I'm just saying that the boyfriend is in the middle wanting to do the right thing, with his parents probably (and very likely) telling him at every stage to do something different. He's probably a complete mess, more than you or anyone else realises.

Your DD went from distraught about the idea of terminating the pregnancy to delight at the decision to keep the baby.

This poor lad seems to be doing the opposite - gone from the delight of the idea of sharing his life with your DD, to having to cut himself off, probably due to parental and peer pressure. It doesn't make his actions right - but he's only 17, and when your parents are that outspoken and that strong, it's a terrible place to be.

I think it's likely to be some months before he really knows what he wants, and before he's really able to do something about it. As I said before, it may be that until the scan it's still very unreal for him. Your DD has you and a loving family. The BF has no-one but vicious parents telling him to get rid. He's probably feeling very alone right now.


KiKi

make_me_wise

Really sorry to hear how things are going for your daughter. All this additional stress and upset are the last thing she needs no doubt.

When you all first met at the bf house to discuss the situation, I feel it was very clear where his parents stood about this whole situation. They treated and spoke to your daughter in a dispicable manner. It seems that their son is following suit.

All you can do taxi is be there for your daughter, listen to her and advise her. In a way its better that she see the bf for what he is now, than months or years down the line.

Lirin

Taxi, what clothes size is your daughter? I bought stuff from Ebay, and had bits given to me- some of it's too small - all 10-12. She's welcome to browse through and nab bits if she likes- I have trousers and jeans which look lovely but would be small on me, as I've a bump already.

In regards to her BF- I'd love it if they had a quick resolution, but being honest, it'll likely drag on, sometimes going good, othertimes bad. The one thing that stands out is your daughter seems to have a lot more maturity than he does. BUT- it's a situation he can walk away from, whatever decision she made would always have had more impact on her.
At least, she has you and all the support from family. I doubt he has the same? I'm trying to word carefully, I don't want to come across wrong in any way. I think it is likely BF will yo-yo quite a few times before baby arrives, and your daughters emotions are already everywhere with baby without this as added stress....

Morning sickness- I don't have breakfast or lunch at the minute. Even the thought of making lunch in the morning makes me feel sick. I have a bag full of stuff- water, flavoured water, grapes, ginger nut biscuits, crisps- anything I can snack on really. I know MS is different for everyone- I have trouble eating full meals, as they taste delicious for a few bites, then start tasting rancid, off, horrible.... Doctors surgery gave me Maalox, which helps, and Gaviscon. Even just water, if she makes sure she drinks enough. Icepops seem to help best for some reason, and light exercise- a walk or such. Sorry if I sound like I'm preaching- I've only the same knowledge as your daughter I think as we're the same times along.

Your daughter already knows she can lean on you if she needs to- that's priceless. There are too many who don't have the support and love you're giving to your daughter. It must be so frustrating dealing with BF and family, as there's not much you can do to control it.

lizzie9876543

Hi there, I have just sat here and read this entire thread and I have cried most of the way through, yourself and MrsTaxi sound like amazing parents! and your Daughter is ever so brave, I am pleased for you all and I wish your daughter the best of luck with the birth and from what I have read it sounds like she will be an amazing Mummy!

I had my first baby at 17 and it was the best thing I ever done.

xxx:)

taxi36

[QUOTE=pigpen;43233682.

Also, if she get IS earlier she will get the healthy start vouchers. It is worth looking at how much you get for her and how much she will get if she claimed for herself..

Hiya Pigpen. My Daughter is automatically entitled to the vouchers because she is under 18 and we , her Parents are in receipt of ctc and wtc. Could it be different here in N.I or is this the "rule" for the whole of the UK? For anyone else reading , this is the link to the website where you can do the "do I qualify" test to see if you are entitled to the vouchers. http:// http:// www.healthystart.nhs.uk

As for the bf.. he will have all his mates telling him to leave her, and possibly his family and be being told all sorts of horrors. He won't be having it easy either.

I get the feeling that it is his parents who are going on and on about how it isnt the right time for him to be a Father. I am assuming this from the reaction of his Mother when we last spoke.

Why would DD want him at the antenatals?

I think she just wants him to be at the scans . I dont think she wants any-one to ever be ableto say she tried to keep him away from the child. I never missed an antenatal appointment when my Wife was having our 3 , most men I know wouldnt miss it for the world. Depends on the man I guess.

.

So if she doesn't want him there.. he has no right to be there so she can say no.

I have spent ages explaining this to my Daughter as I agree with you 100%. The Father has no automatic rights to the child at any point until my Daughter decides that she wants him involved. My Daughter however holds the opinion that every child needs its father in its life.

If her sickness is very bad so she cannot eat get her to the doc they can give tablets to stop it being so bad.

Ahhhh , I didnt know this. My Wife was very very sick when she carried 2 of our Kids and although she was hospitalised for dehydration she was never offered medication to control it so THANK YOU for this info. I will pass it straight to my Daughter.

travel sickness bands help some women and also ginger biscuits/ginger tea

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We have already bought the bands . My Wife used this when she was sick. We have also bought ginger capsules from Holland and Barrett and are trying to encourage Daughter to eat ginger biscuits even though she has always detested them lol

She needs to eat more regularly too.. lots of nibbly bits rather than set big meals it does stop her feeling so rough. If you feel less sick it is easier to eat.. I found eating ever 2-3 hours just toast or a sandwich or fruit in between proper meals helped.

This is great advice. Thank you. This is exactly what we are trying to do .It is proving hard though . Our Daughter is only 7 and a half stone as it is. Very lean and so she cannot afford to lose any weight. I think it is because she is "moping" that she doe not want to eat. We are of course keeping ontop of this and giving her lots of little snacks which we sit with her to ensure that she eats.

Great advice. Thanks Pigpen.

taxi36

I left this part out Pigpen

Also, if she get IS earlier she will get the healthy start vouchers. It is worth looking at how much you get for her and how much she will get if she claimed for herself..

My Daughter wouldnt be entitled to IS any earlier as she works.

The rate of IS for an under 18 year old is roughly £53 per week. This means that she wouldnt be entitled to IS as she earns more than this per week. She also receiving a training allowance from her full time education. This is the reason we feel she is better remaining in education and working part time for as long as she can.

totmalysh

Hi Taxi.

I just wanted to say that you are the most wonderful parents, I am hoping that my husband and I will be able to offer support to our forthcoming baby (October 14th), should s/he get in a similar situation.

Please let your daughter know that she is not alone in having 'in-laws' or partner who want to have nothing to do with the baby.
I was raised without a father, but I had my mum and grandparents, my mum is now happily married to a man who I call a father as he was there since I was 7. I never suffered and was one of the best students at school and uni, with my parents' support I got my first degree, moved to London from a post-USSR country and gained another 2 degrees here.

I got married considerably young at 22, and the first question my fianc! got from his parents was whether I was pregnant. 8 years together and 7 years married I have no contact with my in-laws for 4-5 years. They have not offered congratulations (not speaking of support) on having a baby, but I have most supportive parents and grandparents in the world, who cried of joy upon finding out that I was pregnant and chipped in getting me baby clothes (both new and my old ones), my mum has knitted beautiful socks and sweaters already. Both my mum and my stepdad are thrilled at the thought, and only wish they were closer to us, as they live nearly 2,000 km away.

While another set of grandparents seems non-existent, I am lucky to have a husband who dotes on me and our baby. Your daughter has your support and her grandparents', if it does not work out with her bf, she can still find The GUY. My mum was a single mother and she has now lived with my stepfather for 22 years.

I wish her and her baby well, it may well be that she will be a better prepared mother at 17-18, somebody who has planned the pregnancy all along, like myself (though I must admit, this IS never expected.

Good luck to you all.

P.S. I never had the morning sickness, mine was in the afternoon, from experience I found that drinking a lot of water helped when I was sick, as it was easier/less painful to get the food out. And having small portions does help, though I was starving all the time and not craving anything in particular.