Teenage (unplanned) pregnancy

Plans_all_plans

I understand your position, but still disagree with you, so this'll be my last post on this issue! We are also going wildly off topic (sorry taxi!) I can see that if someone had just graduated and was in their first year as a junior doctor, then having a child would be much more difficult (and potentially damaging to a career) at that point. However, my viewpoint is that a child often brings new perspective and certain things become less important once the baby has arrived. Some individuals wouldn't feel able to put all they'd worked hard for on the backburner, but I feel sad for those for whom that is the case.

In terms of education/ignorance, I agree with you in part. But my point is that there are whole swathes of society that are ignorant and poorly educated, this has always been the case. Apart from a (terribly immoral, arbitrary and 'harking back to the days of eugenics') parenting test and forced sterilisation of those who fail it, I cannot see how this could be addressed. Money cannot help the ignorant.

meritaten

hey Taxi - Congratulations!
I am so pleased your daughter finally had the confidence to make her decision based on what SHE wanted to do! If you hadnt been such loving parents I think she may have gone ahead with the termination and lived to regret it!
Now, may I please say something about the young father without getting jumped on? This lad is obviously heavily influenced by his parents (you know, the ones who were doing a number on your daughter?). Please cut him some slack and give HIM a bit of space and time to come around. The lad has no say in whats going to happen and is probably feeling a million different things (scared, regretful, perhaps secretly proud that he can reproduce?, also he must be wondering if he is mature enough, be worried that financially he wont cope (especially with the input from his parents). he now knows he is going to have a son or daughter..........thats scary! He is probably worried how his parents will react.
Being the nice person that you are - I am sure that you will tell him that he will be welcome to have as much or as little contact with the baby as he can handle..........?
Please keep us posted on this - I have an emotional investment in this baby too now - considering how many tears I have shed reading your posts!

Errata

Meritatien - I'm sure your heart's in the right place, but it's not in the grandfather's gift to decide when the father of the child can see it. That's a decision to be made by the child's parents.

shy-but-need-help

I'm so very pleased to hear you've been able to support your daughter all the way to making a decision she wanted, having the support of your family really does make the world of difference as a teenage parent- knowing you have someone to ask questions to, back you up when you are self-doubting really does mean alot.

I'm extremely close to my parents as a result of the support they gave us when pregnant with our oldest child, as is my husband- his family preferred to stay in the background and as a result he's grown very close to my parents. They are absolutely adored grandparents (our oldest son is especially impressed with the fact his Grandad can climb trees, build dens and that Granny could go on all the rollercoasters at Disney)

I wish your whole family many years of happiness with the new baby!

meritaten

Errata wrote: »

Meritatien - I'm sure your heart's in the right place, but it's not in the grandfather's gift to decide when the father of the child can see it. That's a decision to be made by the child's parents.

Thank you Errata you are right as usual- I think I put what I meant rather badly! Of course its up to Taxis daughter the input the lad has with the baby. I think I meant that the lad needed to be reassured that Taxi wouldnt be waiting by the door with a shotgun, or barring him from the premises! but I was so undone by the post about the meeting with the counsellor I was typing with tears in my eyes! and thinking - both my sons are dads and unmarried - how did my sons feel on hearing the news from their GFs? I know youngest sons feelings as he confided in me - he was dead scared her dad was going to beat the carp out of him - they had only known each other a matter of weeks! he was not sure he was old enough to be a dad or good enough. he didnt want her to abort yet he didnt see how they would cope....... and today his babies (yes, twins) are seven years old, have a three year old sister and they are still together. my other son has a three year old son and he and his partner are still together. but......they did plan to get pregnant so situation different (yet i felt that his GF wasnt entirely happy about it).

just wanted to add - I deliberately DIDNT bring in my experiences as mother of a SON in this situation! It wouldnt have been helpful to Taxi in my opinion!

Padstow

EdgEy wrote: »

Please don't see my post as a tirade against low income parents, those on benefits, etcetera. That is not my issue. What saddens me is seeing children with a deprived upbringing due to lack of money, bad environment, etcetera. I live in an area plagued by this and have seen many people grow into young adults with hardly any education and no sense of direction in life.

I am from a single parent family and I am well aware of what can occur. That is sidestepping the point that an adult makes an informed decision on whether or not to give birth to a child.

It is a gamble to assume that your partner will always be there, and one that is not always fair on children.

Here is an example of why I wish the father was given more of a say in his unborn child's fate. I can understand this man's sentiment - he has had his choice in becoming a father taken away from him.

Hopefully he will come round, and your family seem very supportive. Best of luck.

You know the saying, when you're in a hole stop digging? best to heed it right now.
Also why are you trying to force a debate on father's rights? This is not a debate forum and if you persist, the board guides may close the thread.

beard0609

Im more of a reader rather than a poster but just wanted to say am glad your daughter has made HER mind up and she is so lucky to have the supoort of Mum & Dad .. I have teenage daughters and the amount of times I have sat at my dining table with their friends and the words "I cant talk to my mum & dad..." have been said

neneromanova

As this is moneysaving forum I'll do a bit of money saving for you

I found my Graco Quattro with car seat and car clippy in thingy on ebay and won it for £108.
I bought a CotBed (from amazon and don't forget your cashback) so it lasted til DD is 5 (Although DD2 is currently in this and DD has a new "Big Girl" Single bed. But DD2 will now use it til she's 5)

I would say the ONLY new things you need will be a car seat (as if the car seat has been in an accident it needs to be replaced) and a mattress.

I personally took these with DD2 but just the prenatal ones with DD1. I would say these are BRILLIANT. And they're on offer 3for2.

If your DD asks what should she do about her "BF", tell her to just leave him and plan to have the baby on her own. This is what I did. If he comes back then great, if not then oh well, his loss. I also don't know what NI rules are like regarding names on the birth certificate, but I'd think very hard about putting his name on there if they're not together. Over here you need to ask permission from him for pretty much everything. Schools, holidays etc. It's easier just not having his name there.

Sorry if this post sounds bossy by the way. I'm half paying attention to writing this and also watching Team America

meritaten

neneromanova wrote: »

As this is moneysaving forum I'll do a bit of money saving for you

I found my Graco Quattro with car seat and car clippy in thingy on ebay and won it for £108.
I bought a CotBed (from amazon and don't forget your cashback) so it lasted til DD is 5 (Although DD2 is currently in this and DD has a new "Big Girl" Single bed. But DD2 will now use it til she's 5)

I would say the ONLY new things you need will be a car seat (as if the car seat has been in an accident it needs to be replaced) and a mattress.

I personally took these with DD2 but just the prenatal ones with DD1. I would say these are BRILLIANT. And they're on offer 3for2.

If your DD asks what should she do about her "BF", tell her to just leave him and plan to have the baby on her own. This is what I did. If he comes back then great, if not then oh well, his loss. I also don't know what NI rules are like regarding names on the birth certificate, but I'd think very hard about putting his name on there if they're not together. Over here you need to ask permission from him for pretty much everything. Schools, holidays etc. It's easier just not having his name there.

Sorry if this post sounds bossy by the way. I'm half paying attention to writing this and also watching Team America

That sounds SO disrespectful
I am tempted to tell you to give your full attention to Team America. Whatever that is.......is it a sport? and someones future is being discussed here? I may annoy people with my views - but I DO give my full attention and my views are honestly put!

neneromanova

Hey, I just meant if I was rambling. Jesus.

There's nothing else to really to say about this situation regarding the dipsh*t BF and his family is there? The girl has decided to keep the baby. So Now it's just about helping him/her with baby related stuff.