Teenage (unplanned) pregnancy

ILoveEoin

Hi:) i dont have any advice but i just want 2 tell u that ur doin a great job and ur daughter very lucky 2 have a wonderful father:) after readin this i just want hug u all (apart from bf and his family)! i wish u all well, and let us no wat is decided! x

Plans_all_plans

EdgEy wrote: »

I also find this one strange.

Posted the same in another thread - if you get pregnant and you weren't planning to have children, why keep the child?

My greatest hate is people introducing children to the world with inadequate resources. And no, that doesn't just mean shelter and food. Kids need a loving environment, access to learning, and most of all hefty amounts of money, to give them a good start in life.

There is nothing wrong and indeed a lot to be said of waiting until the right time.=

Some of us have moral objections to abortion, that's why. Even if someone pro-choice fell pregnant unexpectedly, it doesn't necessarily mean that they're going to be straight down the clinic either.

I agree with you that kids need a loving environment and access to learning, but just because someone falls pregnant unexpectedly, it doesn't mean that they'll be unwilling or unable to provide these for their child!

I disagree that hefty amounts of money are needed though, but I'm not naive enough to think it doesn't help! I would credit finding out I was pregnant young and unexpectedly as the single best thing that's ever happened to me with hindsight. Neither of us had a job at the time - I was in the middle of my finals at uni and husband was still a student.

It gave us a drive to save for a house deposit at 20 years old and between us my husband and I saved up 40k in 3.5 years (at a time when neither of us earning more than 20k a year)

None of my friends own a house yet and all they seem to do is spend money like water, so when they want to settle down I'll be first to hear them moaning that they've got no money to do so!

We also have the same plans for our DD's education as we would've done had we been 35 when she was conceived. Granted, the private school education I'd have liked to have given her will be harder to attain now, but nothing's impossible.

Taxi, I hope everything went ok last night. Best of luck.

Lirin

Taxi, I'll also echo that, I hope last night went well.

Pollycat

jaibaby wrote: »

I fell pregnant at 16, found out 6 months gone whilst I was doing my GCSEs.

I am now 27, have three children, the same partner (ok, fiance, we have been engaged for a good 10 years).

I don't see why you are worried. Is she incapable of bringing up a child?

My sister is 17 next month, she is in labour as we speak now. She is going to have a HUGE wakeup call when my niece is born. She thinks it's going to be all giggles etc. She thinks that because my three were brilliant babies, and slept all night, hers will be too. She will soon realise how hard it is to bring a child up in this world.


I apologise if this has already been said, but I only read the first few posts.

I am against abortion, unless in extreme cases. If you're old enough to open your legs and not be careful, then you're old enough to look after a child. (My opinion!!)

Here's a suggestion, jaibaby - read the whole thread before asking questions.

If you'd read the previous 11 pages, you might have found out why the OP is/was worried and whether he feels his daughter is capable of bringing up a child.

If you can't be arsed to read the whole thread, I'm not sure your opinion, which you admit is based on a 'few posts', is relevant at all.

Your final sentence is beyond belief, what a nasty person you sound.

You come across as positively smug about the potential problems your sister and her new baby may face.
I hope she's not looking to YOU for support.

OP, your poor daughter must feel torn in 2.
she seems to make a decision then the boyfriend's parents come along and mess with her head again.

I hope the counselling session went well and things are a little clearer for your daughter.

Derivative

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

Some of us have moral objections to abortion, that's why.

Fair enough. I would consider myself fairly extremist in my views - I believe the father should have more support under abortion law - as it stands the woman holds all the cards. (Note that I don't support forced abortions, merely withdrawal of financial support, for example)

I disagree that hefty amounts of money are needed though, but I'm not naive enough to think it doesn't help!

That depends on what you think is "hefty". A child from 0-18 is going to cost about as much as the average house. And that's not counting "optional" stuff that is going to give your child the edge in having a successful life - private education, house deposit, money to go for internships, trips out, books, etcetera. You don't "need" money to have a child, but personally I'd hate to know I'd stacked the deck against my children by simply not preparing well enough.

We also have the same plans for our DD's education as we would've done had we been 35 when she was conceived. Granted, the private school education I'd have liked to have given her will be harder to attain now, but nothing's impossible.

You are in the fortunate situation of sticking together, and I wish you the best of luck, sounds like you are doing well. There are many others stuck on their own, relying on state benefits or in low paid jobs. Worry not for them, they chose the situation - it's the children I feel sorry for.

To the earlier poster that stated "you shouldn't open your legs" as some sort of argument against abortion. Don't be ridiculous. People have sex and contraception can fail. The pill has around a 1% chance of failure per year. People should not feel forced into living out their lives any other way than how they choose.

Padstow

DON79 wrote: »

I think you should also tell her that you would love the baby and welcome him/her with open arms if she decides to keep the baby. best wishes for your daughter and baby and thinking of your whole family.

Totally agree , true feelings need to be expressed now.
If they are not, Taxi runs the risk of daughter saying at some stage. "You should have told me before I did it. I thought you didn't mind either way."

If it were not for the other family, daughter could decide for herself in peace. That's not happening, so needs a gentle counterbalance from her parents.

Have you talked in practical terms if she has the baby ?
What arrangements to care for child whilst daughter goes to work etc?
Or maybe you are more of a laid back family who will cope with whatever when the time comes.

ETA. I don't think this is the thread for whether abortion is right, wrong or whatever else. Save it for the discussion time forum.
This is an individual poster who is looking for others opinions on his case only.

SkintGypsy

If I was your daughter, despite it not being in her plans to have a baby at 17, I would be happy to bring a baby into such a loving and supportive family environment. She is very lucky to have you, and I hope she makes the decision that is right for her.

Becoming unexpectedly pregnant at any time is frightening. I was married, in work and wanted children. The timing was very bad due to financial circumstances, but from the moment I knew, I loved my baby. As long as your daughter feels supported, I'm sure she will find the courage to follow her heart. At least I hope so. Poor girl.

Dave101t

unexpectedly pregnant? if you have sex, you should always be expecting it? I do.
I cant see there is much for the family to discuss, if the daughter wants it, job done!

make_me_wise

EdgEy wrote: »

There are many others stuck on their own, relying on state benefits or in low paid jobs. Worry not for them, they chose the situation - it's the children I feel sorry for.

Im quite shocked at your remark above. Do you really believe that every lone parent raising children on benefits chooses that situation? There are many reasons why this happens, and your judgemental approach is the kind that makes life so much harder for them.

You obviously lead a very sheltered life, to never have heard about women having to flee horrendous situations within their family home and ending up as lone parents. I doubt very much they choose this situation. Why shouldn't they rely on state benefits for a while in time of great need. They do their best to raise their chidlren and give them a good life in very difficult circumstances.

It isn't their children I feel sorry for. I pity someone like you who gets to adulthood and is so arrogant and not wordly wise.

taxi36

Back to update.
Before I do though,let me say another heartfelt thank you for all of the private messages we are receiving,we are continuing to read and take strength from each and every one and want to tell you that although we are not replying to them individually as there are such a high volume of them we ARE reading each one received. So,again , thankyou to all the senders.

Right,we took our Daughter to the councelling session.She spent time talking to the councellor on her own and then after about an hour or so both me and her Mum were called in. We checked with our Daughter that she was comfortable with this and she was.

The councellor was the nicest lady I have ever met!

We continued talking for another half hour or so and the councellor asked our Daughter if she wanted to share any snippets of the session with us to which our Daughter informed us that she wants to keep her baby. It was a race to see which one of us got to our Daughter first to give her a massive hug . There were tears all round and we assured her that we were right there with her and regardless of her relationship with her bf once she told him her decision we were going to help and support her every step of the way.

Our Daughter confirmed what we had suspected all along and that is that she felt pressurised into saying she wanted the termination because this is what the other family wanted. We assured her that the thoughts and feelings of the other family took second place to anything that she herself felt. We told her that with or without the bf and his family if she wanted this baby then we were more than happy to welcome it into our family.

Cue one happier Daughter.

On arriving home last night I was sat in the kitchen having a well deserved beer and from there I could hear my wife and Daughter babbling on about prams , cots , cute little baby clothes and such like.....why do I get the feeling Im going to be hearing a lot of this in the coming months

So , it seems like the decision has been made and Im going to be a Grandad (at just 37 by the time baba arrives) and to tell you all the truth I couldnt be happier :D:D:D:D

Without the support of this forum I feel I wouldnt have been so prepared for all of this and for that all of us are eternally happy and appreciative to all of you :T.

Incase people are interested I am going to stick around on the forum and keep you all up to date on the pregnancy.

Thank you to all involved :T