Teenage (unplanned) pregnancy

meritaten

Taxi - after the counselling session tonight could you take or send your daughter away to trusted relatives or friends or go for a holiday yourselves? You really need to get her out of reach of these AWFUL people! she needs peace and space and time to make her decision - because from what you have said she is being pulled so many ways the poor girl doesnt even know her own mind yet! My daughter didnt have to cope with the same pressures and she didnt think about abortion for more than a minute! but, If the boyf had been pressuring her for one I think I would have interfered enough to remove her from his influence - even if only for a few days! I realise that you have come to terms with the pregnancy and are actually looking forward to being grandparents (and its the best job in the world - believe me! I have six now and love all of them to bits)...............and people have rightly said that by saying so you may be influencing your daughter and making her decision harder for her. but, personally, I would tell her that you have come to terms with her pregnancy - but its still her decision, talk to her about it being about HER feelings and HER LIFE - what would she do if BF wasnt in the picture. SORRY! am going on a bit and i bet the counsellor will cover that anyway.
I feel so sorry for your daughter - its hard to make a decision under pressure and this is the worst kind of pressure from these awful people! I know its their son..........but its their grandchild too! dont they realise that?

jellyhead

mikeandrach wrote: »

i hear your point, and i dont disagree completely with it. just as an unscientific straw poll, of 10 friends/work colleagues who i can recall using the phrase, all 10 had totally unplanned pregnancies. just seems like a nice easy soft phrase to use as a way of shirking responsibility for their actions to me

Shirking responsibility? If they used contraception and hadn't realised it had failed then there's nothing more they could have done to prevent pregnancy.

People have sex. Contraception doesn't always work.

jellyhead

This is off topic, but I recall hearing people (married women who were friends of my mum) talk about 'catching' pregnancies too. I was initially confused because I thought they meant they were contagious It's just a way of talking though ... 'I caught with Joanne on Valentines Day' etc. if they were trying for a baby.

When 'fell' pregnant was used it seemed to signify an unplanned pregnancy. One of her friends was amazed to find herself pregnant in her 40's and that's the first time I heard 'fell pregnant'.

jennyjelly

Taxi family, I just wanted to say I hope the counselling was helpful this evening and you feel better equipped now to make the right decision, whatever it may be.

JJ
x

belfastgirl23

I feel for your poor daughter so much. I've not been in the position of having to make this choice but always feel 'there but for the grace of god' when I hear of it.

I'm glad you've found a counsellor for her and would echo the comments of suggesting that she goes away for a while just to clear her head and try to listen to her own inner voice. It's there and it will tell you what's right for you if you listen close enough.

As for you telling her your own feelings, I don't think that's a good idea. she just needs to know that you'll support her whatever she decides. The last thing you want is her feeling that you decided it for her. She needs to be able to stand over her own decision and take responsiblity for it - no matter what she decides it's healthier for her in the longer term. By telling her you want her to keep it you're giving her the chance to shirk making the decision. Which would feel easier for her in the short term but long term could be damaging. You've done a great job of keeping your own counsel so far, I'd say stick with it.

meritaten

Something keeps saying to me 'tell her you would love her baby'! it may be what she needs to know to make her mind up! I agonised over posting this - as in the main I agree with NOT pressuring her! but, is letting her know she is loved and her baby would be loved pressure? NOT if you also told her that if she decided otherwise you would support that just as much! and as other posters have pointed out - so is adoption!

Mojisola

meritaten wrote: »

Something keeps saying to me 'tell her you would love her baby'! it may be what she needs to know to make her mind up! I agonised over posting this - as in the main I agree with NOT pressuring her! but, is letting her know she is loved and her baby would be loved pressure? NOT if you also told her that if she decided otherwise you would support that just as much! and as other posters have pointed out - so is adoption!

This is my feeling. She is getting so much pressure from the other side not to have the baby and is only getting a neutral stance from Mum and Dad - for the best of reasons, I can see that.

I would be concerned that she may be swayed by the no vote because she's not certain that the baby would be welcomed, rather than just accepted.

DON79

I think you should also tell her that you would love the baby and welcome him/her with open arms if she decides to keep the baby. best wishes for your daughter and baby and thinking of your whole family.

Derivative

mikeandrach wrote: »

please, people, just think before putting comments like 'i fell pregnant', coz if one thing wasn't involved in the process, my guess is it would be falling!

I also find this one strange.

Posted the same in another thread - if you get pregnant and you weren't planning to have children, why keep the child?

My greatest hate is people introducing children to the world with inadequate resources. And no, that doesn't just mean shelter and food. Kids need a loving environment, access to learning, and most of all hefty amounts of money, to give them a good start in life.

There is nothing wrong and indeed a lot to be said of waiting until the right time.=

Nixxx

I also think you should tell her your true feelings that you want her to keep the baby. Perhaps finish with something along the lines of, if you choose not to, we would still support you and it would never change our love for you etc.