Teenage (unplanned) pregnancy

NAR

taxi36 wrote: »

2-Even if he does chose to walk away from his child he still has a responsibility to provide for his child fnancially.

I think this is the main reason his parents want the termination. They obviously don't forsee a happily ever after for the two teenagers and don't want him saddled with this financial committment for the next 16/18 years.

FWIW I wouldn't tell her how you feel either. She is obviously under emotional blackmail from b/f and family; last thing she needs is emotional pressure from both sides. You have told her you will support HER decision, please leave it that way.

RAS

taxi36 wrote: »

The bf's mother said to my Daughter "sure you know that if you have the termination we will all chip in together to get you and bf a wee weekend away somewhere to cheer you up , but we will only be able to do this for you if you have the termination because if you are keeping the baby theres no point going away for the weekend as you wont be able to have a wee drink and enjoy yourself!"

so you have the termination and as a prize we will send you away for a weekend of booze and sex, where you might just get pregnant again!

And does NI have the same age limit as the UK for alcohol?

What is this women thinking of?

Errata

Poor girl, one side is pressing her to have a termination and TBH it looks like the other side are pressing her not to. She needs some good counselling from someone who knows all the ins and outs of both options, is completely unemotionally uninvolved and will be very honest with her.
I hope she gets it and bases her decision on hard facts, not the emotional opinion of the father, his parents and her parents. She only has to please herself because she is the one who will live her life with the decision she makes, not the BF or either sets of putative grandparents.

jackieglasgow

I don't think you should tell her what you want, because when all is said and done what YOU want is not important. If she asks, that is what you should say.

LittleMissMPB

taxi36 wrote: »

I HAVE however told my Daughter 2 things:

1-If she has the baby and he does do a runner there are MANY MANY men (in later years) who are happy and wiling to take on a single mum with a child and if this is her bf's true colors then it is best if she see's them now....

2-Even if he does chose to walk away from his child he still has a responsibility to provide for his child fnancially.

This really is a rollercoaster

Totally agree. After I split with my daughters father I did find someone else. We are now engaged and have given my daughter a half brother. He loves my daughter as if she were his own, it took some getting used to, but he knew what he was signing up for from the beginning. I'll apologise now if this is out of line at all, but it sounds to me like her boyfriend is telling her he will leave her if she keeps the baby, and have nothing to do with either of them. At that age she may believe that she can't do it without him, or she may be just scared of loosing him if she does/did love him. It may be worth telling her that she is better off without someone like that in her life anyway, and that the decision should be hers.

Lirin

It's very hard, Taxi. If you left her to deal with it on her own, you'd be influencing her. By supporting her, you're still influencing her. I don't mean to imply your support is wrong- quite the opposite.
For everything you do at the moment, there will always be someone who advises you do different. Personally, I think you're already doing the best you possibly could- you're there for her.
Such strong pushing from the BF's family. It's horrible that they can't be as supportive as your and your wife- that would have made it much less stress on your daughter. In regards to stress, maybe not a bad idea to try and keep your daughter away from BF's family for a bit? I think I read back a bit that you planned to- it's important that your daughter tries to limit stress at the moment- it's not good for either her or baby. BF's mother is offering booze, a weekend away, and her son as a prize for an abortion? Maybe that isn't how she meant it, but it comes across as horribly manipulative, and very, very nasty to pull on anyone, especially a young confused girl.
The counsellor sounds fantastic, and I do hope she's exactly what your daughter needs. Speaking to someone not involved directly can help so much- she may want to talk to the counsellor with you both present, or she may want to do it on her own.
Your daughter already knows how much you love her, and how much you think of her. That itself is as invaluable as any support you give her.

LittleMissMPB

taxi36 wrote: »

Does any-one think I should start telling my Daughter that I WANT her to have the baby? Seems the other family are making their feelings on the situation obvious. Are me and my wife doing ourselves "harm" by not voicing our opinion? Should we be taking a different approach do you think?

Maybe you could tell her that you would like to be a grandpa, but only when she, or any of your other children, feel ready and feel that it is the right time. That way she knows you want to be a grandpa, but it doesn't put pressure on her to keep the baby. Just a thought.

Mojisola

Errata wrote: »

Poor girl, one side is pressing her to have a termination and TBH it looks like the other side are pressing her not to.

From what Taxi says, this is not true. He and his wife have not expressed their opinion but said they will support her, whatever her decision.

Because of the pressure from the BF and family, it may be time for Taxi and MrsTaxi to be more open about their feelings. If their daughter feels at the moment that one side is adamant that she shouldn't have the baby and her parents aren't expressing an opinion, she may swayed by the forceful opinions.

I know they have tried to be objective and said that they will support her whatever her decision. Maybe she needs to hear that they will love and treasure their grandchild.

skylight

I think that you need to tell her that you will love your daughter forever if she does not keep the baby and similarly you will love her and your grandchild forever if she does decide to keep the baby.

I know that you have told her that you will support her whatever she decides to do, but perhaps you should spell it out a bit more. Just make it completely clear.

Lirin

http://www.education-support.org.uk/parents/school-aged-mothers/

http://www.home-start.org.uk/about/what_we_do


Taxi, I don't know if this would be any help?