Teenage (unplanned) pregnancy

LilacPixie

I really feel for your poor daughter Taxi. Unplanned pregnancy at any age is scary. I was 29 not 17 marred with 2 kids already and it was hard enough coming to terms with the pregnancy then and that was without the external pressures your daughter has. An nope kids have not ended my life just changed it a little (alot)

tellmeitsfriday

Hey

I've been reading this since the start. You sound amazing parents. I wish mine were a little more thoughtful and considerate - you seem to have a wonder adult style parent-daughter relationship

If she wants to know what you'd like her to do, then tell her by all means - ensure she knows it's your opinion though, not advice!

At the moment she should be concentrating on choosing what she wants to do.

With conflicting opinions from different directions she might feel pulled in different directions from different people who care (or propose) to care for her.

Good luck with the counselling - an objective conversation with an independent person could really help her. Do you know if they will help her to choose, or just chat through the options?

I hope she is able to make a decision soon, and start enjoying her future. The turmoil she is currently going through can't be good for her at all - and she must feel like she is in limbo land.

My thoughts (and prayers if you want them) are with you all xxx

neneromanova

I'm all for abortion if the need is there (Just thought I'd say that first)

I was 20 when I fell pregnant with my first and had only been with him for 3 months (Stupid yes I know) He gave me the whole if you terminate I'll be with you forever but If you keep this baby it'll be hard. I said I'm keeping it, he decided I didn't let him watch enough football so he ended it... I was about 15 weeks pregnant. At 17 weeks he was still harping on about how he's looked into it and abortions can still happen now until about 20something weeks. He has not seen his daughter once (His choice) and is now 30 years old, still living at home with mummy and doesn't pay anything to my DD. Which I'm happy about as I don't want my DD growing up knowing that kind of man.

I would ask her if she's looked into how the procedure is carried out, maybe if she hasn't then as a family all sit down and look for it together. I can't remember how far gone you said she could be. (If you've said it that is) Maybe she thinks that it's really easy to do and doesn't hurt at all. And I'm also betting that if she goes for one she'll be put on the mothers wind while she's waiting and see all the mothers with their kids.

Tell her that even if she does have an abortion, she's better off without him in her life as a man who can't stand up to his responsabilities isn't really a man at all. There are plenty of men who would go out with a mother. I'm engaged to a lovely man who started sating me while I was pregnant and has been a wonderful father to DD1. We now have a child together, our own house and we're getting married next september (ok we're doing it the wrong way round but who cares )

You have to let her know though that if she really wants this baby and BF doesn't and makes her go through with it she will end up really regretting it. It's not one of those things that you just forget about (well for a guy it is although they just think what a close call)

Having my DD's was the best thing I've ever done and I wouldn't change them for the world.

millie2332

This time last year I was in the same suituation. I just knew my daughter was different but was adimant that she wasnt pregnant. I went out for a test kit and passed it to her. A few minutes later we both looked a the blue lines. In those few minutes before we spoke I felt so sick with panic, I looked at her and gave her a cuddle as she was crying and told her everything was going to be fine. No matter what she decided I was going to help her and would stand by her, I fronted the familys anger as she had too much to think about( there is always a few that blow there top)
She decided on a termination but once at the hospital she changed her mind. Cut a long story short I was there when she had her little girl in October although the father wondered off and hasnt been seen since my daughter is still at college & works part time supporting herself and her daughter She lives with me at the moment and is saving up for a small place of there own when she finishes college next year. She is a great mum, yes her plans have changed but she will and I will help her achieve what she wants. Just be there for her, support her. after the shock has gone it does get easier for you to come to terms with it all.
:oBest of look to you all

ailuro2

Taxi, there's a third option here that you've not mentioned - one that has been used for many years when unmarried mothersgirls fell pregnant. The grandparents brought the child up as if it were their own. It's happened for generations, and might offer a way out for your DD to stop her feeling between a rock and a hard place as it were.

I hope she sees it more clearly after the conselling tonight, poor girl she's torn between losing her bf and keeping the baby. Trouble is you can't tell her the relationship is probably doomed either way as his parents are probably already putting their son under pressure to dump your lovely daughter as soon as he can persuade her to have a termination - I know that's very harsh and judgemental, I'm just going on what you've told us they've said so far ( they sound like really horrible people to me!)

There's a 4th way I'd not thought of before either - though it's a bit "soap opera plotline" - she tells him she's having a termination but doesn't actually have one. Then she's got a bit more time to make a decision without pressure from his folks.;)

neneromanova

Something else I just thought of...Adoption. She may not know what she wants to do now, but she could carry the pregnancy to term, see if she actually wants the baby at that time, if not put the child up for adoption? There's many people out there who can't have babies who would love a newborn and could give the child a loving home (not that your DD couldn't)

Plans_all_plans

Hi taxi, has your DD not asked you outright what you'd do in her situation? Or for your opinion? Do you have an opinion on abortion that your DD is already aware of?

Personally, if my DD came to me and told me she was pregnant, I wouldn't be able to stop myself from telling her that I'd want her to have the child.

BTW, were you and your wife the first to find out she was pregnant, or did she tell the boyfriend first?

bettyB_2

ailuro2 wrote: »

Taxi, there's a third option here that you've not mentioned - one that has been used for many years when unmarried mothersgirls fell pregnant. The grandparents brought the child up as if it were their own. It's happened for generations, and might offer a way out for your DD to stop her feeling between a rock and a hard place as it were.

i'm sorry i can't help but say i dont think this is a very good idea.

I appreciate the point, but if taxi and his wife have said they are going to support their daughter and the baby anyway i dont see why they'd pretend it's theirs.

Their daughter will be around it all the time in their house and it would not change her situation - if she makes the decision to go through with the pregnancy, give birth and keep the child, why would she not want to be it's mother? - EDIT - I dont mean by this that she shouldnt consider adoption outside the family

Plus it can be extremely damanging for the child in question to be brought up in that kind of environment - being lied to abuot it's parents, etc.

It was done decades ago when teens were punished for getting pregnant - they'd get sent away to give birth and be forbidden to mother their own child.

Teen pregnancy is no longer such a taboo - even in NI - and there is no reason to put either the mother or the baby through this outdated and harmful practice.

ailuro2

bettyB, I didn't mean it would be a secret or anyone would be pretending the gran had given birth to it herself, sorry if it came across that way:o, just that they would look after the baby themselves, not deny the chance of the mother to do it if she decides she wants to.

bettyB_2

ailuro2 wrote: »

bettyB, I didn't mean it would be a secret or anyone would be pretending the gran had given birth to it herself, sorry if it came across that way:o, just that they would look after the baby themselves, not deny the chance of the mother to do it if she decides she wants to.

Ah ok - sorry if i responded too sharply, I was just a bit shocked by the suggestion that it goes the way of an Eastenders episode!

I see what you mean, I guess taxi and his wife could bring up the baby as its grandparents, if she wanted to go to uni or something for example.
I guess I just assumed it would be a parent+grandparents parenting team anyway from the way taxi has spoken about their support for their daughter