Teenage (unplanned) pregnancy

taxi36

make_me_wise wrote: »

OP something has been bothering me a little. After reading some of the repsonses from people who are from NI and have a far more in depth knowledge of the realities of your situation there, I have wondered something.

Do you and your wife have a good support network of people helping you both? Are there people in the 'real world' that you can turn to for help as well as coming on here. I just feel that you both probably really need that right now. Its very hard to give loads of support to someone as you are with your daughter and not recieve any support yourselves from others closest to you.

I do hope that whatever happens there is help and understanding from those dearest to you, for all of you

Thanks. Tbh we have very little support "in the real world" atm.
Usually,we have lots of support from my Wife's parent's who are life savers to us and have been since the day I met my wife (when i was a spooty teenager:D). My in-laws are quite young and hip (lol) and they will be over joyed IF they end up being great grandparents. In saying that , my Wife has requested that we dont tell them anything just yet as they may get worry. At this point in time we dont want them to know.
I would LOVE to have someone to confide in though (in real life).

Can I just say thanks to all who supported and defended me when the poster made the comments about others paying to support my Daughter if she continues in her pregnancy. Obviously this horrible person did not read my posts to find out that my Daughter has a job and IF she continues with the pregnancy the plan would be for her to return to this job in order to do her best to support herself and her baby.
Have to say that I seem to be getting more support than critisim now. Maybe since I lost the "anger" (which was actually deep shock) from my first post.

peachyprice

angelil wrote: »

I know that contraceptive failures do happen, but having been sleeping with my fianc! for 6 years without even a near miss I do find it difficult to see how.

Oh how ridiculously naive of you.

There is no such thing as a 'near miss' with failed contraception, it either works, or it doesn't. NOTHING, except abstinance is 100% safe, so just think yourself lucky.

Would you like us to do a poll on here as to just how many of us have got pregnant through failed contraception? It might just open your eyes as to how stupid your comment is.

Lirin

While babies 'should' (maybe) be planned, it rarely works like that....

Your daughter sounds young and scared from the responses you've posted on here- but she also sounds mature, level-headed and capable. Being scared is perfectly natural.

It's still all so recent, and so much on your minds every hour I'm sure. It would be hard not to think about- but may be important that you all try and take a break from it (fairly hard to do, I'm sure), go out for a meal, cinema, anything. It will give you all time to have a mental breather, and collect your thoughts. That maybe isn't the best suggestion on here, but it might help?

You will have a long enough time to get used to this, whatever decision your daughter comes to. If she does decide to keep baby, you may be surprised at the level of support in NI- there is plenty available, both for your daughter and yourselves. If she doesn't, I'm sure I can find the name of a support group for her, should she need it...

Please do tell her to contact me if she wishes, I will happily listen or help if I can.

belfastgirl23

taxi36 wrote: »

Thanks. Tbh we have very little support "in the real world" atm.
Usually,we have lots of support from my Wife's parent's who are life savers to us and have been since the day I met my wife (when i was a spooty teenager:D). My in-laws are quite young and hip (lol) and they will be over joyed IF they end up being great grandparents. In saying that , my Wife has requested that we dont tell them anything just yet as they may get worry. At this point in time we dont want them to know.
I would LOVE to have someone to confide in though (in real life).

And I think you're right to keep it that way, at least for a little while. Partly because your DD needs a little time to get used to the idea before having to talk about it, and because her BF needs to figure out where he is on all this. But also partly because I also think that talking about pregnancy in the first trimester probably isn't that good an idea, there is always the possibility that the pregnancy fails for some reason and you're best getting it to a stage of being established before getting into explanations. As long as the other family involved also agree not to discuss it any further - the last thing you want is your ILs hearing on the grapevine!!

Errata

Belfastgirl makes some good points, but the most important point is the girl may decide to have a termination so won't want the world and its dog to know she's pregnant.

xstitchfru

I have a wonderful 14yr old son because a youg girl became pregnant at 14, gave birth at 15 and chose, through the help of on adoption agency, us as his family. abortion is not the only answer if someone cannot look after thier child.

carolan78

peachyprice wrote: »

This thread has made me think alot about my own sons. They've just turned 16 and neither of them have girlfriends yet but one piece of advice I am going to give them in the very near future is, when they do eventually get girlfriends, to have a conversation BEFORE they embark on a sexual relationship as to what they and their girlfriends would want in the event of an unplanned pregnancy and really ram home to them just how easy it is for sex to lead to pregnancy no matter how careful they are.

I would ram home that no matter what is discussed in that conversation with the girlfriend to take their own precautions also. A family member had this very same convo and was told long term contraception was been used and if it should fail then a termination would be sought as he never wanted children. Hey ho he will be a Dad in a few months time.

To say relationships with the Mum are fraught is an understatement and I can't help but feeling for the child that even though I know he won't mean to he will resent to some degree for the rest of his life.

Taxi yourself and your wife are wonderful parents and the above story is in no way relative to yourselves more for those with teenage boys that may get caught out by a female wanting a child (which I don't believe for one minute your daughter is one of those).

I really hope she comes to a decision that is right for her. With your support I am confidant she eventually will and she won't feel railroaded by the other family.

ska_lover

As I posted a few pages back, I just wanted to say, i love to read about women who were young parents that have really made something of their lives, gone to Uni etc. Having a child at a young age made me want to be a better person, and I feel sure that i have achieved more than I would have otherwise, through wanting to set a good example to my lad. Positive thoughts go out to your daughter, I hope she makes the right descision for her.

When I was pregnant at 17, my mother tried to force me into a descision and told me if i didn't have an abortion I had to move out, even though she knew I had no alternative accomodation. She had even gone as far as making phone calls to clinics behind my back. I packed a bag and left that same afternoon without saying a word and moved in to a hostel. I didn't set eyes on mum for a couple of years.

Your daughter is really lucky to have such a caring supportive dad.

Angelil:- your comments are judgemental and inappropriate, and you seem like you need some education, girl! Maybe your boyfriend is firing blanks!! Or you are as barren as a desert! No - its NOT very nice when people are judgmental is it!! Silly child really showing lack of maturity!


((Sorry for going 'off on one' taxi, it won't happen again. Some people really pee me off!))

Blue_Monkey

Lirin wrote: »

It would be hard not to think about- but may be important that you all try and take a break from it (fairly hard to do, I'm sure), go out for a meal, cinema, anything. It will give you all time to have a mental breather, and collect your thoughts. That maybe isn't the best suggestion on here, but it might help?

Good call Lirin I think this is the best idea on here.

I'm 31 and recently found out I'm pregnant (unexpected rather than unplanned) and OH and I have been totally freaked out. The most intense and unproductive parts of the last couple of weeks since we found out has been sitting on the sofa or laying in bed talking/crying about it. However, when we're out and about we can breathe a bit easier and get a sense of normality.

Going round in circles indoors is too intense for me, so I think going out and giving yourselves a break from it all temporarily is a fab idea. Otherwise it's difficult to see the wood for the trees!

belfastgirl23

Errata wrote: »

Belfastgirl makes some good points, but the most important point is the girl may decide to have a termination so won't want the world and its dog to know she's pregnant.

It sounded to me like that ship had sailed already and the girl had made her decision but you're absolutely right, why remove the choice any earlier than you need to.