Teenage (unplanned) pregnancy

taxi36

:(Firstly,let me apologise if this post upsets any-one.I am aware that many people on this forum are desperately trying to conceive a baby + so if my post bothers you I really do apologise.Upsetting any-one is not my intention,I just need some help
As I have posted else-where on the forum,my teenage Daughter has come home + informed myself + her Mum that she is pregnant .

To say that we are shocked and disheartened at this precise time is an under-statement.We had high hopes for our Girl.

The range of emotions we are feeling today ranges from anger-shock-disapointment-disbelief-fear-anxiety-confusion.

At this point in time no decision has been made about whether the pregnancy will continue.Ashamed as I am,we have not discussed this with our Daughter as yet as we are still in the angry stage and so out Daughter has retreated to her Boyfriends house.
We plan to get the 2 families together later on tonight to discuss matters,although the end decision will be our Daughter's, we will not make her do any-thing she does not want to do.

Can any-one help me through this? Has your child been a young parent? Were you a young parent yourself? Have you helped your child have a termination? Have you yourself had a termination? Is you're own teenager currently pregnant?
Please. Im pretty cut up atm and would just appreciate some help:(

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Lose the angry stage. Now.

Or lose your daughter permanently.

peachyprice

I know you're going to get the 'oh a baby is always a wonderful thing, you should be happy' replies, but as a parent I too would be feeling all the emotions you are and would be seriously unimpressed.

The very very best thing you can do for your daughter now is put your own feelings aside and give her the reasurrance she needs that you still love her and you will be there to support her in whatever decision she and her boyfriend make, even if it is not what you want.

She will be in absolute turmoil herself right now, so please don't give her your disappointment to deal with too, she needs your help to make the right decision that will effect the rest of her life. Don't let that decision me made because she's feeling rejected by you and your wife or out of spite.

Good luck, I hope you can all come to a decision everyone, but most of all your daughter and her boyfriend, is happy with.

taxi36

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Lose the angry stage. Now.

Or lose your daughter permanently.

Thanks but that wont happen.The bond between ourselves and our Daughter is strong.She knows that at the end of the day what-ever she decides we will be right there beside her.She KNOWS that.

I am angry at the situation.

gonzo127

although i can understand where you are coming from (however i have not been in your position) i feel getting both families together at this point in time might be a bad idea as the comment that stuck out in my head when reading your post was
- we have not discussed this with our Daughter as yet as we are still in the angry stage and so out Daughter has retreated to her Boyfriends house -
now i think the best course of action would be to sit down with her on her own and ask her how she feels about it and what her inital thoughts are as to what she wants to do would be better than everyone getting together and potentially coming to blows due to all the emotions that are no doubt going through everyones heads

just remember that just because she is pregnant young does not mean she cant do anything with her life, it might make it more difficult if she decides to keep it, but she can still go to uni etc

Loopy_Girl

taxi36 wrote: »

:(Firstly,let me apologise if this post upsets any-one.I am aware that many people on this forum are desperately trying to conceive a baby + so if my post bothers you I really do apologise.Upsetting any-one is not my intention,I just need some help
As I have posted else-where on the forum,my teenage Daughter has come home + informed myself + her Mum that she is pregnant .

To say that we are shocked and disheartened at this precise time is an under-statement.We had high hopes for our Girl.

The range of emotions we are feeling today ranges from anger-shock-disapointment-disbelief-fear-anxiety-confusion.

At this point in time no decision has been made about whether the pregnancy will continue.Ashamed as I am,we have not discussed this with our Daughter as yet as we are still in the angry stage and so out Daughter has retreated to her Boyfriends house.
We plan to get the 2 families together later on tonight to discuss matters,although the end decision will be our Daughter's, we will not make her do any-thing she does not want to do.

Can any-one help me through this? Has your child been a young parent? Were you a young parent yourself? Have you helped your child have a termination? Have you yourself had a termination? Is you're own teenager currently pregnant?
Please. Im pretty cut up atm and would just appreciate some help:(

And why don't you have high hopes anymore? Being a teenage young Mum doesn't HAVE to mean that you have a life on benefits shacked up with a Stella drinking wifebeater..any plans she has just have to be modified/postposted for a while.

What are you angry about? Have you never ever made mistakes in your life? What a disappointing response from you and your wife...you are meant to love and support your children unconditionally.

RAS

Well, right now you daughter does not know that; she has retreated to BFs, has she not?

And getting both families together is so Victorian.

I assume she is over 18? If so, ask her and BF to work out what they want to do and come to you and talk about it like adults.

She is hardly going to have told you this if she does not want to keep the baby, by the way.

Loopy_Girl

peachyprice wrote: »

She will be in absolute turmoil herself right now, so please don't give her your disappointment to deal with too, she needs your help to make the right decision that will effect the rest of her life. Don't let that decision me made because she's feeling rejected by you and your wife or out of spite.

Spot on.

It's a real shame she felt the need to 'retreat to her boyfriends' at such an emotive time.

bettyB_2

Obviously you are angry and frustrated at the situation, but try to remember that either way this will not be the end of your daughter's life - she can still go to uni (if that was the plan), have a career, etc, whatever she likes, whether she keeps the baby or not.

I can see why she has 'retreated' to her bf's house - she is scared of your feelings (disappointment, anger, etc) first off just let her know that these feelings are only born of love and concern for her wellbeing and that she mustn't be afraid of your initial rection as they are skewed by shock.

You are very lucky that she came and spoke to you in the first place, lots of teens would have hidden this from their parents.

Loopy_Girl

RAS wrote: »

She is hardly going to have told you this if she does not want to keep the baby, by the way.

I have to agree with this also.

She probs would have known your response about an unplanned pregnancy and if she was going to terminate, would probably have quietly taken herself off to the clinic.

You don't need to tell your parents you have had an abortion and frankly, I doubt there are many parents who would want to know if their child had an abortion.

taxi36

peachyprice wrote: »

I know you're going to get the 'oh a baby is always a wonderful thing, you should be happy' replies, but as a parent I too would be feeling all the emotions you are and would be seriously unimpressed.

The very very best thing you can do for your daughter now is put your own feelings aside and give her the reasurrance she needs that you still love her and you will be there to support her in whatever decision she and her boyfriend make, even if it is not what you want.

She will be in absolute turmoil herself right now, so please don't give her your disappointment to deal with too, she needs your help to make the right decision that will effect the rest of her life. Don't let that decision me made because she's feeling rejected by you and your wife or out of spite.

Good luck, I hope you can all come to a decision everyone, but most of all your daughter and her boyfriend, is happy with.

Thank-you. You're words are very much appreciated.

Regardless of the fact that we are angry-at the situation more than at our Daughter-she knows without question that what-ever decision she arrives at we will both be beside her every step of the way.There is no question that we will "disown" or make our Daughter feel guilty or wrong.She is our child and we will support and help her unconditionally.
Part of me is thinking that whilst the situation is far from ideal,it has happened and we now have to make the best of the it. I'm just not sure that I could live with the knowledge that an innocent baby has been aborted
Without question + our Daughter knows this,if she goes ahead with the pregnancy,both myself and my Wife will support both her and the baby + we will encourage her to return to her training course so that she will gain the qualification that she has been working so hard towards.
We will also do our best to ensure that she returns to her part time job,we will of course look after the baby whilst she works.

Thanks again for the kind words.