Nearly 30, in debt, lost and nervous! I need to change.

kelpie35

Sorry to hear you have not been too well.

From reading your last post I can only suggest you need to pay a visit to the doctor. I would suggest you write down just how you are feeling and hand the letter to your doctor. It sounds to me you are suffering from depression and you are not a failure in saying how you actually feel.

I would also suggest you start taking 1 day at a time and do not put so much pressure on yourself.

You have achieved so much over the last year or so and you will continue to reach your goals but sometimes it might take a bit longer then you envisioned.

Please take care of yourself and your DD. X

cutestkids

I have been reading your diary since you first started posting but this is the first time i have said anything to you,

Please dont take this the wrong way but first thing Monday please make an appointment with the Doctor you sound depressed and need to seek help.

With regards to your OH he seems to be very controlling and not happy when you were being positive because he felt he was loosing some of that control, again dont take this the wrong way but you appear to be in an abusive relastionship.

Abuse is not just being beat up or sexually absued it can be emotional abuse which is often just as bad.

Please get help

beverleyhills

Agree with the other posters. See your GP immediately.

Slowdown

Hi There Lost,
Its your old pal Slowdown here.
I am very worried about your last post. You have not let anyone down, especially not us and you must not feel like you owe us anything except your honesty about your feelings. We are here to help, advise and support, not to criticise. Please don't worry about anyone thinking badly of you.

You have been very brave sitting down and facing the fact things have slipped. But that is all they have done. You are the same person as you were in your more positive times, still a mum, still a person as worthy as any other.

Perhaps the doctor is the best person to help you through the toughest of times. One post suggested you write it all down and hand it to the doctor if its too difficult to say. This is a very good idea and something my friend did last month. In fact she didn't sit there while it was read, she went into the room and talked to him briefly, let him know things weren't good but said she would make an appointment to come back. He offered to read it there and then but she went back the following week. I won't go into details but he was a huge help and she is now on low dose anti depressants and is feeling so much better. These people are there to help so take advantage of it.

With regard to helping yourself in other ways how about writing down just one thing to do tomorrow. Maybe it will just be getting dressed and dressing DD. Maybe it will be to walk once around the block and count how many birds you see. Something small but it lets you know you are alive.
Above all keep talking to us. We want to help or we wouldn't be here.
With my very best wishes and continued support
Slowdown:)

Lost_and_nervous

I am depressed! DEPRESSED! Now its time to work with the treatment and get better for me and DD! I have medication, and techniques to deal with things so am going to take each day at a time.

Thank you so much for all your support and guidance.

I have started, I make sure I get washed and dressed before I do anything. I am making an effort to get out of the house once a day even if its to the park. Its going to be a long journey but one I am going to take and get to my destination.

I have listed on ebay this week which feels good, I will keep that up. I have been getting phone calls from creditors as my DMP started but the payments didnt start until the month after. Its wound me up really as that has been stressing me out but I am going to make the payment to them just to stop the phone calls.

I am fed up of feeling like this, I am fed up of being so down and angry. I need to make changes, I need to be me again. I have had enough.

I have so many things I want to achieve, I really do so I need to work towards them, and be able to tick them off the list.

I am going to try to come on here everyday as I find you all help me so much. So thank you . xx

kelpie35

Good to hear from you and to know you are getting some help from your GP.

You are a strong person but sometimes there needs to be a little help given to make us stronger again.

Keep taking one day at a time and you will get there.

Take care x

girlatplay

Oh lost, I'm really pleased for you. I don't mean that to sound wrong, I just mean that I'm pleased you have an answer for how you are feeling. Now you are able to look forward properly and you know there is actually a problem that you can fix.

Onwards and upwards now, you will definitely feel an improvement soon.

Much love xxx

PiggyBankShaker

Lost_and_nervous wrote: »

I have totally fallen down, hit the ground and shattered into tiny pieces, become the very nervous person that I longed not to be, I have hid from everyone and keeping me and DD safe from the bad world. I have become anxious and have let myself fall apart again, dreaming of being the successful debtfree confident person I long to be. I have been sitting here most days staring at what needs to be done, what needs to be sold, what needs to be achieved. I have let the house, my work and the debt get back on top of me, resulting in not very much being done and many days not even getting dressed let alone washed. I hate feeling like this and being no good for DD. OH seems to be happier but is it a control thing? Or is it that he gets to do what he wants as I am occupied in self pity? This isnt the person I want to be, I dislike feeling like this, I dislike being like this and I have turned back into that person but I need to turn back into the person I was working towards!

I was doing so well with the tidy one room at a time, but I fell down and that was the end of that. But I know I need to pick myself up and continue where I left off.

Everything seems such a big deal at the moment and I seem to rely on OH for everything, or is it that I have fallen back into that trap and have no where to run..

I have been sitting here for the last half hour gazing out at the blue sky whilst looking down at the computer wanting to post but feeling like Ive failed and how can I face so many wonderful people who have supported me the whole way. I knew that the biggest step is achievable as I have done it before and it worked in helping me move forward, so I turned the computer on, logged in and thought - I need to do this!

I am in trouble at work as I have been under achieving and they arent the most sympathetic of people. Unless your face fits. Which mine doesnt cause I keep myself to myself, I dont get involved with office gossip and I dont 'socialise' outside of work. The last thing I need is to loose my job.

I just want to be able to cope, cope with everything without falling down and feeling like a complete failure. I just want to make the most of everyday without worrying about having too much sleep or feeling tired all the time. I just want to feel like I can do what I set out to do. And I dont want to feel lost in a world I need to make the most of.

From this day forward I need to do my best and really make the most of everything. I need to really work hard and try to do my best at everything. I need to really get back into a routine and make everyday count. I cant carry on like this, I cant carry on existing but not living! I need to live!!! xx

Dear Lost and Nervous,

I could have written word for word what you have just said. You explain it all so clearly. I have suffered depression on and off for over three years since my DD was born, and some day it is a huge struggle to even get dressed. I remember what I used to be like beofre and wonder if I will ever be that person again.

It does get easier with time, and you need to look after yourself. Remember that each month that goes by takes you closer and closer to your debt free day. You are working so hard to make a better life for yourself and your child and you are setting a really good example.

Be proud for working to overcome this adversity. Nothing that was ever worth doing was easy.

It will make you stronger in teh long run and smarter too, less likely to make the same mistakes.

Keep going, it gets easier.

Slowdown

Dear Lost,
Bit of a relief to see you are up and about again. So glad you went to see the GP and get some help. Time to start again and just remember you are still a few rungs up the ladder from your starting point all those months ago.
I think its a great idea that you come on here each day, even if it's just a couple of lines to jot down how you are feeling.
You are so much stronger than you think you are, most people wouldn't even have the guts to try and find a solution and yet you seem to keep leaping over the next hurdle, no matter how high.
I wish I could show you a crystal ball, then you could see what a bright future you have. How could you not, with the gumption you display.
Happier days ahead I suspect.
Kind regards
Slowdown:)

Eager_Elephant

(((Lost)))

I'm glad you felt able to come back and tell us how things were going for you.

Hopefully the medication will start working soon, I think you have made an excellent start - just getting washed and dressed each day is such a positive thing.

Hopefully now the weather is getting better you will be able to get out and about better with your DD.