Nearly 30, in debt, lost and nervous! I need to change.

Lost_and_nervous

girlatplay wrote: »

I'll give you some positives from your second last post :



I know you have OH but he doesn't sound very hands on and it is hard to bring up a child "on your own". Is there anyone you could leave little lost with like once a week or something just for a couple of hours? When my friend's youngest was little she used to put him into a creche for an hour while she went for a swim. It just gave her time to be herself once a week. She is married with 3 children and has a good marriage and family life but she felt like she was losing herself in being a wife and a mum all the time. I know it costs money but it would give you a little sanity back. Obviously you don't have to swim!! :rotfl:

xxx

Thank you for the positives!

There really isnt anyone, this is the problem, I was going to look into a creche on a swimming pool but its the whole money thing. Your friend is right, it can get like that, and I am feeling like that. I have lost me. So I may go and have a look at costs before I decide.

Hope your ok xxx

PinotGrigio41

Hi Lost,

I have just skim read your diary, but it sounds like you are doing amazingly well . Keep going ! I am going to subscribe and catchup properly over the next few days !

Pinot x

Lost_and_nervous

bobble_hat wrote: »

Hi Lost and nervous,

I've just skim-read your entire diary so far. You have inspired me, I love your idea of sorting one room at a time, I keep doing bits from each room and getting nowhere so I am going to try this.

You are doing so well, when I read your latest posts after reading your first I can see you have come such a long way.

You have really got the hang of this MSE life :T

It is hard work, but you just keep plugging away at it, even on your low days you seem to still be thinking about other things you can be doing.

I don't know if you've read back over your own diary, it may be a good idea, to remind yourself where you are now from where you were.

You're awesome, just keep going, you're doing brilliantly :T

Thank you so much for taking time to read my diary and for sending me such lovely words. The sorting the one room out at a time is working, the rest of the house is terrible but I am working on the one room and its a long process but its working.

I dont think I have got the hang of mse life just yet, but its a working process.

Your words really mean alot to me, i wouldnt have got this far without the support of my mse friends. You have al been great. xxx

Lost_and_nervous

ebayqueen wrote: »

Hiya Lost

Have just caught up on your diary. How are you feeling today?

Am going to update in a moment. Hope you are ok. xx

Lost_and_nervous

PinotGrigio41 wrote: »

Hi Lost,

I have just skim read your diary, but it sounds like you are doing amazingly well . Keep going ! I am going to subscribe and catchup properly over the next few days !

Pinot x

Hello and thank you for taking the time to read my diary, post and subscribe.

I have noticed your signature and you have done very well already. Have you got any tips?

Thank you xx

Lost_and_nervous

I have been down and I have been all over the place but I know that I need to carry on and keep going.... Its a long road to recovery but I am going to be determined to keep moving forward and not get stuck at the traffic lights!

I have cleared out 3 bags of recycling - letters, envelopes, leaflets, and then there was another bag of just rubbish and 2 bags for ebay and thats just at the moment from one room. All the letters I have been hiding for so long, ashamed of them, scared of opening them, its awful to think thats how so many of us feel and the point we get to.

Its upsetting but I have learnt from it and I no longer want to be like that so I am working towards a clear fresh start. I still have so much to do but I am doing it.

I havent sold that much on ebay, a few items finishing over next couple of days, not looking promising but theres so much more to list.

Payday nearly here, as quick as it comes in it goes out but thats life!

Feeling down within myself, I just want to feel more like me again, I know I need my own time to make me stronger so I am going to work towards finding some time.

OH has been difficult as always, but thats life. He gets under my feet, doesnt understand what I am saying (or just plain doesnt care want to listen), just keep trying to get him to pay his share towards things.

I sit here and wonder if things will ever get any easier, my negative side wants to say no! My positive side iS going to say it will. xxx

ebayqueen_2

Chin up Pet :):):):)

You will get through this...look how far you come and you have us all on here to talk to. Sometimes life overwhelms us but we get there. Get rid of all paperwork thats not needed. If it is gone you will feel more positive and moving on. Hope that sounds sensible. Eyes closing need to go to my bed:):)

Hope little one ok and take care of yourself.

girlatplay

Lost_and_nervous wrote: »

Its a long road to recovery but I am going to be determined to keep moving forward and not get stuck at the traffic lights!

Sometimes there is no avoiding the lights changing to red as we approach them but as soon as they go green - foot down girl! Floor it!!

Slowdown

Hi Lost
How are you feeling at the moment? Even though I don't pop in often I do keep up with your progress and think you could maybe do with a bit of a boost.
I always think we are too ready to find fault with ourselves instead of praising ourselves for what we do achieve. Your achievements so far are numerous and wide reaching. Even though some things are small, like clearing out a draw or making a list, they are still steps in the right direction.
Sometimes it's hard isn't it, to see the woods for the trees, and believe me, I know. The thing is we have to just keep putting one foot in front of the other and hope for the best. Don't give up.
You can pause in your quest for a better life, but don't give up.
I strongly believe that our mental attitude can get us through most things, and much of what our minds are capable of is yet undiscovered. If you hit a rocky patch just sit back a while, pat yourself on the back and try again when you are ready. Don't berate yourself and don't put yourself down.
It's hard if you have noone to help congratulate you on your achievements, and tell you that you're wonderful, but remember we are here to cheer you on. And cheering we are.
Say "I love you" to the mirror every so often and give yourself a smile. I'm sending you a smile from me to start you off.
Kind regards
Slowdown:)

Lost_and_nervous

I have totally fallen down, hit the ground and shattered into tiny pieces, become the very nervous person that I longed not to be, I have hid from everyone and keeping me and DD safe from the bad world. I have become anxious and have let myself fall apart again, dreaming of being the successful debtfree confident person I long to be. I have been sitting here most days staring at what needs to be done, what needs to be sold, what needs to be achieved. I have let the house, my work and the debt get back on top of me, resulting in not very much being done and many days not even getting dressed let alone washed. I hate feeling like this and being no good for DD. OH seems to be happier but is it a control thing? Or is it that he gets to do what he wants as I am occupied in self pity? This isnt the person I want to be, I dislike feeling like this, I dislike being like this and I have turned back into that person but I need to turn back into the person I was working towards!

I was doing so well with the tidy one room at a time, but I fell down and that was the end of that. But I know I need to pick myself up and continue where I left off.

Everything seems such a big deal at the moment and I seem to rely on OH for everything, or is it that I have fallen back into that trap and have no where to run..

I have been sitting here for the last half hour gazing out at the blue sky whilst looking down at the computer wanting to post but feeling like Ive failed and how can I face so many wonderful people who have supported me the whole way. I knew that the biggest step is achievable as I have done it before and it worked in helping me move forward, so I turned the computer on, logged in and thought - I need to do this!

I am in trouble at work as I have been under achieving and they arent the most sympathetic of people. Unless your face fits. Which mine doesnt cause I keep myself to myself, I dont get involved with office gossip and I dont 'socialise' outside of work. The last thing I need is to loose my job.

I just want to be able to cope, cope with everything without falling down and feeling like a complete failure. I just want to make the most of everyday without worrying about having too much sleep or feeling tired all the time. I just want to feel like I can do what I set out to do. And I dont want to feel lost in a world I need to make the most of.

From this day forward I need to do my best and really make the most of everything. I need to really work hard and try to do my best at everything. I need to really get back into a routine and make everyday count. I cant carry on like this, I cant carry on existing but not living! I need to live!!! xx