Nearly 30, in debt, lost and nervous! I need to change.

Slowdown

Well you seem to be on your feet again so that is a good thing. Well done.

Good for you for getting back to work and facing the demons on the desk. I am constantly behind at work. I do a job that never ends and you can never sit back and say you have finished, there would always be more and more to do but I just keep putting one foot infront of the other. I try to pioritise what is most important, but often get distracted by the smaller, less challenging tasks that are easier and quicker. However, it keeps me ticking over in the darker days and I have some smashing friends at work who would always support me, and for that I am extemely grateful. Keep your chin up at work and keep plugging away. Once you see the light at the end of the tunnel on each task you will feel your load begin to lighten.

Also well done for all the small things. Exercise definitely helps depression, as does a balanced diet and some relaxation. Do you have earphones? When DD has gone to bed, find yourself somewhere quiet to sit/lie, search for an online meditation and plug the earphones into the laptop. Even ten minutes can be fabulously refreshing. The internet is full of them.

I can't emphasise enough how important it is to just keep trying to make things better. Depression to me is the feeling that I am standing on the edge of a very high cliff with a huge drop beneath it, never knowing whether I am going to jump over the edge or not. I know that I am ok as long as I stay on the top, no matter how close to the edge I go, even if I am clinging on by my fingernails. As long as I don't actually jump into that deep abyss I know I can always claw my way back up. Just doing the most mundane tasks in the world help me from jumping. A hug for a loved one, feeding the cats, a walk in the sunshine all help to lift the spirits. Stay close to nature as much as you can as this breathes new life into us too.

Good luck over Easter. Going away for a week to a place with no internet, switching off my mobile, taking a bag full of books and a large soft blanket.

Kind regards as ever
Slowdown:)

Lost_and_nervous

Yet again, I am starting again but this time refreshing and taking a very deep breath! Inhale and Exhale, brush myself down and stand up tall.

I have been referred for counselling, not sure when I will hear from them and dont know if its going to help me as I dont think I will be able to open up but I will give it a try. The medication is really setting in and my dose is changing next week, it has been increased. As long as it makes me better thats the important thing.

I have been avoiding, avoiding all sorts. Avoiding here, avoiding ebay this week, I sold a couple of items, but I have been feeling really down and now i still havent sent them and its been a week. I know I need to but I dont know what to say to them.

On the other hand, I really really really know what I need to do and as I have faced my diary I can face more. Its been like a vicious circle over the last few weeks, OH has been better with me but its still a long road. I have read all your posts but I am finding it hard to reply at the moment as I have so much I need to get down in this diary. I just want to get everything out.

Mental Health really does effect life, mental health is effected by debt, the debt is the least of my worries, as i have started dealing with it just need to get my mental health better.

I am so behind with things still, but I need to not overload my head, I need to take it each day at a time.

You are all so wonderful to me, and have helped me come so far. And I thank you. xxx

girlatplay

I think that counselling will only work for you if you tell them everything. If you hold stuff back you might not get the full benefits (I speak as someone who has had counselling so not only my opinion). It is completely confidential so nothing will get back to OH.

Keep your chin up and your head held high

xx

Lost_and_nervous

girlatplay wrote: »

I think that counselling will only work for you if you tell them everything. If you hold stuff back you might not get the full benefits (I speak as someone who has had counselling so not only my opinion). It is completely confidential so nothing will get back to OH.

Keep your chin up and your head held high

xx

Thank you for your inspiration to get the most out of the counselling. Did you find it helped? I hope so, I do worry about the what ifs.

Hope you and little miss are ok! xxx

Lost_and_nervous

Just as my title says - with all my mighty effort I am going to move forward, I know its going to take a lot of determination and hard work but I must keep moving forward. Moving forward not only for myself but for my beautiful precious DD.

I am going to make all the effort to really crack on with things and achieve. I know that I need to continue with my diary and speaking to you all, you have all been my rocks and helped me along the way. And I thank you.

I am strong deep down but I am depressed and I am anxious and this is the challenge which I am facing as well as the debt. But I am moving forward now, I am going to work as hard as I can. I have gone sick from work this week as the anxiety is very bad but its going cause I am indoors and I am feeling less anxious knowing that I dont need to go out. Wow feels good getting that out.

Me and OH have had an argument this morning but its purely because he is insensitive. Insensitive being his middle name. But I am not going to let his insensitive mouth get me down anymore, I have hit rock bottom and bounced around on the bottom hitting my self on the little sharp rocks trying to get up but falling down but I am stood up, I am stood up tall and now I need to take the first step out of the rock bottom to the concrete! Its ok I have a plan.

Miracles dont happen over night, its hard work and determination.

Transforming myself, my mental state, my general wellbeing and my home will mean I can work towards confidence, healthier lifestyle, mental calm and a clutter free organised home which in turn will help me to deal with my debts full on head strong!

Face the problems and mess I have got myself into and deal with them. Deal with them with a strong head.

Back to toddler group this week also to meet with the mums again, i need to get out and build myself up again. I need to stop pick myself up out of self pity.

As for the debts, still paying them but the bare minimum, which is ok! At least they are being paid but as of this month I am going to try to pay more even if its £1. Its ok cause they are being dealt with. I am definatly moving on from the hoarding of things, I dont need loads of things, I need to be clever with what I have and get rid of the loads of things which I have hoarded.

Time to be a better happier person xx

beverleyhills

L&N

Well done, very positive self talk. Remember to include 'I will take care of myself. I am not superwoman and will do only what is within my capacity today and not fret about what is left undone'.

How would you eat an elephant? A bit(e) at a time.

girlatplay

This is in someone's signature but I can't remember whose it is:

"A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step"

You have to put one foot in front of the other and keep plodding along. To get to the top of the ladder you have to start on the first rung.

Yes, don't let OH get you down. You are a lovely person Lost and you need to believe in yourself.

xx

Lost_and_nervous

beverleyhills wrote: »

L&N

Well done, very positive self talk. Remember to include 'I will take care of myself. I am not superwoman and will do only what is within my capacity today and not fret about what is left undone'.

How would you eat an elephant? A bit(e) at a time.

Thank you for your kind words and inspirational words! Thats one thing I do need to learn to do is not fret about what is left undone.

Thank you xxx

Lost_and_nervous

girlatplay wrote: »

This is in someone's signature but I can't remember whose it is:

"A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step"

You have to put one foot in front of the other and keep plodding along. To get to the top of the ladder you have to start on the first rung.

Yes, don't let OH get you down. You are a lovely person Lost and you need to believe in yourself.

xx

Thank you for your kind words, And very true!! I will try to believe in myself xxx

Lost_and_nervous

Me and DD woke up early so had breakfast and went and done our food shop. It was lovely and quiet but I am feeling so tired now. Must not let it get me down so will carry on.

Lots Lost wants to achieve but a step at a time. I have messed up in my time but now I need to rectify it and work hard to make amends and build myself up again.

I have shredded lots of old paperwork and have sorted through a couple of bits which now have new homes and it feels so good. I had a mass clearup of our bedroom the other day and it feels so much more calm and even though theres still lots to go through in my wardrobe and drawers, its ok because I can do one thing at a time and take my time, at least for now I have the feeling of calm, somewhere I can escape to.

I have started jogging round the streets for a little me time, it feels good to have that time, I think its important for me to have that time also to build myself up and why shouldnt I have that time. OH is capable to looking after his child too, he gets his time when he wants.

I think I have worked out what neccessities I need without hoarding, Clothes and shoes wise I think I now know, I dont need lots of things I really dont. I just need to be smart with my items. So lots to ebay.

I have been very lucky, I truly have and I am very lucky now, I just need to remember this, I need to stop feeling sorry for myself.

I need to start planning my weeks again, I have been bad and have been using my car a little too much, so need to stop that again. Its just where I havent been organised and have been feeling down so its now time to start again and be prepared. I am facing things head on!

Meals havent really been an issue as I have been keeping on top of the food shopping. which is something for me to be proud of. I havent been doing that much overtime as mentally I just havent been able to but as of Monday I will be back on top of it again and doing it. Its very important I do.

Well the sun is shining so I am off to do some bits. Thank you all so much for your support. xxx