Nearly 30, in debt, lost and nervous! I need to change.

Lost_and_nervous

Well not so new as this is what I have been trying to do all this time but for some reason today feels different, I have woken up feeling different, not sure if its the medication truly working or if its the ultimate lightbulb moment but I just feel different. I am tired but I need to work through it.

Everything will be planned and thought about logically, everything will be jotted down on rough at the moment until I get myself planned properly.

Everyday I need to list at least 2 items on ebay, I cant do this mammouth listing, and the sending, its too much for me at the moment so I need to do it steadily.

i need to do it this time, far too long talking about it, I need to do it now, Its going to take a lot of determination but I need to do it, I need to sit down take a deep breath then jump up and do it! Every last penny will be accounted for, every last second will be accounted for and NO ONE is going to get in my way or get me down. I am fed up of it, I want to be an achiever. And I will be a success. Time to change, time to work hard and time to keep motivated.

xxx

Lost_and_nervous

I am sitting here, with a cuppa, DD having a nap, OH out, and thinking where should I go from here. Well I am going to continue with my new approach to my new look on life. I went out for a run this morning, its raining but it feels so good to have some time to myself, to focus, to breath in the fresh air and to do something which will help me to feel good.

I had a productive day yesterday, housework, sorting through a few bits. Its hard work I find, and the bad side of me is saying sit down, just watch tv but I know I need to work through and do what i want to achieve.

I am trying to stay away from lists, I just think they cause me too much headache, too much pressure and too much anxiety.

Free listing weekend so am going to list a couple of bits today and a couple of bits tomorrow, bits that I dont really want to get rid of but I could do with the money which is my aim, to make as much money as possible.

I know that at the moment my diary is a little of the same negative going on but its all to help clear my head and help me move forward.

Even though I can feel the nervous anxious tensions inside, I know that I need to work through them and really make a difference and change. I know that its my challenge, and its going to make me stronger.

I need to not overload myself and I need to just try my best.

Thank you all xxx

beverleyhills

S&N

Well done on the run, remember a brisk walk will still get the endorphins working and be kinder to the joints.

Lost_and_nervous wrote: »

I had a productive day yesterday, housework, sorting through a few bits. Its hard work I find, and the bad side of me is saying sit down, just watch tv but I know I need to work through and do what i want to achieve.

Reward your hard work with planned breaks whether it is watching a live or recorded TV program of choice or a cup of coffee etc.

I am trying to stay away from lists, I just think they cause me too much headache, too much pressure and too much anxiety.

The rule is one list only; large tasks are broken down into smaller tasks on the same list.

I know that at the moment my diary is a little of the same negative going on but its all to help clear my head and help me move forward.

Your diary is positive; rid your self of negative thoughts by replacing it with positive thoughts.

Even though I can feel the nervous anxious tensions inside, I know that I need to work through them and really make a difference and change. I know that its my challenge, and its going to make me stronger.

DON'T BEAT YOUSELF UP.

Lost_and_nervous

beverleyhills wrote: »

S&N

Well done on the run, remember a brisk walk will still get the endorphins working and be kinder to the joints.

Thank you for your kind and true words, you are very right and breaking it down like that has definately given me food for thought.

Hope you are ok. Thank you again. xxx

Lost_and_nervous

Sitting here, with a coffee, out of the way of OH, having some time to myself watching a cookery program and its made me hungry. Anyway back to more pressing things, MY NEW OUTLOOK.

This week is going to be a busy fresh one. I have a review at my drs this week which in a funny way, I am looking forward to, I dont know why but I am, I think its so nice to actually speak to someone who can help me move forward medically with the depression and the rest is down to me.

This week nothing is going to get me down or stop me from achieving, I am going to work, I am going to face it head on and work hard. I havent been the hardest worker up until now but from now on its going to be different. If I want to get anywhere I need to work hard. Normal working hours and overtime will be completed to the best of my ability.

Home life - I have had enough of no energy and being dragged down by a certain OH - if he doesnt want to help me or work as a team then thats down to him, he can treat it as a glorified hotel, thats fine but dont expect to get the emotions, I have other things to be pressing on with! And thats sorting it all out! Making it into my sanctuary and a wonderful fun home for DD.

Being mum - I have been blessed with DD and she is my everything so what more than working hard to do the best by her and enjoying everything with her.

Debts - I am going to deal with them - slowly but surely I am going to deal with them!!!

Thank you all xxx

girlatplay

Hi Lost

Sorry for being AWOL for a few days. Just work internet been a nightmare and home life having some ups and downs at the moment.

I have loved reading the past few days of your diary You are sounding so much better. It is a slow process but you will get there. I love that you are finding a little time for yourself every now and then.

Where would we be without our DD's? Little Miss is my rock. She doesn't even know it!

Love and hugs xx

Lost_and_nervous

girlatplay wrote: »

Hi Lost

Sorry for being AWOL for a few days. Just work internet been a nightmare and home life having some ups and downs at the moment.

I have loved reading the past few days of your diary You are sounding so much better. It is a slow process but you will get there. I love that you are finding a little time for yourself every now and then.

Where would we be without our DD's? Little Miss is my rock. She doesn't even know it!

Love and hugs xx

Hope you are ok and everything is settling down? Thinking of you.

Thank you so much for your kind words, it means so much to me. And everyday is feeling slightly easier.

I really dont know where we would be without our DD's. They are such amazing girls.

Love and hugs to you too and hope you are ok xxx

Lost_and_nervous

The weather is awful but i am trying so hard to not let it rain inside. Saw the dr this week to have a check on my progress, is pleased how I am presenting now. I received another perscription for the medication and need to go back in a few weeks to have the questionnaire completed. I feel I am getting slightly better, I feel more able.

Have had a busy week at work, still so much work to catch up on but its a working progress so thats all i can do.

Ebay has been a disaster but I will get there soon, I am sure I will. I know I will. I have so much to list but its focusing on doing it which I am struggling to do. But I will get there.

Must keep positive and working towards achieving my challenges. I have been cleaning alot more which in turn has made me feel better about the house. Not had very much time to myself this week but dont worry I will!! I know the importance of it and I will get there and have some time this week.

OH - well he has been a little nicer to me. The guard is still up but as long as he is nicer then that makes it easier to be in the same room as him. :rotfl:

Well off for now. Thank you all xxx

girlatplay

Can you believe you have been on your DMP for 7 months now?! Oh how time flies.

Remember, you don't have to be a perfect person. I actually don't like ebaying stuff so I don't do it

I do quite like cleaning once I get in to it :cool: and the cleaner the place gets, the better I feel

xx

Lost_and_nervous

girlatplay wrote: »

Can you believe you have been on your DMP for 7 months now?! Oh how time flies.

Remember, you don't have to be a perfect person. I actually don't like ebaying stuff so I don't do it

I do quite like cleaning once I get in to it :cool: and the cleaner the place gets, the better I feel

xx

Its crazy isnt it, when I think back to how I felt before the DMP started, all the phone calls and the worry everyday, how wonderful it feels that I am paying my creditors.

You are right, I just want to be a better person. And yes it does make you feel better when its cleaner.

Hope you and little miss are ok xx