Friend's partner is moving his ex in

lauren_1

Well its her house too, she has exactly the same rights to tell her to leave.

If it was my house she wouldn't have made it passed the welcome mat.

meritaten

lizzylugs wrote: »

So you would be perfectly happy for your OH to move his ex in to your home?

Yes. Because I KNOW my OH! and funnily enough I know all his ex-girlfriends too! one of them lives right across the road from us. nice woman but her OH is an A**E! another we see down the local pub, also a nice woman with a nice OH. his other serious girlfriend we dont see as she moved away, but I remember her as a very quiet shy person. (My OH has good taste in women!). I havent seen her in maybe ten or twelve years, but if she phoned him and he said she was staying for a while - then I would trust that she needed his help and would help her too.

If this makes me wierd then so be it.

lookingforsun

meritaten wrote: »

Yes. Because I KNOW my OH! and funnily enough I know all his ex-girlfriends too! one of them lives right across the road from us. nice woman but her OH is an A**E! another we see down the local pub, also a nice woman with a nice OH. his other serious girlfriend we dont see as she moved away, but I remember her as a very quiet shy person. (My OH has good taste in women!). I havent seen her in maybe ten or twelve years, but if she phoned him and he said she was staying for a while - then I would trust that she needed his help and would help her too.

If this makes me wierd then so be it.

This certainly does not makr you weird at all - but still you fail to see a glaring difference... that your OH is friendly eith his exes, whereas my friends OH had an acrimonious breakup.. You also know them!

lookingforsun

The ex went round and talked to my friend last night (she hasn't moved in yet, but my friend was worried that she would stay up late talking with her OH).

The reason she gives for not wanting to move into the hostel, is that she is a recovering alcoholic, and there are people who drink in the hostel. The reason she gave for not wanting family or friends involved, is that they have helped her out a lot already, both financially, and with emotional stuff, and she doesn't want to impose on them further.

She lost her home, as she used the rent money (some of it lent by her friends) to buy alcohol; this is also the reason her daughter is staying with her dad.

She's told the council that she won't be accepting the hostel place, and they *allegedly* told her that she would be rehoused in less than a month.

I know that this is not true... she owes a lot of rent & you CANNOT be rehoused until the rent arrears are cleared (even if evicted you still owe the money)... so this is a blatant lie. I also checked on the council's housing application form online, and found that if you are staying with a friend, then you are not considered as a high a priority as in a hostel & are classed as overcrowding only.
My friend is also worried as they get some of housing benefit & she doesn't want this to be affected

Bloomin_Freezing2

So she doesn't want to impose on friends or family but it's ok for her to impose on your friend!!? The ex is trouble waiting to happen. Once she's moved in I bet it'll be tough to get her out, the housing list will suddenly increase, she'll be stuck with your friend and her OH or 'on the streets'.

This needs to be stopped right in its tracks now! I wish you friend luck, she's going to need it!

the_cat

Oh even better!

Not only does he want to ship in his ex, despite his partners feelings, for whatever motive ............ it now transpires that said ex is a recovering alcoholic who doesn't trust herself around people who drink, she has already exhausted the help of those close to her (they are all probably all sick of her and said no) and has no way of getting housing due to previous problems with the council

Plus the family will either be out of pocket or forced to commit benefit fraud!

A leach and a user - under no circumstances should she even be let in for a cup of tea and a chat

meritaten

perhaps I am seeing this from a different perspective. If I had a 14 yr old daughter and had been made homeless from being unable to pay the rent (now I wonder what led up to that?), then I certainly wouldnt subject her to a homeless hostel, so would refuse that pointblank (and for myself). has anyone any idea what sort of people live there? lets see, ex-cons, druggies, mentally disturbed...........I wonder if the people who thought that this woman who should have taken her daughter to live there have ever set foot in one? Or would themselves? never mind LIVE there!
I find much of the advice on this thread of the male-bashing variety. oh its an ex so he must be a right !!!!!!! perhaps your friends OH is just a caring person? has that occured to anyone?
I particularly liked the irony in one post which advised the OPs friend to pack up and leave..........and go where? a homeless hostel, womens refuge, or to a 'friends' house?

your friends OH and this woman may well have had an acrimonious break up - doesnt mean that the man would see this woman suffer - he may be helping her the way he would help any woman in trouble.

I think your friend however, should not go off to bed and leave them to talk - she needs to be clued in as to the trouble this woman is in! and a sobbing woman is hard for a man to resist (I am not COMPLETELY stupid). leaving them alone and not knowing what exactly is going on is very silly!

the_cat

meritaten


I think the fact that it is an ex is a red herring tbh. Now they are in contact again if her OH is going to go off the rails with this woman it will happen anyway

I understand the point you are making. However the fact is that the mother of a young baby has to think about the right thing to do for HER OWN family. I cannot think of a single upside to her or her family to taking on this woman/ her daughter and all her problems.

It may be harsh but that does not make it less true

balletshoes

heres the thing though, theres a young baby in the home which the OPs friend is looking after, yes? So I'd imagine its going to be almost impossible for her to stay up late night after night with her OH and this ex while she talks it out.

I just can't imagine anyone asking me to do this - the whole set-up sounds odd to me. She has family and closer friends, she's not been in contact with the OH for ages and she just turns up and wants to stay?

*Louise*

meritaten wrote: »

If I had a 14 yr old daughter and had been made homeless from being unable to pay the rent (now I wonder what led up to that?), then I certainly wouldnt subject her to a homeless hostel, so would refuse that pointblank (and for myself). has anyone any idea what sort of people live there? lets see, ex-cons, druggies, mentally disturbed...........I wonder if the people who thought that this woman who should have taken her daughter to live there have ever set foot in one? Or would themselves? never mind LIVE there!

Apparently the 14 year old is already staying with her father so she wouldn't have been going into the homeless accommodation anyway.


She allegedly spent her rent money on alcohol, if that is true, then I hate to point out the obvious but she is responsible for her own situation.

Her family should be the first people she turns to for help, not her ex who is now settled with a partner and young child.