Friend's partner is moving his ex in

podperson

Something sounds extremely dodgy about this. This woman has been offered temporary accomodation but doesn't want to take it, has family and friends but doesn't want to bother them and instead would rather turn up on the doorstep of someone she hasn't seen for years and impose on them and their family. I think your friend (and possibly her partner as well) are definately not getting the full story.
Your friend is completely justified in being upset by this. How would her partner feel is she decided her ex-boyfriend could come and stop with them for a while without telling him? If it was me I would definately telling him that if this woman moved in then I would be moving out.

sjc3

I wouldn't be saying if the ex came to stay I would be moving out, if I were your friend.

What she wants to say is "if you dont tell your ex she cant stay then you can move out dear"

Your friend should stay put with the baby and her partner can clear off if he cant get his priorities straight.

FBaby

Tropez wrote: »

If it were an absolute last resort and had been discussed by both partners, then I could understand it - although it would hardly be ideal. I certainly wouldn't want any of my ex's to live in a cardboard box when I have a perfectly adequate shed.

But it isn't a last resort, nor were it discussed. Your friend is right to be angered by this situation.

I agree with this, what is shocking is that he didn't feel the need to discuss it with his partner. Ex, and one he might still have feelings for aside, it is still a total lack of respect to invite someone to stay over without consulting the other person sharing the family home with. If my partner did this, i would be very angry, if it was his ex, he would sharing her cardboard on the street!

lookingforsun

Thank you all for your comments, I told my friend when she phoned. She said that he keeps saying that he is "nice guy" and wants to help people - he told her that he couldn't not help his ex, not because he has feelings for her, but because he'd help anyone in trouble. I said to her that if he really was a nice guy - then surely her feelings should come first... why does it matter if he's nice to her or not? Unless he likes her, or has some obligation that my friend doesn't know. Otherwise, she should be out of their lives for good, so what she thinks about him shouldn't matter a jot

sjc3

Your friend is the one in trouble here.

Her partner is either a bit of a dunce and incredibly naive or manipulative and choosing to ignore his partners feelings in preference to his own. I suspect the latter.

What a nightmare when you have a young baby with someone.

tesuhoha

lookingforsun wrote: »

Thank you all for your comments, I told my friend when she phoned. She said that he keeps saying that he is "nice guy" and wants to help people - he told her that he couldn't not help his ex, not because he has feelings for her, but because he'd help anyone in trouble. I said to her that if he really was a nice guy - then surely her feelings should come first... why does it matter if he's nice to her or not? Unless he likes her, or has some obligation that my friend doesn't know. Otherwise, she should be out of their lives for good, so what she thinks about him shouldn't matter a jot

He's not being nice at all. He's being extremely nasty by moving in his ex-girlfriend without any consultation with his present one. The whole experience will be extremely unpleasant with a strange woman sleeping in her child's bedroom and who knows she may be walking around in her underwear, leaving a mess in the bathroom, eating all the food etc. As well as this feeding another adult will be expensive and the couple will have no privacy.

He sounds like an extremely nasty man to inflict all this on his partner. I would hate him for it if I was her.

the_cat

lookingforsun wrote: »

She said that he keeps saying that he is "nice guy" and wants to help people - he told her that he couldn't not help his ex, not because he has feelings for her, but because he'd help anyone in trouble.

A 'nice guy' puts his partner and child first. So he isn't that!

He is either stupid in the extreme or not bothered that this could signal the end of their relationship... I have to wonder what their relationship is like other than this and what his motive is for such extreme behaviour?

TBH he sounds like he is used to making all the decisions whilst ignoring her feelings (bully?) and your friend I'm afraid is acting like a doormat to have not already TOLD him in no uncertain terms to either shape up or ship out

sashadesade

They haven't spoken in years and she turns up asking to move in with him, his partner and their baby? Any right-thinking person would tell her to get lost. Clearly she knows she can still sucker her ex in to doing what she wants and is taking advantage of it. His willingness to agree without any consideration for his current partner is the most alarming thing of all. There's no way it can end well - I'd be packing up and leaving there and then.

the_cat

sashadesade wrote: »

They haven't spoken in years and she turns up asking to move in with him, his partner and their baby?

Am I the only one who doubts that this is really the truth? It seems much more likely to me that it is some story they have come up together and they have been in regular contact recently

amersall

the_cat wrote: »

Am I the only one who doubts that this is really the truth? It seems much more likely to me that it is some story they have come up together and they have been in regular contact recently

Ditto! that is just what i was thinking...