Friend's partner is moving his ex in

Emmzi

I wouldn't get involved or offer an opinion at all. Somebody else's can of worms...

paddedjohn

If i tried to move my ex (he is still sha**ing her) into my house i would be bin bagged faster than the buffet at a weightwatchers party. Fact.

liney

My baby, my husband, my house. I'd tell her quietly, she wasn't welcome, she was leaving right now, and that I would be sure to tell my DH that she had found alternative accomadation and thank him on her behalf. Of course she is very welcome to go and tell him that I am throwing her out and see if he would like to go and sleep at the hostle with her, but she would only be embarassing herself.

I would then study my husband's reaction very carefully...

Mojisola

MrsTine wrote: »

OP - I agree that your friend shouldn't stand for having ANYONE - ex or not - moved into her home and sanctuary without consultation and agreement.

This is where the fault lies - he didn't even discuss it with her before agreeing to the arrangement.

KittyKate

When is the ex due to move in? I'd have OH's bags packed for him the night before - they can go down the hostel together

I have a three week old and I get stressed when we have visitors for a few hours never mind an unwelcome permanent house guest in the form of a partner's ex! This woman might be desperate but since her 14 year old can stay with her dad can't the ex stay there too? They have a child together after all. Your friend's partner shares and owes nothing to this woman. If he wants to be a saint, have him donate money, time or food to the local shelter, which helps genuinely homeless people who are truly in need, and not choosing to turn down accommodation and the support of their friends and family for reasons unknown.

euronorris

meritaten wrote: »

am I the only one thinking that this woman is absolutely desperate? there may be a good reason why she doesnt want to go to local womens shelter? she may know her partner knows where it is. also a damn good reason she doesnt want to go to her family? your partner is helping her.....that may well be all she wants. why dont you listen to her and your partner and try to help? it sounds as if you have distanced yourself and you dont want to know her reasons.

She could be absolutely desparate, or maybe she's just playing games. Either way, she is not the OP's (or the OP's OH) responsibility.

So, if the OP does not want her there, she doesn't have to have her there. Certainly not just imposed on her, without any prior consultation.

My OH has an ex, who even now (3 and half years into our relationship), tries to think up ways for them to meet up etc. He is the one most likely to not want her to stay, tbh. Even so, if she arrived on our doorstep asking for help, she'd receive it. But, it would be in the form of a train fare to Utrecht where a mutual female friend lives who has the space and the desire to accomodate her. Hell, I'd even get the train with her if she didn't want to go alone.

The only time she would be welcome in our flat is if it was past midnight and absolutely desparate, even then I'd probably have to convince OH to let her stay for one night before shipping her off to the friend in Utrecht the next day.

Just had a think though, how does this ex know the OP's address? I know my OH's ex doesn't know ours. I don't even think she knows what city we live in.

*Louise*

KittyKate wrote: »

When is the ex due to move in? I'd have OH's bags packed for him the night before - they can go down the hostel together

.

I gathered it had already happened as the OP said that the womans OH was now staying up late to chat with the ex after the woman had gone to bed.

So obviously the OP's friend isn't able to stand up for herself and is being walked over by her OH and is sitting back accepting her treatment, and it's the OP who is pointing out that the situation is wrong and she shouldn't have to put up with it.

vroombroom

I'd tell your chum to grow a set and tell the ex to leave. Its her house, her baby and her man!:money:

Apricot

meritaten wrote: »

am I the only one thinking that this woman is absolutely desperate? there may be a good reason why she doesnt want to go to local womens shelter? she may know her partner knows where it is. also a damn good reason she doesnt want to go to her family? your partner is helping her.....that may well be all she wants. why dont you listen to her and your partner and try to help? it sounds as if you have distanced yourself and you dont want to know her reasons.

Not anybody's problem but her own im afraid. If she has problems with ex partner what's to say they wouldn't bring trouble if they found out where she was now? Sorry but I wouldn't be putting my baby in that situation.

OP your friend needs to grow a pair, seriously!

Kay_Peel

Once inside the door and with her backside firmly esconced on the sofa, the interloper isn't going to go anywhere in a hurry. Your friend only has one side of a story as to why the woman has been made homeless - but there could be other reasons why she wants to lay low for a while.


It is outrageous that a stranger ex should be moved in, without any consultation whatsoever and with scant information about the timescales for her leaving. The question is - how to recover it.

I'd do it two ways:

1. Tell the woman she's not welcome and has 48 hours to get herself a hostel place. Say that you'll have to charge her for food and other bills.

2. Give OH an ultimatum - "she goes or I go" - and mean it. Walk out after 48 hours have expired and don't go back until she's gone.

What a flippin' cheek that OH and his ex have!