How much drink???

Pee

The really important thing here is that he has told you he is not going to change. So now it's your move.

I've tried to change an alcoholic who told me he wanted to change, and failed, and wouldn't try again, no matter how much someone wanted to change. Believe me, even if he really wanted to it'd be a struggle.

jakem_2

I really sympathise with you as you have children, I didnt, he was my second husband, and we had been married 11 years, and silly fool me kept thinking things will get better, and before I knew it 11 years had gone by, and I am still in the same situation.:eek:

What was the turning point for me was I did some cleaning for a retired lady as a favour to my friend who was ill, she asked me to step in for her for the 2 hours cleaning, which I did.
The woman whose cleaning I did was 65 and retired, her husband was also retired, and was at the pub lol

I dont know why but this woman started telling me about her life with him, ie he does nothing but go to the pub or sit infront of the TV, jobs need doing but he wont do them, she described my EX but 20 odd years older.
This woman was disabled and was left on her own quite a lot cause her husband was always out either at the pub or down the allotment, they never went anywhere together, plus he never lifted a finger.

It was like a light bulb came on in my head, I could see me as this woman in 20 odd years still whinging, stressed and god knows what else, it definately gave me food for thought about what I was going to do.
So I approached OH again and asked him to do more around the house, dont go to the pub as much, do things together, and it fell on deaf ears, so I knew then without a doubt that this man would never change, and I had to change and make the decision.

jakem_2

Caroline_a wrote: »

Anyone who can drink that amount of alcohol and function has a problem. Jakem - your ex was an alcoholic, he was just a functioning one!

You know Caroline I never thought of it like that, as to me 2 pints is nothing, but I suppose when you have to go out for those 2 pints every day and more at the weekend then of course he has to be an alcoholic, when I think back to when we did pop out on a sat morning to the garden centre or B&Q, I would notice by 10.30 he was getting itchy feet, and rushing everything, or he would cut the grass, but he would'nt even strim as time was getting on and he will do it tomorrow :eek:

I never actually put it down to he had to get out for a drink, part of my stupid naivety at the time thought its a routine that he goes out every weekend, and he is getting edgy cause he is still in doors.

You have switched another light bulb on in my head

Devi

I really do sympathise - my soon to be ex husband was the same - he didn't think he had a problem because he managed to function, ie hold down his job, on a daily basis.

You need to talk to him face to face and if he isn't willing to listen/change then you have to consider leaving him.

I know this is easier said then done but it sounds like you are functioning well without him anyway and if he isn't giving you the emotional or practical support when you need him the most, then things are unlikely to improve.

MrsE_2

euronorris wrote: »

Well, I did think about that possibility, but I don't think that sitting and waiting in a cab can be tiring. Boring, yes, but it's no more tiring than sitting in an office, for example.

But, I get your point that he could be sitting around waiting for jobs, rather than earning fares the whole time..

Hanging around while working is as tiring as working.

But I agree totally with your points about money.

split_second

one of my friends used to drink at that sort of rate.

i say used to, what i mean is he used to be one of my friends, he took a job running a pub so we all decided he wanted to be around what he loved the most

djdido2

Funny that is how he started out, running pubs, thats where he has got a taste for the ale. The people who run the pub love him and he is a very popular figure there but I have calculated that he spends around £80-£100 PER WEEK in there, no wonder they love him, he is keeping them in business and is just ONE CUSTOMER (Eekkk!!!):eek:

Kay_Peel

It's just a question of time before someone he knows or another taxi/private hire operator tips off the police that he is regularly unfit to drive through drink. The cumulative effect of that intake (and a liver that will probably struggle to process all that alcohol) is that he will ALWAYS have alcohol in his bloodstream. If there were random breath-testing by the licensing authority, he'd fail - especially on a Monday. Taxi drivers accept that they oughtn't to drive paying passengers within 48 hours of a skinful. How long before he loses his livelihood?

What will happen to his family then?

I don't believe him when he says that work is slow and there is nothing much to show for it at the end of the day. I think he's hiding how much of the family's money he is peeing up against a wall.

Good luck!

supermaiden

This has made me think of a family member of ours. After work he can always be found at the pub. He drinks until bedtime, 7 days a week. He got on very well with the pub staff, so much so that they even bought him a birthday cake!! I think if the pub owners buy you a cake you are definitely spending too much time there lol! The sad thing is, apart from that he continues to spend his time at the pub every day, he recently was contacted by his first born child who wanted to meet and he and his other kids have only met her in pubs/clubs. Im sure she doesnt realise why yet quite sad really.

euronorris

MrsE wrote: »

Hanging around while working is as tiring as working.

But I agree totally with your points about money.

Maybe it varies from person to person then. When I have to hang around, I get fidgety, like I have too much energy. And cannot wait for the moment when I can get on and do something again.