How much drink???

balletshoes

djdido2 wrote: »

He would not drive the children around, works 7 days a week all hours and is never ever at home. I have to text him to challenge him, pathetic I know but he is never ever around these days. He has always liked a drink yes but its getting to me now because I feel like I am doing everything. I work full time and pay all the bills and buy all the food. He contributes by giving my daughter money for school and buys take aways all the time to save me cooking. (So embarrasing to admit that) He claims he has money aside for all the big jobs that need doing in the house ie new bathroom, kitchen and loft conversion but I will beleive it when I see it.

I am challenging him by text and he has basically said he can do what he wants as he is old enough to!!! We never do things as a family. Its me that takes the kids places when I feel up to it these days asI am perma exhausted in the early stages of pregnancy.

This is going from bad to worse isn't it???

yes it is, and to be honest if he hasn't sorted out his priorities in your and your kids' favour by now, its really not looking hopeful he will now or anytime soon. Not on his own anyway - but you have to take some of the blame too if you've allowed him to have all of his earnings as pocket money while you have the responsibility of paying all the family bills! I'm not excusing him at all by the way - he's being an a**e.

dearbarbie

yeah, what a selfish *******

djdido2

Yes I am not perfect and I am too blame. But he claims he is not earning lots. Every day he says he has hardly earned anything and its been quiet. His logic is that he pays for the big projects on the house but the ball hasn't even started rolling on any of that yet.

I am so glad I put this here though as I needed an outside impartial opinion. I do love the guy but not enough to put up with this and be treated like crap forever. I have a baby on the way so I suppose I am just scared of the prospect of how I will cope without him.

Good advice to get someone round to chat but I need someone who does not know him as every member of my huge family hate him with a passion because of his arrogance and selfishness.

jinky67

djdido2 wrote: »

Good advice to get someone round to chat but I need someone who does not know him as every member of my huge family hate him with a passion because of his arrogance and selfishness.

That really should tell you something:cool:

balletshoes

djdido2 wrote: »

Yes I am not perfect and I am too blame. But he claims he is not earning lots. Every day he says he has hardly earned anything and its been quiet. His logic is that he pays for the big projects on the house but the ball hasn't even started rolling on any of that yet.

I am so glad I put this here though as I needed an outside impartial opinion. I do love the guy but not enough to put up with this and be treated like crap forever.
I have a baby on the way so I suppose I am just scared of the prospect of how I will cope without him.

Good advice to get someone round to chat but I need someone who does not know him as every member of my huge family hate him with a passion because of his arrogance and selfishness.

heres the thing though - you already are coping without him. He does nothing for you or the kids, he doesn't look after you or spend any time with any of you. If nothing else if you do decide to go it alone without him, you won't have his groceries/washing/ironing etc to do!

Caroline73_2

Everytime he drives over the limit he's at greater danger of killing someone than if he was sober. Tell him you will call the police if you suspect he is over the limit next time he does it. In my opinion I think anyone who allows a drunk driver to drive is as bad as the driver themselves.

You cannot make him stop so you need to decide what you want from your relationship. It's a hard enough time for you but he isn't contributing to your family in any positive way. You need to decide on whether you want to continue with your relationship with an alcoholic indefinitely, he may never change, or whether you carry on with must your children.

djdido2

I have a mortgage that I pay. His name is not on it as I bought the house when he was not around. He never saw his son for years before we got back together. His Mother passed away and he literally begged me to give him a chance to have his son back in his life. We got back together within the snap of a finger (what was I thinking I really don't know as I am self sufficient and not scared of being alone) he has so far taken my son swimming ONCE!!!!

Where can I get my head tested???

I am worried more for the future alone. My contract at work runs out in June and I am convinced it will not be renewed if they find out I am pregnant. How would I pay a mortgage on my own if I have no Job. Everything is a mess. I wish I had never got pregnant now and everything would be ok.

Sosdon

I am not one for ultimatums , but the bloke is acting incredibly selfish taking into account the circumstances you are in.
A long talk then shown the door would be way of dealing with it , if he doesn't stop this way of life , well that's his choice but you shouldn't have to live life like this..

djdido2

Caroline73 wrote: »

Everytime he drives over the limit he's at greater danger of killing someone than if he was sober. Tell him you will call the police if you suspect he is over the limit next time he does it. In my opinion I think anyone who allows a drunk driver to drive is as bad as the driver themselves.


I never thought of that, have alot on my plate at the moment and never crossed my mind to actually pick the phone up and call the police because he is driving over the limit. HE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS STUPIDITY NOT ME. but I will be telling him this one. Perfect, but he wont belieive that I will do it as I am not confident like that and he knows it. He knows I would be scared to death of getting him in serious trouble.

Mrs_P_Pincher

"Sounds to me like an alcohol and childish man problem, one who doesnt want to take adult responsibilities"

I think the two go together. it's all about abdicating responsibility.

The reward business sounds like the typical justification of someone who is alcohol dependent. It's on a par with the rubbish my ex used to come out with. They always have a "good" reason to have a drink and once you start bargaining with him you will be lost.

I remember trying to bargain with mine that he wouldn't drink in the run up to our baby's birth in case he had to take me to hospital at night. No chance. There was always a reason why he had to. If I had gone into labour at night I would have had to go to hospital by ambulance and leave my 6 year old DD alone with a man who was drunk. That's some choice.

This isn't going to go away. He won't suddenly turn into the perfect partner and Dad. Having lived with a suicidal, violent, alcoholic for ten years, I'd say ask him to leave, but you won't do that unless or until you're ready.

Good luck

Mrs P P