How much drink???

balletshoes

djdido2 wrote: »

I have a mortgage that I pay. His name is not on it as I bought the house when he was not around. He never saw his son for years before we got back together. His Mother passed away and he literally begged me to give him a chance to have his son back in his life. We got back together within the snap of a finger (what was I thinking I really don't know as I am self sufficient and not scared of being alone) he has so far taken my son swimming ONCE!!!!

Where can I get my head tested???

I am worried more for the future alone. My contract at work runs out in June and I am convinced it will not be renewed if they find out I am pregnant. How would I pay a mortgage on my own if I have no Job. Everything is a mess. I wish I had never got pregnant now and everything would be ok.

everything wouldn't have been ok, he'd still be an arrogant alcoholic a**ehole.

you don't know your contract won't be renewed yet, and even if it is, so what? You can look for a new job instead of returning to your old one after your maternity leave period. You have current workplace skills, you can transfer those skills to another job.
Check out what benefits you may be entitled to if worse comes to worse and you do get made redundant. Maybe if you see what the actual money/benefits situation would be, it would put your mind at ease a bit on the financial front? Loads of us are struggling financially these days, you certainly wouldn't be alone on that score.

Maz

From what you say, he shows all the signs of alcoholism. I come from a long line of alcoholics and their behaviours are similar! Denial/arrogance/blame etc. Please research this and protect yourself.

If his job as a taxi driver is 'quiet' where is he getting the money for the huge amounts of drink he pours down his neck? Are your finances as a family suffering?

Almost hate to say this but would rather be honest. Unless he admits to his problem, gets help and stops drinking completely, you and your children are in for a life of misery. There is no way whatsoever it is your fault and don't let him try and convince you otherwise to distract you from the real cause of the problem, which is HIS drinking.

Best of luck and I truly hope you get this sorted.

euronorris

djdido2 wrote: »

Yes I am not perfect and I am too blame. But he claims he is not earning lots. Every day he says he has hardly earned anything and its been quiet. His logic is that he pays for the big projects on the house but the ball hasn't even started rolling on any of that yet.

I am so glad I put this here though as I needed an outside impartial opinion. I do love the guy but not enough to put up with this and be treated like crap forever. I have a baby on the way so I suppose I am just scared of the prospect of how I will cope without him.

Good advice to get someone round to chat but I need someone who does not know him as every member of my huge family hate him with a passion because of his arrogance and selfishness.

How can he be working every hour god sends and yet things are quiet? His logic is very flawed.

What about a chat with your GP?

Errata

djdido2 wrote: »

Yes have just re read that now I understand. Thought you meant him taking my kids to school but he has never ever done that in his life. He is of the old school type where he thinks this is a woman's job. I think he is hiding something (ie he owes money out or something) because he works all hours god sends. He tells me nothing. Hell knows i am questioning now why I am attracted to the guy as I am his total opposite. He has nothing to offer and yet I still want him in our lives. Don't even know why anymore!!!

But he's not in your lives is he? He sees more of the barmaid than he does of his family.

djdido2

Yes this is why I mentioned in a previous post that I think he is up to something (cannot put my finger on what as I work full time and was sometimes working at the weekend too until I discovered I was pregnant). Maybe gambling or he has debts accumulated from when we were not together?? I have thought something doesn't sit right for a while but have not been able to investigate due to work, kids etc.
I dont have any experience of alcholism whatsover so I suppose I am in denial myself but I am looking and researching into it as we speak. When I confront him he has this silly little tactic of reversing his problem and pointing out my flaws so it never gets resolved as I then start dwelling on my faults.

I am so very grateful for all your feedback each and every one of you. I needed to post here as I am just seeing the stereotypical alchoholic and not my partner. I am definitely inches away from an ultimatum.

somethingsgottogive

You say you don't know how you'll cope - but you have coped before with a baby and an older child, and this time you have a 14 year old daughter who I'm sure wouldn't begrudge helping out sometimes? As some one else said - you ARE already doing it alone anyway. This man sounds like he wouldn't be much use even if he were teetotal; He doesn't contribute emotional or financially and it sounds like he brings more misery to your life than joy. You deserve to feel happy, loved and supported and if he can't do this, he isn't the one for you!

You have maternity leave to find a new job if your contract isn't renewed, and possibly an option to take a break from mortgage payments if you get stuck?

I know it's an old cliche, but how are you going to feel when your daughter ends up with an arrogant and misogynistic man who would rather sit in a pub all night than be a father to her children? She's probably learning from you that it's ok to be a doormat and be disrespected, and it's NOT ok

Caroline_a

My ex had a drink problem. He would go for a drink after work (having finished early) and then drink until closing time. Sometimes this was a 10 hour session, and at around a pint an hour he was pretty steaming quite a lot of the time. In the early days when I realised it was a problem I used to do things to stop him drinking like make tea really early (text - your tea is ready in 5 mins) as he rarely drank after he'd eaten.

Now I see that i was fighting a losing battle. He would never admit to a problem and I couldnt solve it without his consent. I'm so much happier now, independent and self-sufficient. He, however, is unemployed, ill and lonely. Perhaps he should have listened, but too late now. You have to put yourself and the children first - because he won't.

sjc3

I find it concerning that a cab driver drinks so heavily. I know you mentioned that he doesn't appear drunk or slur his words. Regardless of all that, id be surprised if his alcohol consumption doesn't impair his judgement. Think he has been very lucky up till now not to have had an accident whilst in his cab.

With that kind of job for a living its not just his saftey to consider is it.

Maz

If I understand correctly, you are worried about how you'd cope if he wasn't part of your everyday life?

I can tell you this.

If he is an alcoholic and doesn't face his problem head on, get help,become dry and stay dry, yours and your children's lives will be hell on earth. It will only get worse. Sorry.

Jinx

My hubby used to drink 3-4 pints a night; had done it for years but in his case it was boredom as he worked away. I think one of the things that brought home the need to change was when we were out one night and he was driving (I was drinking and didnt drive at that time) - we were halfway home and I realised he'd matched me drink for drink and I'd had 3..... I was beyond livid and my daughter was in the car. I sat him down and told him in no uncertain terms it wouldnt/couldnt happen again. He knew I was serious and he was quite ashamed I think; he even apologised to my daughter for being stupid. He drinks much less now and I know hes not dependent on it. I think you need to decide what is acceptable for you and whats a deal breaker and tell him.