How much drink???

djdido2

My partner goes to the pub every night from work (as a treat for all his hard work) he calls it a quick pint but the reality is that it usually ends up three to four pints. On a Sunday (as a treat again for all his hard work) he goes to the pub around three to four o clock ish and drinks until the bell is rang. (Around half ten, eleven ish). He smirks when I point out that his Sunday drinking session covers around 10-15 pints of lager.

When he comes in and has his tea (he works odd hours as a Cab Driver) he cracks open a can and has around two to three per night). We are having arguments over this as I think he is dependent on it and it will be costing a bomb, but he says he will always do this and always has. What do others think??

At the moment I am pregnant and have just come out of hospital with a not serious but rather awful condition that has left me bed bound. He has done no food shopping and the kids had to stay with my Mother. On the way home from hospital his car was parked outside the pub, He would not drink and drive so gets a cab home too so that is costing even more!!! GRRRR hormones are all over the place.

Any suggestions???

ETA (The treat for all his hard work are HIS WORDS, not mine!!)

andy208833

Thats not healthy at all!! How does he drive the next day after a sunday session? Its about an hour per unit of alcohol so he may be over the limit next morning? Not very responsible at all with a child on the way, a family to support and you bed bound!!

Tell to grow up or ship out.

belfastgirl23

What I think is that if he's drinking at that level he could well end up in trouble for morning after drinking. Which would obviously be worrying for him if he's a cab driver.

And TBH I think if he's drinking this much this consistently then yes he does have a problem. Which you can't do anything about. Except stop tiptoeing around the issue. Make it plain to him that you think he has a drink problem and that you are taking this seriously. I wouldn't make it about money TBH since I think that's a symptom not a cause. But don't buy him drink, don't make it easy for him to drink and don't make excuses for him drinking. We all work hard, it doesn't mean we need to drink at this level.

If you feel you need additional support it's worth contacting alanon (the support group for partners of people with drinking problems)

Tropez

Some people have reported some success with tackling potential alcoholism in family members by offering a challenge. The deal is that the one with the alleged problem is to refrain from alcohol consumption for one week, with the money usually spent on alcohol to be put in a lockable piggy-bank or container. If the individual successfully completes the week with no problems (mood changes, aggressive behaviour, whining like a puppy etc.) then the challenger agrees not to nag about that person's drinking anymore. If, however, the person is incapable of completing the challenge easily, then it may help them realise that they do in fact have a problem.

Even if they do complete the challenge easily, seeing the amount of money they could have saved by not drinking so much can be a large enough incentive to cut down on alcohol consumption substantially.

The logic to the idea is that somebody can be an alcoholic even if they only consume a "small" amount of alcohol per day. Someone who, for instance, only drinks two pints a day would be considered an alcoholic in some circles if they need those two pints, but they would generally escape any notions of being an alcoholic because the consumption is comparatively minor. Many people assume an alcoholic drinks excessively on a consistent basis yet this may not always be the case.

euronorris

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

What I think is that if he's drinking at that level he could well end up in trouble for morning after drinking. Which would obviously be worrying for him if he's a cab driver.

And TBH I think if he's drinking this much this consistently then yes he does have a problem. Which you can't do anything about. Except stop tiptoeing around the issue. Make it plain to him that you think he has a drink problem and that you are taking this seriously. I wouldn't make it about money TBH since I think that's a symptom not a cause. But don't buy him drink, don't make it easy for him to drink and don't make excuses for him drinking. We all work hard, it doesn't mean we need to drink at this level.

If you feel you need additional support it's worth contacting alanon (the support group for partners of people with drinking problems)

I second this. I work hard too, but I don't reward myself with alcohol every night. TBH, that would only serve to make the next day harder!

I think you should contact alanon to help you figure out how you are going to deal with this, and if you can in the long term.

Good luck xx

dearbarbie

If he doesn't want to stop, nothing you can do can make him - does anything like this run in the family?

My Dad died earlier this year (I'm 29) from various illnesses caused by an unhealthy lifestyle then being in denial enough to not rectify the situation. As a child I asked him to stop smoking, and he used to shout at me to shut up - if only he'd have listened! Some people just think it will never happen to them, but it does, and this was a shock enough for me to cut down on my partying and lose a bit of weight.

If he stopped drinking so much, surely he could do more with the kids etc? I find that quite irresponsible as a father, and almost childish that he smirks at your - clearly he's not sure how to deal with your reaction or this situation.

Could he be depressed? Try to talk to him not about the drinking, but to see if there's an underlying issue?

djdido2

Well he has everybody fooled because in his eyes he has nowhere near a problem at all. He never ever appears drunk or unsteady on his feet, slurring etc so I feel he has done a good job of convincing me that he does NOT have a problem. I would try the see if you can manage a whole week without a drink but he has basically told me today that he calls for a PINT (its never just one pint) after work he always has and always will. He is arrogant in nature when sober so gonna be hard but I seriously want this sorting out. I am not tip toeing around the issue, I am addressing it and thats why I am here. I am also partly envious that I am not allowed any free time to reward myself for all my hard work.

podperson

I'm sorry but there's having a quick pint after a hard day (and that shouldn't really be every day!) and being more bothered about going to the pub then bringing your pregnant wife home from hospital!! Unfortunately I think you need to be a bit tougher with him and say that this is simply not acceptable and you aren't going to put up with it. It doesn't sound like you or the kids get any kind of quality time with him at the moment - and he should be making you his priority not the drink.

andrealm

djdido2 wrote: »

Well he has everybody fooled because in his eyes he has nowhere near a problem at all. He never ever appears drunk or unsteady on his feet, slurring etc so I feel he has done a good job of convincing me that he does NOT have a problem. I would try the see if you can manage a whole week without a drink but he has basically told me today that he calls for a PINT (its never just one pint) after work he always has and always will. He is arrogant in nature when sober so gonna be hard but I seriously want this sorting out. I am not tip toeing around the issue, I am addressing it and thats why I am here. I am also partly envious that I am not allowed any free time to reward myself for all my hard work.

Yes, if you weren't pregnant, I'd suggest you go to the pub for "a drink" to reward yourself for all your hard work and see how he likes it when you come back drunk several hours later;)

Isn't that what they call a functioning alcoholic, still able to do his job (although if he's driving the next morning he may well still be over the limit if he's had a lot to drink) and not slurring or seeming drunk.

Tell him there's a big difference between having a quick drink after work and having 3 or 4 pints every night after work AND a few cans after he comes home AND 10-15 pints on a Sunday. It really can't be good for him and must be costing a fortune.

And if you're in hospital, shouldn't he be looking after the kids himself ( at least when he's not working) instead of palming them off on your mum so he can go and get drunk

andrealm

Has he always drank so heavily, or has it just been more recently?

euronorris

djdido2 wrote: »

Well he has everybody fooled because in his eyes he has nowhere near a problem at all. He never ever appears drunk or unsteady on his feet, slurring etc so I feel he has done a good job of convincing me that he does NOT have a problem. I would try the see if you can manage a whole week without a drink but he has basically told me today that he calls for a PINT (its never just one pint) after work he always has and always will. He is arrogant in nature when sober so gonna be hard but I seriously want this sorting out. I am not tip toeing around the issue, I am addressing it and thats why I am here. I am also partly envious that I am not allowed any free time to reward myself for all my hard work.

You could still challenge him though (if you want to), by him saying that he's 'always had a pint after work, always have, always will' IS a sign of alcohol dependance. If he isn't dependant, he will be able to complete the challenge with ease, wouldn't he?

Appeal to his arrogant nature and challenge him to prove you wrong. If he won't accept the challenge, I would ask for a reason why and 'because I have always had a drink after work' is not a valid reason. In fact, it only serves to prove your point.

I can understand being envious. Does he think he is the only one who works hard, who gets tired or deserves a break? Have you challenged him on that front?