ex and holidays

Caroline73_2

rachbc wrote: »

I agree a trip to malaysia is a fantstic experience - but why at christmas and why the christmas he is due to spend with me? This is why it feel manipulative and deliberate. I wouldn't hesitate to let him go another time.

And more to the point why put his own son in a position of having to choose?

Maybe he doesn't want to take his son out of school?

Maybe it's not about you and he just wants to give his son these experiences. He's not thinking about what your DD likes, thats not his concern.

Gavin83

How old is your son btw?

newcook

I think you should let son go but tell ex that son will be staying with you the following xmas – no ifs or buts!

Im with the others who have said this is an amazing opportunity for your son – yes, you may feel that ex is playing manipulative and deliberate games but its for your son. You will only look the bad person if you say no to the trips because you don’t think its fair because its your ‘turn for xmas’.

Children are not things that parents get to have a ‘turn with’ and stamp their feet when things don’t go the way they want – be grateful that your ex wants to take your son on these trips and give him the experience of visiting different countries.

Have a special xmas with son the weekend before he goes away (DD will love this too as it means she will have 2 xmases!!)

shellsuit

thatgirlsam wrote: »

I don't think the child should be put in the position of 'choosing' between parents So he doesn't get a say in it? Stay at home for Christmas with Mum, or go on holiday with Dad? He's not choosing between parents, he would be choosing what to do for Christmas.

I do think it would be an amazing holiday and he would a fantastic experience Of course it would be, just not over Christmas.

Personally I couldn't deny my children the chance of going somewhere so fantastic at xmas, as much as it would break my heart not to be with them I could, especially as Dad would have already taken him away for 4 and a half weeks during the year.

Maybe its because its very unlikely I could provide them with the same sort of holiday myself

Its a minefield, thats for sure!

It's the OP's turn to have their child, so that should be the end of it.

She's already gone one step further and allowed the extra fortnight at summer and now he wants to not only take the child away again, but over Christmas when it is the OP's turn to have him.

2springers

I agree that children aren't posessions to be fought over. However, when parents have separated and agreements have been made via mediation then each parent does have their 'turns'.

It's great to be flexible with arrangements in order to do what suits everyone involved and what's best for the child concerned but agreements are made for a reason.

I think that if the childs father was posting here to say that his ex told him he had to reduce his time with his son in the summer because she was taking him on holiday and then went on to tell him that, although he didn't have his son last Christmas, he also couldn't have him this Christmas when he should because she was taking him away again..... the responses would be very different.

shellsuit

2springers wrote: »

I agree that children aren't posessions to be fought over. However, when parents have separated and agreements have been made via mediation then each parent does have their 'turns'.

It's great to be flexible with arrangements in order to do what suits everyone involved and what's best for the child concerned but agreements are made for a reason. Exactly!

I think that if the childs father was posting here to say that his ex told him he had to reduce his time with his son in the summer because she was taking him on holiday and then went on to tell him that, although he didn't have his son last Christmas, he also couldn't have him this Christmas when he should because she was taking him away again..... the responses would be very different.

I think so too!

thatgirlsam

shellsuit wrote: »

It's the OP's turn to have their child, so that should be the end of it.

She's already gone one step further and allowed the extra fortnight at summer and now he wants to not only take the child away again, but over Christmas when it is the OP's turn to have him.

It shouldn't be about the OP

It should be about the child, he is not a possession to be fought over with the parents taking 'turns'.. how childish!

I think its a very difficult situation, it is up to rach to decide what to do, but it will be tough whichever way it goes

I think its an amazing chance and it will open up more options for rach to book somewhere away another time as Dad will surely compromise his 'turn' if its for the benefit of his kid

rachbc

I'm not stamping my feet - if anyone is its ex - arranging holidays during a special time for me and my son - malaysia will still be there next christmas after all...I'm not the one putting ds in a position of having to choose - his dad is by arranging his holidays like this.

After discussing with dh I have decided that i will tell his dad he can have one or other holiday with ds not both - and that I that DS will spend next 2 christmases with us - and who knows I may plan a long break over christmas 2014 aswell!

thatgirlsam

2springers wrote: »

I agree that children aren't posessions to be fought over. However, when parents have separated and agreements have been made via mediation then each parent does have their 'turns'.

It's great to be flexible with arrangements in order to do what suits everyone involved and what's best for the child concerned but agreements are made for a reason.

I think that if the childs father was posting here to say that his ex told him he had to reduce his time with his son in the summer because she was taking him on holiday and then went on to tell him that, although he didn't have his son last Christmas, he also couldn't have him this Christmas when he should because she was taking him away again..... the responses would be very different.

I don't think mine would be different - I wouldn't care which parent was which.. Its not as if he wants to take his son to skegness for xmas .. its malaysia, the experience will be amazing

shellsuit

thatgirlsam wrote: »

It shouldn't be about the OP

It should be about the child, he is not a possession to be fought over with the parents taking 'turns'.. how childish!

I think its a very difficult situation, it is up to rach to decide what to do, but it will be tough whichever way it goes

I think its an amazing chance and it will open up more options for rach to book somewhere away another time as Dad will surely compromise his 'turn' if its for the benefit of his kid

Who said anything about fighting over him? It's you that keeps bringing that up, not me.

The OP and her ex have been taking turns, so are they childish?