ex and holidays

rachbc

I posted a while back that my ex wants to take our son away for 4 and half weeks fo the summer holidays. Our argreemnet from mediation is that he has a 2 week summer holiday - his taking this long holiday means son, dh, dd and I won't get a holiday together this year. however I agreed to son going.

Our christmas arrangements are that we alternate years, and the other parent has boxing day til new year. i have always stuck by this despite it meaning we can't go away at christmas as we have to get ds back for boxing day etc. However this coming christmas is 'my' turn and I have just had an email from ex saying he wants to take son to malaysia for 2 and half weeks mid dec til ater New Year.

I feel that because he got his way over the summer hol he is now taking the p!ss. Once again he is putting ds in the position of choosing between his 2 families - it was hard enough for him last time without the added thing of it being Christmas.

What can I/ should I do??

DON79

I think you should decline his request. State that you agreed extra holidays for summer over and above what the mediation agreed and that you would prefer to have your son at home at this time. It doesn't sound like he is acting fairly towards you and considering the whole effect on family, not just that he wants his son with him. Just say arrangements at xmas time are already set and that it will cause issues the following year about who should get to spend xmas day with your son since the last year was missed.

Surely though you and dh and dd can go on holiday together without your son when he is away with his father?

peachyprice

I think you should tell him that as you've already very kindly agreed to him having DS for longer than originally agreed in the summer it would be unfair for him to have him for 2.5 weeks over xmas aswell, it's either or. Suggest that perhaps next year he could take him away at xmas instead of summer.

rachbc

DON79 wrote: »

Surely though you and dh and dd can go on holiday together without your son when he is away with his father?

yes we wil it just means our only family holiday will be a long weekend in Oct and our dd adores her big bro so I won't be the same without him.

Caroline73_2

I'd be really pleased that my ex wanted to take my son away on holiday and give him those experiences.

thatgirlsam

But what a chance for your son! I would love to go to Malaysia

Thats an amazing holiday for him to go on.. all that sunshine in the winter too

Personally I would try to put my own feelings aside, its not easy but your son isn't an object to fight over (please don't take that the wrong way)

Also, if he wants to re-write the 'rules' then you will have the opportunity to take him away at Xmas another year?

rachbc

I agree a trip to malaysia is a fantstic experience - but why at christmas and why the christmas he is due to spend with me? This is why it feel manipulative and deliberate. I wouldn't hesitate to let him go another time.

And more to the point why put his own son in a position of having to choose?

shellsuit

He's taking the pish.

I'd say No as it's your Christmas to have him.

I couldn't bear my kids to be in a different country to me over Christmas.

thatgirlsam

rachbc wrote: »

I agree a trip to malaysia is a fantstic experience - but why at christmas and why the christmas he is due to spend with me? This is why it feel manipulative and deliberate. I wouldn't hesitate to let him go another time.

Maybe thats when your ex can get the time off work to go?

I do know how hard it is, I have 2 ex's to deal with

But I have often tried to put my own feelings aside, your son would have the time of his life!

If you wanted to could start to plan an amazing trip for the xmas after

shellsuit

thatgirlsam wrote: »

Maybe thats when your ex can get the time off work to go?

I do know how hard it is, I have 2 ex's to deal with

But I have often tried to put my own feelings aside, your son would have the time of his life!

If you wanted to could start to plan an amazing trip for the xmas after

He's already taking the child away for 4.5 weeks in the summer!

If Malaysia is all that, why not go there in the summer instead?


Doesn't the child get a say in this?

Does he want to stay at home (UK) while Christmas is happening, or go away to a foreign country where he will miss Christmas, because lets face it, Christmas isn't the same unless you're at home.




OP, I'd tell him that the summer for 4.5 weeks is a one off, and that all other times should be as arranged, so if he wants to take your son away to Malaysia, it will have to be for a week at New Year, or for a fortnight next summer.

thatgirlsam

shellsuit wrote: »

He's already taking the child away for 4.5 weeks in the summer!

If Malaysia is all that, why not go there in the summer instead?


Doesn't the child get a say in this?

Does he want to stay at home (UK) while Christmas is happening, or go away to a foreign country where he will miss Christmas, because lets face it, Christmas isn't the same unless you're at home.




OP, I'd tell him that the summer for 4.5 weeks is a one off, and that all other times should be as arranged, so if he wants to take your son away to Malaysia, it will have to be for a week at New Year, or for a fortnight next summer.

I don't think the child should be put in the position of 'choosing' between parents

I do think it would be an amazing holiday and he would a fantastic experience

Personally I couldn't deny my children the chance of going somewhere so fantastic at xmas, as much as it would break my heart not to be with them

Maybe its because its very unlikely I could provide them with the same sort of holiday myself

Its a minefield, thats for sure!