Drunken Partners ~ Feel So Upset

foreign_correspondent

my ex grew up with his dad getting drunk and peeing all over the place, including into his sleeping child's bed one night... sadly, although my ex was upset and disgusted by this behaviour, he ended up being not so different himself... he didn't urinate in the house, but drank too much regularly, and as a result his behaviour when drunk was appaling on many occasions.. once we had gone to meet a friend's new partner...my friend had met someone he was really keen on, I was looking forward to meeting her, but the evening ended up with the ex getting pickled, then falling asleep on the toilet with his trousers round his knees, then going outside and vomiting in their garden.

He also used to fall asleep on the sofa, I would try and move him, and quite often he would get quite nasty, so I ended up leaving him there... but there is no fun in social events when the evening ends up with you having to babysit a large and incapable drunk.

I am pretty sure my ex's attitude to alcohol would have been more healthy if he had not grown up with a dad with a drink problem... so please do be mindful of the impact of this sort of behaviour around children. Actually, I don't know why I'm telling you to be careful - you clearly know its innapropriate, but your partner needs to take responsibility for his own actions.

LillythePink

What about telling HIS mum?

Some people have said about telling your mum - but what is she going to do about it? It will just be the MIL nagging....now, if it was his mum having a go then it wouldn't be nagging would it?

Hope he does sort himself out - it's not the drinking, but his sleepwalking toilet habits - do like some of the suggestions though - pictures/cold water

sjc3

Crikey I dont blame you for feeling upset about this. I remember when I had 3 weeks to go with my daughter, this would have been the last thing I would have wanted to deal with.

As you quite clearly realise baby could come pretty much at anytime now. God forbid he get home in this state and you go into labour. As another poster pointed out he would not be allowed to be with you in that state. If he missed the birth it would be awful.

My husband and I had a real heart-to-heart the day before our daughter was born. She was early so we only just got everything out into the open in time. I hadn't realised how terrified he was of seeing me go through labour. Men try to stay strong and not worry us with their worries.

Have a chat with him and tell him how you feel. Go with the "you risk missing the birth" scenario and see how he takes it.

Do you have a waterproof mattress cover for your bed. I am thinking more for if your waters break in the middle of the night (like mine did) than hubby having an accident and not getting to the loo. Would save your matress though if he did.

I wish you luck OP. Do have that talk and get everything out into the open, you need rest, relaxation and peace of mind right now not stress

belfastgirl23

Well done for telling him it's unacceptable. But you've done this before and not followed through. So you need a plan of action next time it happens. My vote is the minute he comes home like this, up sticks and leave. You're 37 weeks pregnant, you need to be in a place where there is another responsible adult. So go to your mums or your friends. You don't have to say too much if you don't want to, just that you're trying to make a point to him about drinking. Let him wake up and find you gone and puddles all over the place, smell etc. And then let him come and find you. He needs to know this is serious!

Good luck!

pupsicola

You are way more tolerant than I would be in this situation OP. A grown man getting so legless that he doesn't know how to find the toilet is disgusting. Trust me you will spend enough time cleaning up after a little persons wee and (no2s) in the next few years. Dont be doing it for an adult.

My son was caught wizzing up a wall when we were staying in a caravan on holiday last year. He called out "Oh dear I am not in the loo" realising half way through that he had walked into a cupboard by mistake. He has never done it again either at home or away. I would tell your oh that either his act improves or you and baby ship out. Lets hope the joy and responsibility of becoming a dad bring him to his senses.

ailuro2

I used to live with someone who did this, when we worked it out, his shuffling steps when bladdered ( pardon the pun) were the same route as it was to the toilet from his room at his parent's house.

Didn't stop him doing it, just wondered if there was somewhere "safer" for him to sleep to get him to end up somewhere easier to clean up after himself.

I think this is very common, and I don't think telling his mates would make a difference - a man at work came in and told us he'd peed in his kids' toybox, luckily his wife had emptied it earlier in the day to put the teddies etc, though a wash... :eek: he was a little bit ashamed, but at the end of the day it made an amusing story to tell his workmates.:beer:

Once the baby arrives he might see the world a bit differently, fingers crossed yesterday was his big blowout... I know it's lying and devious, but it might help to fake some serious contractions/ make the Braxton hicks to be worse than they really are, just to give him a taste of what the real thing is going to be like... it might sink in then that 3 weeks is not long to go and he needs to be ready...

murphydog999

I agree that the baby might change his viewpoint. However, if my husband wants to go out with his mates and drink more than I think acceptable, he stays at his mates house, otherwise I couldn't deal with the snoring/arguments and whatever else occurs. If he does it at his mates houses, 1 he won't have any mates left, but 2, they would be more than willing to make sure he didn't get too drunk.

No longer your problem, if he still wants to go out and get wrecked.

suited-aces

Susan_Frost wrote: »

The only thing that would possibly cure him is if he becomes ashamed of it. And at the moment he isnt. You have not even told your mum. Have you told anyone ? Probably not, cos you are ashamed of him too. You must not clean up after him any more and if someone comes to your house and thinks there is a smell, just say, "Oh yes, thats cos DH got drunk at the weekend and he always wees everywhere". End of, you dont need to say any more. Just leave HIM with the embarassment. It is his embarassment, not yours. He MAY change if you stop cleaning up and covering up. I do agree with your weeing on something of his which is precious and saying he did it. He does it on your precious things - your home, your bed.

Also, put a hook and staple on the baby's room, high up on the door. HOPEFULLY it will help stop him wondering in there.

Bye the way - presume you already have the baby's room ready - has he been in there at all ? Would be interesting if he hasn't - does he really not know what he is doing.

Really sorry to hear this, hope you can get him sorted out, but if not, you may have some difficult decisions to make for the future.

Good luck

You're honestly suggesting this is deliberate? Do some people log on here solely to destroy marriages?

viktory

Really, really saddens me that on threads like this there are so many women that think the best solution is to split up. Even sadder when the OP takes such advice or starts thinking ti is a good idea. Such crap advice is one reason I avoid these threads. There are a disproportionate number of 'man haters' on this board. Relationships are so hard, they need constant attention and are lots of hard work with many bumps on the road. Some of you advocate giving up so easily - so sad when you potentially assist in depriving a child of its father - potentially a very good father to boot.

Susan_Frost

Come off it, He is destroying his marriage, not me. I have not even suggested she should leave. I am merely asking - has he done it in the baby's room. Maybe there is something in him that stops him going that far. I dont know enough about the subject, just asking. And at least I am trying to stop him weeing all over the poor baby when it comes by suggesting something to make the door just a little more difficult to open.

I dont particularly think he does the weeing deliberately - what he does is knowingly get drunk even though it results in weeing all over the place - actually, on seconds thoughts, if he knows that will be the end result then it is deliberate. Thanks for bringing it to my attention. Yes he is doing it deliberately because he deliberately gets drunk knowing the outcome is he wees all over the place.

As I said to OP - good luck.