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Drunken Partners ~ Feel So Upset

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  • euronorris
    euronorris Posts: 12,247 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper PPI Party Pooper
    FWIW I do this every year, new year to the end of March. I take a nght off for valentine's sometimes (didn't this year) and still cook with alcohol in meals I normally add it to, but otherwise run ''dry''. I would take the opportunity if somethig remarkable was offered though I think. It stems from the run up to NY being very boozy and just feeling a period of time off is probably of benefit to the liver. We like long cocktails and jugs of Pimms in the summer (and goodness knows one is grateful for a nice glass of something when stuck next to a bore at a summer wedding!) so the spring is a good time to take off for me. Its a nice discipline, a little like Lenten fasting or something. And it does me good. DH drinks less but still does drink sometimes during this period. That's fine by me, he's actually a fairly light drinker.

    To be honest, I barely drink these days anyway.

    One, I can't afford it (at least not regularly) two, I HATE hangovers, and three, I find that it is sooo hot in bars etc these days, that I start to feel a bit queasy after just two drinks anyway :( I don't even drink that much in the run up to, or during, Xmas and new year's anymore.

    I'm not really one for drinking at home either, never have been. I might have the odd glass of wine, or beer when we have guests, or have something to celebrate, but it's so rare. And OH always complains that 'one sniff of alcohol and you fall asleep!. :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: He's right, I'm usually very tired, so a relaxing drink relaxes me even further. lol

    OH barely drinks these days either. Before we met, he was so unhappy in his job that he had started to drink a can of beer each night after work, to 'relax'. It soon became two, three etc and he took a step back and thought 'What am I doing? This isn't helping!', so he stopped there and then before it got any worse, or became a habit that was too hard to break. It scared the sh't out of him, how easy it was to creep up on you like that.
    February wins: Theatre tickets
  • As a former family lawyer I can confirm that this sort of behaviour is very common indeed. I don't think that is the question.

    Isn't the question whether it is acceptable or not? If it is acceptable to OP then fair enough. If it isn't...

    Mrs P P

    PS not a spinster, not lonely, but wouldn't go near a man with a drink problem...not after the last one.
    "Keep your dreams as clean as silver..." John Stewart (1939-2008)
  • lostinrates
    lostinrates Posts: 55,283 Forumite
    I've been Money Tipped!
    euronorris wrote: »
    To be honest, I barely drink these days anyway.

    One, I can't afford it (at least not regularly) two, I HATE hangovers, and three, I find that it is sooo hot in bars etc these days, that I start to feel a bit queasy after just two drinks anyway :( I don't even drink that much in the run up to, or during, Xmas and new year's anymore.

    I'm not really one for drinking at home either, never have been. I might have the odd glass of wine, or beer when we have guests, or have something to celebrate, but it's so rare. And OH always complains that 'one sniff of alcohol and you fall asleep!. :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: He's right, I'm usually very tired, so a relaxing drink relaxes me even further. lol

    OH barely drinks these days either. Before we met, he was so unhappy in his job that he had started to drink a can of beer each night after work, to 'relax'. It soon became two, three etc and he took a step back and thought 'What am I doing? This isn't helping!', so he stopped there and then before it got any worse, or became a habit that was too hard to break. It scared the sh't out of him, how easy it was to creep up on you like that.


    Yep, we're just not multiple drink till drunk people. A bottle of wine finished is a big night when we are in. At dinner parties etc it flows, but not too much more. We're never drunk. But it is at home we tend to drink. I don't begrudge myself a small midweek solo glass of wine if I'm having it because I want it and appreciate it not because I need it. If I needed it ''to relax'' regularly then I think I'd feel it was time to give up completely. But all a bit beside the point!:o

    I think I'm with Mrs P Pincher, she says what I was trying to express, its not totally unheard of in adult men as some were expressing surprise over...but that doesn't make it acceptable.
  • Caroline_a
    Caroline_a Posts: 4,071 Forumite
    Having had a relationship with a man with a drink problem, I know just how destructive this sort of relationship can be. Always walking on eggs, trying to set up situations that would make his latest drink the last one for that day, worrying about coming home slightly later than normal in case he locked me out with some drunken idea that I was having an affair... the list goes on, and I'm sure is familiar to many people.

    What starts as a guy who seems sociable and fun rapidly becomes an embarrassment and a worry. Drink is such a destructive vice when it becomes a problem and it destroys all around the abuser. My ex had a tendency to violence but a couple of calls to the police quickly stopped that, which to me said that he was using drink to be the person he really was, but could control it.

    I hope for the OP and her new baby that this is a stage that her husband can bring under control quickly. Disgusting as her husband's trait is, there are a great many worse things that drink can bring to a family.
  • graemecarter
    graemecarter Posts: 1,205 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Annisele wrote: »
    Al Anon might be able to provide you with some useful support.

    Great advice. You cannot make your partner change. What you can do is change how you deal with it.
    Al-Anon will have people in the same situation as yourself.

    Your OH sounds an alcoholic. While he may not drink every day, that doesn't mean he's not an alcoholic.
    I also believe that alcoholism is an illness.
    I hope he finds treatment that works, as then ALL your lives will get better
  • dark_lady
    dark_lady Posts: 961 Forumite
    IF the OPs husband genuinely doesnt know what he is doing then how come he hasnt done a wee in the babys room?
  • Fang_3
    Fang_3 Posts: 7,602 Forumite
    dark_lady wrote: »
    IF the OPs husband genuinely doesnt know what he is doing then how come he hasnt done a wee in the babys room?

    How do you know he hasn't?

    Also - I thought you were leaving after your flounce?
  • Rach39
    Rach39 Posts: 827 Forumite
    My ex used to do this - I even woke up one night to find him peeing on me!! Final straw was when he did 'number 2' in bed after a particularly heavy session - coupled with all the other carp i had put up with from him, 99% of it related to alcohol.
    Life's a box of beads - rainbow coloured and full of surprises!:D
  • Sambucus_Nigra
    Sambucus_Nigra Posts: 8,669 Forumite
    Wow - now that's what I call a surprise :eek:
    If you haven't got it - please don't flaunt it. TIA.
  • jinky67
    jinky67 Posts: 47,812 Forumite
    I once came downstairs and found a glass full of pee, obviously too drunk/busy playing Xbox to bother getting up to go to the loo!
    :heartpulsOnce a Flylady, always a Flylady:heartpuls
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