Drunken Partners ~ Feel So Upset

Caseyface

I don't know if i'm after advice or what, but just needed somewhere i could go and let it all out

I'm due with my first baby in less than 3 weeks. My o.h is the perfect partner Mon-Friday but when it hits Saturday and he has a few after Rugby i'm forever on my toes. He's never ever violent, he gets home in one piece and at a decent time and we can even have a conversation but when he's had too much, he sleepwalks, and he thinks everywhere except the toilet is the toilet.

He used to be so much worse, and this doesn't happen so much now, but tonight, he's got home after promising to only drink shandy, just incase i go into labour.... and i just found him in the hallway peeing up the wall, he's also, p*ssed all over the bathroom floor, just been on my hands and knees cleaning it all up

We've talked and talked about him getting like this, and although he's ashamed in the morning, i still can't trust him not to drink so much that he ends up like this. There's been times, he hasn't even got up and just wet the bed and i've gone to sleep on the sofa. Just don't know what to do anymore! What if he sleepwalks into the baby's room when he's here???

I love him dearly, and we are so happy together apart from this. He will admit tomorrow that he's wrong, but he won't give up the drink.....

Just feel so upset, and i'm sat here in tears.....

property.advert

This clown has to stop drinking now as he clearly has no control over it. Rather it has control over him. If he refuses to comply then start planning a life without him because he will simply become a liability and drag you down.

Your pregnancy has been going on for 8 months and he has not learned anything. Do you truly expect him to learn now ? It is ultimatum time.

ajaney

*Hugs*

Just a point, don't clean it up yourself especially not with 3 weeks to go! Leave it for him to do - I know it sounds unhygenic but it's his mess, he has to deal with it.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Urine-Off-Finder-Black-Light/dp/B001I0617W Buy one of these (he pays of course)

He really needs to take a long hard look at his habits with baby imminent.

Annisele

Al Anon might be able to provide you with some useful support.

LMCD

I think your oh may be scared and its not a great comfort to you as you are having to put up with the behaviour - but you could maybe sit him down have a chat and tell him you are scared too (even if it ain't true) and you want him to be there and that you would be so upset and so would he if he missed out on the birth of your first child cos the nurses wouldn't let him in if he was drunk, something that would never be forgot between the two of you for years to come.

Then after baby is born promise him a wet the head night maybe for a 'final(ish) blow off' and you will probably see him change, just explain to him you need his support you looking forward to the future you him and the baby..you will feel very emotional and hormonal ( I hated hearing that when I was pregnant but lookin back it's true)

It must be hard for men, they don't know what to do with themselves on big things like this - my husband only knew how to pass on the latest of my 'niggles' to people and I used to be embarrassed - esp tellin everyone if I told him that there was some blood in my discharge thinking that my plug was slowly coming away...TMI!

but if he doesn't know when to stop - is there no way you can agree to him that he leaves bank card at home and agree on a spending limit?

Money_maker

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Agreed (#2)

Remember a post some time ago about another one who used to just pee everywhere (can't call him a man, sorry). Think the main advice was not to clean up after him but let him sleep in it / sort it out himself in the morning.

He should be more than ashamed for this.

And yes, your baby could be at risk.

McKneff

Cant help but agree with others,

Dont clean up after him, you are telling him it's okay and you will sort it for him.

Tell him to sort himself out, or ship out, you wont bring a baby into the world into these unhygenic conditions.

Tell him youre going to tell your mam, she will sort him out (if you dont have a mam, contact me by PM) I'll sort the thoughtless dirty !!!! out for you.
(sorry:o)
Annie

property.advert

Money_maker wrote: »

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Agreed (#2)

Remember a post some time ago about another one who used to just pee everywhere (can't call him a man, sorry). Think the main advice was not to clean up after him but let him sleep in it / sort it out himself in the morning.

He should be more than ashamed for this.

And yes, your baby could be at risk.

True that she should not be cleaning it up but he has been like this for ages, probably all his adult life and has no time left to learn. She needs a guy off the booze not trying to manage it as history shows that he cannot regulate his consumption.

elsien

I was also wondering why it's you on your hands and knees doing the cleaning. I get that you don't want a house smelling of wee, especially with baby imminent, and that you don't want things to be ruined if they're not cleaned immediately.
The thing is, at the moment there's no consequences for him other than being a bit shamefaced with you the morning after. So if you're cleaning it up, it's easy for him to avoid seeing how much mess he's actually making and he can pretend to himself it's not that bad.
I'd seriously give some thought to leaving it and letting him clean up in the morning - with an added hangover on top, perhaps he'll then start to get the message about how revolting he's really being.

Caseyface

Annie, i do have a Mum, but thanks for the offer

My mum would be disgraced if i told her....

Tish_P

Yup. Wake him up at 8am tomorrow with a cloth and a bucket. No, make that two cloths in case he voms while cleaning up the pee. It has to stop and it won't while you are dealing with the most unpleasant aspects of it for him.