The Great Stripper Issue

Dontknowanymore

There are obviously major trust issues here, I mean why did the OP feel the need to go snooping on his facebook?
I personally would have no problem with my OH doing this (if we were still together lol) but then I am very open minded and am a chatline operator so I guess I work in the sex industry.
Like someone has already said, if he's going to stray, he's going to stray, be it on a sta do, night out down the local town or whatever.

It's his mates stag do, an important part of their lives/friendship, to 'refuse' to allow him to go is not going to do anyone any favors, perhaps the OP should seek help for her hang ups.

Obviously he should be considering her feelings, but at the same time, she shold consider his too, why should he have to give up going on a stag do just because his GF does not like the idea of him being around naked women? talk about emotional blackmail.....

debtfreewannabe321

I wouldn't be happy if my DH went on one of these weekends. I can well imagine that if the shoe were on the other foot and i were going off on a girly holiday with sex shows, strippers etc, then he would be livid and (probably) put an ultimatum on me! I don't think it is just women who have issues with holidays like this for their partners?!?

Gavin83

Pixiechic wrote: »

Fundementally, are you really willing to split up over this or would that be a slightly idle threat?

I think this is an important point. Never tell someone if they do something you'll end the relationship and then not end the relationship, they'll lose all respect for you.

Out of curiousity is a male stripper being abused and objectified as much as people consider female strippers to be?

I think essentially you need to have a relationship with someone who has similar morals and outlooks on life as you in as many areas as possible. I for instance wouldn't want my girlfriend sleeping with someone else and the same in reverse, but if both partners agree to an open relationship there is no problem with it. I think the problem comes when there is a disagreement. If one partner wants to do something and the other disagrees then it will put a strain on the relationship regardless of the outcome.

I'd imagine everyone here is in agreement that if you have either done or are willing to do something yourself then you can't be angry at your partner for doing it. If your friends were going on a hen do with a stripper would you go? If the answer is yes then I really don't see what right you have to stop him. If not then it shows a real moral balance issue in your relationship and you need to decide what to do going forward.

POPPYOSCAR

I just count myself as fortunate that in all the 26 years we have been together my Oh has never been interested in this sort of thing.

georgie262

Gavin83 wrote: »

Why do it then? She couldn't have hated it that much or she would have left.

iI agree with you she should have stopped but the sad fact is - she didn't. Along with a lot of the girls she worked with a mixture of low-self esteem and money enticed her to stay.

ilikewatch

I'm a bloke, and I feel that if my partner was going to be so upset by something I wanted to do, then I would have to seriously question whether the relationship was worth continuing.
I can't imagine anything that I might conceivably want to do that my partner would so strongly want me to avoid - sure, there's the odd thing I may have done in the past which I know she'd rather I didn't, but likewise, there's things she's done that I wasn't over the moon about.
At the end of the day, I know some men love going to strip bars/gentlemens clubs or whatever, and plenty (most?) wives and girlfriends wouldn't have a huge issue with this, if two people have such different views then they're probably not suited.

euronorris

Gavin83 wrote: »

I'd imagine everyone here is in agreement that if you have either done or are willing to do something yourself then you can't be angry at your partner for doing it. If your friends were going on a hen do with a stripper would you go? If the answer is yes then I really don't see what right you have to stop him. If not then it shows a real moral balance issue in your relationship and you need to decide what to do going forward.

This isn't just a strip show though. This is also a live sex show and topless restaurant. Those ladies are going to have a hard time serving food and drink without their b oobs literally being right in the guys faces.

That's the part I take issue with. If it's just a strip show, I don't have a problem (alright, I'm a little insecure, but I wouldn't complain to OH about it).

honeypop

windswept wrote: »

No decent man who respects women would want to be involved in something as hideous as this, single or attached.

windswept wrote: »

A man who thinks that this type of thing is either normal or harmless behaviour, is not someone who will be a good husband or father.

I don't normally post just to disagree with someone, but I just have to say 'rubbish' to these two statements you made Windswept. You know every man in the world and can justify these statements can you? Of course not.

I would have no problem with my husband attending such a weekend, although I am clearly in the minority here. He is perfectly decent and a very good husband and father, so it's unfair of you to tar all men with the same brush.

And if I was to arrange a similar weekend, he'd simply say that's nice dear, enjoy yourself.

Anyway, back to the OP, as others have said, the issue isn't about where the person is going and what they are doing, it's about knowingly going against someones wishes and disregarding their feelings about it. It matters not what the weekend entails really, more that they don't care what their wife to be thinks about it all, adnt hat is the problem that needs sorting.

Gavin83

euronorris wrote: »

I assume she was enticed by the money and maybe even thinking it was glamourous, realised it wasn't but had come to rely on the money too much.

Who knows? Could be tonnes of reasons.

I agree with you, this is probably the reason as strippers earn a fortune. However can you accuse an industry of exploiting their employees because they pay them too much? That seems a really weird issue to raise. I wouldn't complain if my job wanted to pay me £500 for a nights work!

I think it's still a bit of a null point though, if someone hated their job that much they'd leave regardless of the money. I think most people would rather be happy than rich.

Tish_P

It seems that however divergent people's views here are about what they themselves would do in this situation, nearly everyone agrees that this is the kind of thing couples should negotiate, and (if feelings are very strong and deep) be prepared to split up about.