The Great Stripper Issue

euronorris

wherediditallgothen wrote: »

So Sunday daytime is when Wayne Rooney would visit then. Is that the sort of thing you mean?

Hahaha, I guess it's all relative to what you prefer. But the larger, less pretty (IMO) ladies, tend to work Sunday day time. But.....occasionally, you will see the odd stunner still, but it's rare.

euronorris

anon7676 wrote: »

Hi

Sorry I havn't been able to get on the net for a few days. We are currently away skiing, we decided to go as it's been booked a while and was already paid for. Things aren't really much better, we left the UK with him saying that he knew what I meant from my point of view and that we should get through the week then talk after - synical of me but I think he just thought I'd forget. Just found out he's just paid for his share of the stag do and I'm not angry or upset anymore I'm just really disappointed

Why can't you talk about it now? Surely the atmosphere is ruining the fun for both of you? I'm not a big fan of letting things fester. Only ever seems to make things worse.

I think that he may be 'digging his heels in' a bit here. He may be feeling like you are 'telling' him no, so now, even if he no longer wanted to go, he will, just to prove a point that he can, IYSWIM.

You really need to talk this over, but as calm as possible. Have you asked him why it is so important to him to go? Most likely because it is his friend's stag do, but.......if that is the only reason, then I don't see why a compromise can't be found.

And if this isn't something you can tolerate, then I think you need to let him know the long lasting effect it will have on your relationship if he does go. Don't issue an ultimatum, and be clear that it isn't one, but be clear that doing this results in you feeling x, y and z about him and the relationship and as a result, the consequence will be this.

He may feel that's unfair. But if it isn't something you can tolerate, then he can either find a compromise with you (more low key event in UK), not go at all, or end the relationship so that you and he can both find someone who suits you better.

((HUGS))

xx

brokeinwales

I don't know if this helps anyone but I wnated to chime in, because I clicked on the thread having a very different reaction to the one I expected when I saw the title.

I'm not and never have been a stripper, but I did do some work as what I guess you'd call " a glamour model" when I was younger, and many of my friends from that time did strip for a living (it doesn't earn as much as you might think by the way, once you've paid your fees to the club, bought all your outfits etc...) - so I'm totally familiar and comfortable with the idea of men "objectifying" women in certain contexts. You can leer a bit over a pretty girl in a magazine or on stage in order to indulge your baser instincts, but still respect that the girl in question is a person, and has worth beyond your immediate gratification. Just because you can enjoy looking at someone who looks a certain way, doesn't mean you don't respect women or see them purely as sex objects. (not that there aren't plenty of men who do disrespect women, but I don't think occasional indulgence of ones hormones are the main indicator of that!).

So I was expecting to read about someone whose OH had attended a strip club on a lads night out, and I was going to tell her to chill out a little and not worry about it.

Generally this is an insecurity issue, rather than a "cheating" one (if it's any consolation, no-one is more insecure than strippers/ models themselves - imagine if you had to go into the office every day your income depending entirely on male approval of your looks, and being surrounded by gorgeous, impeccably made up naked women, who may be thinner/ bustier/ younger/ more tanned than you, all competing to get the biggest slice of that male attention.)

It's also worth remembering that attendance at strip clubs is generally more about male bonding than it is about sex. It's having fun, horsing around and being "a lad" - you might be surprised how many men don't really fancy the strippers that much (or at least no more than good looking girls they see in the street), you just kind of have to pretend you do because it's all part of the game. If guys want to really "get off" they tend to do taht at home, in the privacy of their own bedrooms

However - the account I read of the planned stag do is most definetly about sex. Pure and simple. That is not a typical stag do based around drinking with a fun trip to a strip bar at the end of the night. That is sex tourism. The show on the bus is a live sex show. It's interactive - there will be involvement from the spectators. How you feel morally about an engaged man taking part in such a thing is up to your personal conscience, but the OP is under absolutely no obligation to tolerate that kind of thing, she should not be made to feel guilty, or being unreasonable or uptight , or "a typical woman" or similar for feeling upset by it.

Her OH is being incredibly insensitive, not by his insistence on going (which is up to him - though I'm of the opinion these things are really single-man territory), but by his refusal to accept that it is perfectly reasonable to be upset and angry about the fact that he plans to get involved in a live sex show, in a different country, when he is engaged to be married. Where does this end "Oh sure, I slept with your sister, but all my mates did, and it was only a bit of a laugh, I came back to you so what are you making such a fuss about?"

I seriously think if this can't be resolved, OP needs to take steps to end the relationship, there are plenty of more sensitive men in the world.

On the other hand, good luck to her OH finding a woman who's happy for him to go to sex parties without her...

Would it be trite of me to take bets on who ends up growing old alone and bitter?

wherediditallgothen

brokeinwales wrote: »

I don't know if this helps anyone but I wnated to chime in, because I clicked on the thread having a very different reaction to the one I expected when I saw the title.

I'm not and never have been a stripper, but I did do some work as what I guess you'd call " a glamour model" when I was younger, and many of my friends from that time did strip for a living (it doesn't earn as much as you might think by the way, once you've paid your fees to the club, bought all your outfits etc...) - so I'm totally familiar and comfortable with the idea of men "objectifying" women in certain contexts. You can leer a bit over a pretty girl in a magazine or on stage in order to indulge your baser instincts, but still respect that the girl in question is a person, and has worth beyond your immediate gratification. Just because you can enjoy looking at someone who looks a certain way, doesn't mean you don't respect women or see them purely as sex objects. (not that there aren't plenty of men who do disrespect women, but I don't think occasional indulgence of ones hormones are the main indicator of that!).

So I was expecting to read about someone whose OH had attended a strip club on a lads night out, and I was going to tell her to chill out a little and not worry about it.

Generally this is an insecurity issue, rather than a "cheating" one (if it's any consolation, no-one is more insecure than strippers/ models themselves - imagine if you had to go into the office every day your income depending entirely on male approval of your looks, and being surrounded by gorgeous, impeccably made up naked women, who may be thinner/ bustier/ younger/ more tanned than you, all competing to get the biggest slice of that male attention.)

It's also worth remembering that attendance at strip clubs is generally more about male bonding than it is about sex. It's having fun, horsing around and being "a lad" - you might be surprised how many men don't really fancy the strippers that much (or at least no more than good looking girls they see in the street), you just kind of have to pretend you do because it's all part of the game. If guys want to really "get off" they tend to do taht at home, in the privacy of their own bedrooms

However - the account I read of the planned stag do is most definetly about sex. Pure and simple. That is not a typical stag do based around drinking with a fun trip to a strip bar at the end of the night. That is sex tourism. The show on the bus is a live sex show. It's interactive - there will be involvement from the spectators. How you feel morally about an engaged man taking part in such a thing is up to your personal conscience, but the OP is under absolutely no obligation to tolerate that kind of thing, she should not be made to feel guilty, or being unreasonable or uptight , or "a typical woman" or similar for feeling upset by it.

Her OH is being incredibly insensitive, not by his insistence on going (which is up to him - though I'm of the opinion these things are really single-man territory), but by his refusal to accept that it is perfectly reasonable to be upset and angry about the fact that he plans to get involved in a live sex show, in a different country, when he is engaged to be married. Where does this end "Oh sure, I slept with your sister, but all my mates did, and it was only a bit of a laugh, I came back to you so what are you making such a fuss about?"

I seriously think if this can't be resolved, OP needs to take steps to end the relationship, there are plenty of more sensitive men in the world.

On the other hand, good luck to her OH finding a woman who's happy for him to go to sex parties without her...

Would it be trite of me to take bets on who ends up growing old alone and bitter?

Shame I can only thank this once.

Mrs_J_3

Brokeinwales has summed it up nicely.

I doubt he'd be happy to nip down to his local club and indulge in gang rape of a trafficed girl who's now living a life of sexual slavery and brutatilty, but for some reason to nip over to Eastern Europe to do so is ok? That is the reality for most of the girls there; they are not in control of things and are bought and sold (and rented out) as possessions.

As for the effect on your relationship, I personally would leave him over this. If he went to a party and sat about with his mates paying for girls to indulge with each other and very possibly them, you wouldn't stand for it.

Why do so many men feel that because it's a stag do it's ok to cheat on thier partners?

FatVonD

wherediditallgothen wrote: »

Shame I can only thank this once.

There you go, you can have mine

OP, totally unacceptable. I don't believe the other wives and girlfriends know exactly what's going on, I think you should give them the heads up. If this was my fiance the wedding would be off for sure.

sennheiser

Quite honestly, you need to let him go and stop making such a big deal about it, or seriously consider your engagement.

This is his friends stag do which he has to go on, he's not going to cheat on you, it's about having fun with friends away from the girlfriends.
This is about your insecurity, not trusting him (checking his facebook - what the hell!), and you disliking his friends, which to be honest are not very good indicators to a lasting relationship.

He is NOT going to cheat on you, he's not going to get turned on by random skany women, in fact he will probably feel quite embarrassed.
Some one above said this trip was about sex, no it's not. It will be pathetic strip clubs and lame 'lesbian' shows, he wont be touching other women, or accidentally having sex them.

If he was going on weekends like this all the time, or visiting strip clubs every other weekend, then yes I can see you point. But from you first post it sounds like you have already cut short his previous stag night - you need to let him at least feel like he has some control.

You have already made him sleep on the sofa, and sounds like you are about to ruin an expensive skiing holiday over this, he will be wondering what he's letting himself in to for.

Let him go, tell him to have a good weekend and don't think about, then get married and have a wonderful life. Otherwise dump him and find someone else who thinks exactly like you - before you get married and he dumps you.