The Great Stripper Issue

Tish_P

Thanks for the clarification, Mupette.
If the OP was going to beat her husband up I hope I'd be the first to condemn that!

Of course, everyone in a relationship should feel they are equal and have the same rights - and that includes the right to say what their personal "dealbreakers" are and to end the relationship if those lines are crossed. The OP has to decide what side of the line her bloke's behaviour is, for her, and act accordingly. I hope things work out happily in the long run, whatever she decides.

georgie262

dmg24 wrote: »

Wowzers, read the Daily Mail much? Do you actually know anything about the industry, or are you basing your opinion on what you read in the papers?

why would holding the view that viewing women in this way is abhorrent make someone a 'daily mail reader'? Women from poor and often uneducated backgrounds or those who have had a traumatic childhood are over represented in the sex industry and i can only guess that by 'Daily Mail reader' you mean the poster is in some way intolerant. When I would say the post suggests the opposite.

Doooford

I read through all of these posts assuming that this was for the OP's husband to be's stag do. Only just realisd that it is someone elses.
It was shocking enough that I believed that he "Had" to go as his mates were deciding what his stag do activities were, but as it is totally his decision if this is the kind of activity that he'd choose over you then I think you should walk.
This is the behaviour of a young man/boy who holds his immature friends in too high a regard and far above the relationship that he should be committed to.
If he is of the opinion that oggling and touching "doesn't count" then he's a fool.
Good luck with what you decide

Mupette

Gavin83 you hit the nail on the head. Good to see a male persepective on this.

Oh i have body issues, my god i've so many faults it's unbelieveable, what i struggle with is why OH still wants to marry me, yes i know, he loves me lumps n bumps too. So you would of thought i would have issues of him looking at other women, no i don't, if he is going to run off with a younger model then he will.. will he? I honestly say i don't know, and i don't care, i am living for now. But i am not 'needy' perhaps that's another quality OH likes about me. I look average, normal, not high maintence, not airbrushed, not a barbie lookaliky, just ME

Tropez

windswept wrote: »

Don't be so naive, I assume we are talking about somewhere like Prague - prostitution and sex trafficking is rife, these strippers you like to think of as empowered young women who choose this lifestyle are most likely to have been sold to pimps as young girls.

No decent man would want to treat women in this way, as sexual entertainment whose sole purpose is to feed the mysogynistic fantasies of entitled and deluded men.
I couldn't be married to man who views women in this way.

Prostitution and sex trafficking is rife in London as well, and Manchester, and Belfast, and Birmingham, and Glasgow etc. This does not mean that everybody who works in the adult entertainment industry, whether it be in London or Rio de Janeiro, is the victim of the evils of sex trafficking and sexual enslavement.

It also does not make every man who has enjoyed a lapdancing club in Birmingham or a sex show in Amsterdam some sort of degenerate misogynist who could only ever fail at being a father or husband.

Gavin83

georgie262 wrote: »

A very good friend of mine worked in a big strip club when we were in uni and hated doing it.

Why do it then? She couldn't have hated it that much or she would have left.

euronorris

Mupette wrote: »

The reason i bought up the subject of women being just as bad, it seems it's being brushed aside and ignored as irelavant, because it doesn't happen.

Oh it certainly happens, of course. But......I have never been invited on a weekend like that described in the OP, let alone gone to one. And, unless the OP has, I don't see how that would be relevant to her relationship and this current situation.

The only time I've been to a stripper show whilst we've been together, was one of those dream guy things and I spent most of the time texting OH as I was bored, and I knew that hearing from me would help to stop him from worrying about the 'what if's'.

Likewise, he joined some friends on a stag do in Amsterdam a few months back, and had the opportunity to go to the strip clubs towards the end of the evening, but chose to come home at that point instead with no input from me (I made a point of not contacting him that night, unless he contacted me first, as I wanted him to have fun with his friends, not worry about me). Besides, you can get quite a good eyeful of girls in underwear just walking around the red light district.

OH and I are well aware of each other's 'lines', and insecurities, so we tend to talk these things over with each other anyway. Most recently, I have been looking at fancy dress ideas for a party I'm going to in May. The theme is fairytales/fairytales gone bad, so I thought it would be quite cool to go as Alice in Wonderland. My God, all but one of the outfits I found online were pretty sl'tty, in my opinion, or completely frumpy! I managed to find one I was more comfortable with, and then showed it to OH to see what he thought. He likes it too. Although I think he'd quite like me to get on of the other outfits for the bedroom! :rotfl:

It's about being respectful of each other, knowing each other's boundaries and compromise, IMO.

stelly

I've just discussed this thread with my OH as I wanted to see what his opinion was and he made a great comment.


If you take away the stripper/stag do part it's a person in a relationship asking their OH not to do something because it really upsets them (wether the reasons are valid or not) and their OH is disregarding their feelings.

If the OP and OH was willing to sit and discuss these issues sensibly then a compromise or agreement can be made but by him just saying I'm going and that's that then of course she will be upset.

My Oh said if we were in this situation and roles were reversed then he would be really upset because I wasn't willing to talk about it and consider his opinions/feelings.

Any

What I read from these posts is that many women are basically suggesting that if a man goes to a stripclub/eastern europe they will always let their !!!!!! out...

Why would you even consider marrying someone that you don't trust will keep his !!!!!! in his trousers?

And if that is not the issue, why make such an issue out of it? So they look, so they get smashed and so they will smile and laugh and pretend in front of the rest of the blokes that it is great...

euronorris

Gavin83 wrote: »

Why do it then? She couldn't have hated it that much or she would have left.

I assume she was enticed by the money and maybe even thinking it was glamourous, realised it wasn't but had come to rely on the money too much.

Who knows? Could be tonnes of reasons.