The Great Stripper Issue

Kimberley82

Fang wrote: »

You obviously don't like his friends, so you're turning this into an issue of him being forced to take sides - you, or his friends. Only you know who will win this.

I dont think its about his friends, a lot of women do not like strippers

windswept

No decent man who respects women would want to be involved in something as hideous as this, single or attached.

pinkshoes

I'm very laid back about these sort of things, and would happily let my OH go to a lapdancing club, but there is NO WAY I'd let him go on a weekend like that! It sounds seedy, ghastly, tacky, and expensive!

If he REALLY wants to go, perhaps he can sell some of his own stuff (i.e. not your joint money) to go? (does he have a PS3, or expensive mobile?)

Fang_3

Kimberley82 wrote: »

I dont think its about his friends, a lot of women do not like strippers

Undoubtedly, but this stuck out at me.

anon7676 wrote: »

Then that night they are going to one of those topless meal places, being shown around by a group scantily clad women and then more strip clubs. His mates are awful and I know many of them take the 'extra services' offerd.

While I'm sure the OP does have a problem with strippers, I think this is more about the fact that doesn't like her OH's friends and wants him to choose her over them. One piece of advice I was given as a child, and has never left me, was - if you force someone to choose, you will lose.

By making him sleep on the sofa and not trusting him, she's making this into a huge issue. Yes, he should be taking her feelings into account, but that's already been and gone. In his eyes, she doesn't trust him - why snoop firstly? Secondly - if she trusts him not to cheat as he hasn't before, and he's given her no reason to think that he will - why is she making such a big deal about it? Thirdly - they're meant to be getting married in a few months - if she doesn't trust him now, why will she then? That's what will be going on in his mind.

Tish_P

Not this again...

If it upsets you enough to leave him over, leave him. It's a hard decision but it's yours alone. Some women would put up with it. I even had a friend whose fianc! slept with a prostitute but she married him anyway because "boys will be boys".

I'd leave, but it's really up to you.

krycek985

windswept wrote: »

If putting his friends and this skanky stag weekend is more important than your future life together, he's not the man you thought he was and you need to really think about whether you want to marry a man who thinks it's ok and normal to use women in this way for entertainment.
These type of events are normally interactive too, the men will be involved in sexual activity with these women, who are on a par with prostitutes in reality.
There is something seriously wrong with supposedly straight men wanting to be sexually aroused in the company of, and even having sexual activity with strippers in full view of their friends, and that's before you get into the morality aspect of treating women like objects and thinking about the sex trafficking aspect of it all.

I used to have a few friends who worked as strippers at night. They didnt have to and really good jobs during the day. They enjoyed doing it for a thrill and the fact they are paid rather well and treated with respect from most people.

Yes girls abroad mayby different but dont tar them all with the same brush.

Fang_3

pinkshoes wrote: »

I'm very laid back about these sort of things, and would happily let my OH go to a lapdancing club, but there is NO WAY I'd let him go on a weekend like that! It sounds seedy, ghastly, tacky, and expensive!

If he REALLY wants to go, perhaps he can sell some of his own stuff (i.e. not your joint money) to go? (does he have a PS3, or expensive mobile?)

Really? Do any of you saying this actually think that that's how relationships work?

anderson8

no way jose!
id liek to think that im quite liberal and open minded, but there is no way i would let my hubby go on this trip!! id be boiling if he even suggested going on it!!

gratefulforhelp_2

anon7676 wrote: »

I've tried that we've been arguing about it for 2 days, he's slept on the sofa for the past 2 nights as he thinks its unreasonable for me to be upset about him going. He says he still loves me, says that i'm important to him but says he's going and that is that. - we've been together 5 years and are supposed to be getting married ourselves in 5 months. I just feel like everything is falling apart and he's putting spending a weekend ( that we cant even afford) before us and ultimatley before me.

If he is so dismissive of your feelings, and there are no children involved, then it is time to leave.

vroombroom

I have to agree with Fang and Krycek on this. If you tell him no you are likely to to push him away.

At the end of the day, its a silly boys weekend away, he is coming home to you and marrying you.

I used to work with both male and female strippers/dancers and yes, whilst some of them did extras, they are normal people like me and you and they have bills, children, houses, etc. Just because the chose to work in an industry that makes you feel uncomfortable doesnt make them bad people x