Dispute between Childminder and husband

pozalina

Errata wrote: »

It's your OH that should be buying flowers and crawling on his knees up the garden path to deliver them. It's your OH that should be apologising to the CM in person ASAP not by text or any other electronic means of communication.
If neither you nor your OH understand that, I feel very sorry for you and your children.

Of course I understand that. He doesn't, or at least not yet. He is stubborn and I can't tell him what to do. Or i can, but he won't listen. He had not replied to two texts I've sent him today (since I told him I paid her for yesterday). When I get home he will most likely be cross with me and still have not replied to her text/phoned her/been to see her. As I said, I know he will apologise for shouting in person tomorrow.

pollycat - I know it's not right for him to shout at her, I am happy with her service, I'm just caught in the middle as I have to live with my dh as well as doing the right thing by our CM. This thread uis making me realise that I don't stand up to him enough, I hate conflict. I go for the easy option, but in this case I couldn't stand by and let him behave that way when he was clearly in the wrong.

sashadesade - yes, they are her main source of income, I understand that. I was just trying to give my dh side as I hadn't given any background to his rant. As I said to him, the stuff about being flexible is all besides the point: he should not have spoken to her like that under any circumstances and it was his fault as he was late.

shellsuit

He acted like an arr$e and was in the wrong, so of course she should be paid for yesterday.

Also he wants to watch himself if he's going to shout his mouth off in front of other people's children and make grown women cry.

If this was my husband, I wouldn't feel any loyalty to him over it at all, not when he was clearly in the wrong.

Your CM sounds decent. She's trying to accomodate you all and doesn't deserve crap from your husband.

What would you do if someone in work shouted at you and made you cry and how would your husband feel about that?

warehouse

My Wife is a Childminder. You are VERY lucky that you still have a childminder at all. If this had happened with my Wife you would be on 4 weeks notice right now, and I'd personally have advised her to tear up the contract the moment it happened.

Your Husband is simply a d**k, end of story.

warehouse

londonlass001 wrote: »

INot sure whether your childminder has contact with other local childminders but I think you could find it difficult to find another minder if you effectively sacked her and this then got out.

Trust me on this, every local Childminder will know of this event already.

onlyroz

To be honest, whatever arrangement your child minder has with other parents is irrelevant to you. She will stipule her hours, collection/drop-off times etc, and her costs, and it's up to you to either go along with these requirements and pay up, or to find another minder if the requirements are not suitable.

Errata

This thread uis making me realise that I don't stand up to him enough, I hate conflict. I go for the easy option,

In that case you need to develop some assertion skills and your OH needs to develop some impulse control and anger management skills and some manners.

sjc3

There is only so much anyone can do, accomodate and be flexible for. I am sure she wouldn't purposefully be awkward to you. School runs aren't flexible. The childminder had to leave when she did so as other peoples children wouldn't be late. Quite possibly the school has at least 2 entrances and they are always busy places at drop off time.

If your husband had accepted he caused the problem and had been prepeared to be flexible he wouldn't have been 2 hours late for work. Its all very well being loyal to our other halfs but if my husband behaved in such a way I would have been furious with him. I also wondered if he treated her that way in front of your kids and other peoples children. Not the kind of thing youngsters should witness.

My husband would be well and truly in the doghouse with me till he had gone round and apologised with flowers to the cm.

POPPYOSCAR

I have to agree with everyone else.

There is absolutely no excuses whatsoever for the behavior of your husband.

I would also be concerned about the bad example he is setting to your children.

thatgirlsam

His behaviour was unacceptable - no ifs or buts

I wonder how he would have felt if that was the other childs father that bawled out the CM in front of his children?

I really think you can expect notice from her in the not so distant future

Pollycat

pozalina wrote: »

pollycat - I know it's not right for him to shout at her, I am happy with her service, I'm just caught in the middle as I have to live with my dh as well as doing the right thing by our CM. This thread uis making me realise that I don't stand up to him enough, I hate conflict. I go for the easy option, but in this case I couldn't stand by and let him behave that way when he was clearly in the wrong.

Pozalina
I do appreciate that you are in the middle of this but the reality is that your OH is 100% in the wrong.

You've had almost 40 replies in 2 hours and not one poster can see your OH's side in this.

Living with your OH shouldn't mean that you have to put up with his boorish behaviour.

I just hope that when he comes home he is full of contrition for the way he behaved - both to you and to the child minder.

If he's not full of apologies, I'd show him this thread - it might just give him a reality check.

Good luck.